


Then and Now

by MooseandTrickster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Boyfriends, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Dean Winchester, Kid Fic, Kid Sam Winchester, M/M, Michifer - Freeform, Murder, Orphans, Sabriel - Freeform, Teen Dean Winchester, Teen Sam Winchester, Teenagers, charliexjess, charliexjo, dancer!gabe, mute!Sam, nerd!cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2019-12-25 16:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18265106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MooseandTrickster/pseuds/MooseandTrickster
Summary: Sam and Dean had a happy life, until one night the two young boys witness their parents murders. Now they hop from foster home to foster home, stuck in an unfair system and abused by those that take care of them.Sam hasn't spoken a word since that night, Dean is plagued by nightmares.One day, an old enemy comes back for them, and they're forced to leave, taking up a life on the road. Always on the run and always scared.Then they reunite with the Novak's and things really, really start to look up for them.





	1. Then

**Author's Note:**

> This is also published on my wattpad, and is a WiP, but I'll try to update often :D  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Peace out, Wayward readers 🌈🖖🌈

Dean couldn't remember his parents, not clearly at least, but there were the small things that he did. His mother's gentle smile, the smell of her perfume and his fathers ruff chuckle.

He remembered being happy, he remembered being able to actually call somewhere home. But more than anything else, he remembered all too clearly the night that ended it all. It was something that would creep into his darkest nightmares, that would bring back the same spine chilling, intense fear that had infested his mind the night of the attack.

Lawrence, Kansas  
2002   
March 15th

Dean had often heard his mummy and daddy talking about how bad their neighbourhood was. His mummy always told daddy that she wanted to move. That she felt unsafe. Then his daddy would just laugh, a gruff, warm chuckle that always calmed Dean down, and told her that she was being silly.

So when Dean was lying in bed that night, unable to sleep as he kept looking at the closed window and feeling nervous, he tried to think of how his daddy would laugh and call him silly too. Silly mummy, silly Dean, both just imagining things.

Little Sammy wasn't being silly, he was fast asleep in his little kid's bed with his soft hair sticking up everywhere. Dean wondered how Sammy was less silly than him, he was only 3 and their neighbour had a kid the same age that was always silly and pulling Dean's hair. Dean didn't like the kid next door, but he definitely loved Sammy. Maybe he was only being silly cause he saw mummy being silly. That would explain it.

Still, he couldn't help himself as he quietly slides out of under his covers and padded across the room. Passing little Sammy, he grabbed his small stool and the baseball bat that his dad gave him for his 5th birthday, even though he couldn't play on the school team until he was 7, which meant he still had to wait a whole year until he could and climbed up to the window.

Carefully pulling the curtain open, Dean stood on his tippy toes and peered out across the dark backyard.

Nothing seemed to be different, he could see their rusted swing set almost hidden in shadows, and the moon lit up the garden shed that he mustn't go in. Deciding he was simply being silly, Dean went to climb down when the shed door opened. Dean froze, watching as a tall man stepped out and started walking towards their back door. That man didn't look like his daddy, and just looking at him made shivers go down the small boy's spine.

At that moment, a driving fear took control of Dean, making him frantic as he jumped down from the chair and scrambled towards the hall. He could barely reach the door handle as he bolted through it and made a beeline for mummy and daddy's room. But then he heard the back door click shut at the bottom of the stairs, followed by heavy footsteps that made him stop and quiver in fear.

It was his father's surprised and cut off shout that made him turn tail and run back to where Sammy lay sleeping.

"Sammy, wake up," Dean shook his younger brother, fearful of the heavy steps downstairs.

Sam stirred, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"We gotta go to mummy Sam, com'n."

Dean knew his brother was both younger and smaller, therefore not able to understand things as easy, but he was older, and therefore he did understand that this was a very serious situation like the times how his mummy told him he had to be a big boy and look out for his little brother.

"What's wrong De?" Sam asked, blinking up at his brother.

Dean didn't want to make Sam scared too because this felt like a very bad thing to do.

"Well, daddy's being silly, so now we're playing hide and seek, okay?"

Sam looked out the window at the night sky, his eyes doubtful. "After bedtime?"

Dean thought that maybe Sammy really was smarter than the kid next door.

"Yes, he really wanted to play, so how about we hide in the wardrobe, he'll never find us there," Dean tugs Sam's arm, hearing the creak of the bottom step, followed by the heavy sound of footsteps heading up towards them.

Sam tiredly followed him, and they slipped inside the wardrobe and quietly clicked the door shut.

Inside it was pitch black and Dean blindly crawled in behind the big box of storage, Sam with him.

Then they hid, Dean scarcely breathing as they hid in the darkness.

The footsteps paused at the entrance to their room, and through the crack in the door, he could see light seeping in as the intruder switched it on.

After several long moments during which Dean felt fear like none other course through his body, the footsteps turned and headed away.

For a moment, Dean relaxed in relief. Then their mother screamed.

Sam wriggled free from his brother's arms at the sound of his mother's scream, fleeing from their room with Dean in close pursuit.

Dean felt panicked, he couldn't let something happen to Sammy, he just couldn't. He was the big brother, he had to look out for Sam.

Sam stopped short at their parent's room, however. Allowing Dean to reach him as he stared wide-eyed at something.

Dean looked up and felt a whimper of fear escape his lips. The tall man had their mother by the throat, holding her up against the wall as he stabbed her in the stomach. Dean grabbed Sammy's hand as they watched their mother's blood drip steadily to the ground, quickly turning to a steady flow that turned the creamy carpet a dark red.

Dean could tell Sammy was about to break out of his grasp, he also suddenly knew that he couldn't save his mummy. He had to look after Sammy now.

The man had dropped their mum and was wiping his knife on his jeans. He hadn't spotted them yet, so Dean grabbed Sam's arm tighter and pulled him away from the scene. Dean knew Sam couldn't run fast, so, for now, they had to hide and he knew just the place. He leads Sam down the hall, pulling him into their dad's office. There was a small closet at the back of the room, and Dean remembered watching their daddy hide things in a secret compartment at the back, valuables that they wanted to protect.

Sam was crying now, silent tears that fell steadily from his cheeks. Dean wanted to cry too, but he had to stay strong for Sammy. So instead he worked on opening the closet door quietly. Pushing Sam inside, he closed the door behind them and fumbled in the darkness for the hidden loose panel. Plying it aside, the two small boys wriggle into the tight space, letting the board fall back into place.

Inside, there was barely enough room for them, they were squished tightly together with Sammy pretty much sitting on top of his brother.

"We gotta be quiet now, okay Sammy?" Dean whispered.

Sam whimpers, but Dean could feel him nodding in the darkness.

"Hey kiddos, where are you?" The cruel voice that called out would haunt Dean's dreams in the years to come.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, they both stayed as still as possible as they heard the footsteps come into the study. Light suddenly streamed in through the small crack in the closet door and then the wooden plank. The door swung open, the light brighter as it comes through the gap in the wood.

The man let out a frustrated grunt as he slammed the door shut and stomped out of the room. Dean breathed out in relief as they heard his footsteps fading into the distance as he went downstairs.

Dean pushed the wooden plank aside and they hurriedly rush from the room. Dean intended to run down to the front door, but Sammy tore free from his grip as they passed their parents room and rushed to their mum's side.

Sam knelt beside their mummy, sobbing quietly as he reached out and touched her. Blood was seeping into his pyjamas from the carpet, getting over his hands as he shook her. Dean knelt beside him, momentarily forgetting about their need to run as he starred at his mummy. He could feel blood getting all over himself too and couldn't stop himself from reaching out and touching her gently.

Then he could hear the man yelling out for them and stood up, pulling Sam with him. The smaller boy was reluctant to move, still staring at their mum as Dean struggled to get him moving. Finally, Sam started to move, and they leave their parent's room for the last time.

They run down the hall, sliding down the stairs. Sammy was too small to run fast, his chubby legs waddling along as Dean dragged him through the kitchen. Neither of them looked at the dark form on the ground over by the lounge. Dean didn't want to see what it really was.

He just wanted his mummy and daddy to help them. But they weren't going to and he realised he had to be the grown-up for Sammy's sake.

The front door was locked, and Dean struggled to lean up and grab the deadbolt. He managed to wiggle it until it was open by the tips of his fingers. loud footsteps started coming closer, from the lounge, and Dean began to panic.

Finally, he managed to swing the door open, pulling a pale Sammy out behind him.

"Oi you brats, get back here!" The man had heard the door and Dean could hear him running towards them.

Out into the front yard, the two young boys ran for their lives, crying for their dead parents as they ran past the cheerfully painted mailbox and through the small wooden gate. Along the white picketed fence that their dad had painted. Past the house where the annoying little boy lived. Sam and Dean kept running, as fast as their short legs would take them.

That night the Winchester family had suffered a great loss, and the next morning neighbours would gather around the yellow police tape, some curious, some weeping and some thinking of the little boys that were now orphaned.

Sam and Dean were found a block away. Covered in blood and tears. The kind couple who had found them on their front lawn called the cops immediately, and the shocked boys were whisked away to the hospital.

The police didn't manage to catch the murderer. It immediately became the most important open case that they had. 

As for the boys, they had suffered the biggest loss that anyone could ever imagine that night, and for them, there were only more hardships to come.


	2. Alastair is a douche

April 5th  
2002

Dean was worried about his little brother. He hadn't heard him speak a word since, well, since that night. Dean missed their parents, he would do anything to hug his mummy again, or to play catch with his dad.

He had to look after Sam now, he knew that that was what his mummy would want him to do. This is what he was trying to do, but Sammy never talked now, and that made Dean feel like he had done something wrong.

The adults that were looking after them had made them go see a lady to talk about the attack. Sam didn't talk and Dean didn't want to either. The older lady was kind, however, giving them hot chocolates and cookies. But Dean couldn't talk about that night without breaking down. Sam just sat there silently.

He had heard the older lady talk to the adults that looked after them, she told them that he and Sammy had something called PTSD, whatever that was. He decided to ask Amy and Jake about that later. Sam looked like he might start crying, which he always did when thinking about his mummy, and silently grabbed Dean's hand.

"Don't worry Sammy, I'll protect you," Dean would always repeat this vow, whenever it seemed like Sam needed to hear it.

The adults looking after them, Amy and Jake, were so kind. So when they said that he and Sammy were to move in with more nice people that looked after a lot of other kids like them, Dean felt a bit sad. Amy had smelt like his mummy and that made him feel better whenever he felt sad and missed his parents.

Sam didn't seem to care, as they packed up their few belongings and shuffled down to the waiting car. Dean was glad that he wasn't being separated from Sammy.

Their new home was 2 hours away, and while Sam spent most of the ride asleep, Dean watched the world go by. He imagined that they were on their way to their old home. He pictured walking up to the front door with Sammy and seeing his parents run out to hug them tightly. Then his mummy would make him a pie and tell him what a brave boy he was.

But when they pulled up outside the large, unfamiliar building, Dean felt his daydream slip away. He felt like crying, it was like this big ball of sadness in his chest that wouldn't leave. Sniffling, he blinked his tears away and held Sammy's small hand. He had to be brave, for Sam's sake, he had to be grown up now.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Dean didn't like his new room for several reasons. The biggest one was that it wasn't with Sam, who had been put in a different room with two other little kids. Dean didn't like this room because it was unfamiliar, he had to share with five other strange boys and Alastair was creepy.

Alastair was two years older than Dean and had a weird smirk that made Dean shiver. He was the oldest boy in the shared room, Dean was pretty sure that he was the youngest. None of the other boys seemed to like Alastair much either, they all tried to avoid him when they could.

Dean wanted his old room back, with Sammy just across the room and toys scattered everywhere, his bat leaning against their colourfully painted wardrobe.

This new room was cold, boring colours and Dean couldn't sleep in the unfamiliar bed. Besides Alastair slept opposite him and he kept glaring at Dean.

Dean was glad that Sam didn't have anything to do with Alastair.

The two brothers's soon settle into the routine of the house. Wake up at 7 am, breakfast, then the kids that were of school age were dressed and sent off to the local school while the little ones got ready to do arts and crafts with the lady that ran the house.

Dean hated leaving his brother with strangers while he went off to school. He hated being the new kid even more. All the kids at the school knew they were from the orphans house, and stared at him curiously as he walked around the school. One kid was brave and decided to boldly ask what happened to his parents. Dean got detention for starting a fight.

Sam ran up to his older brother when he got home that day, he didn't speak a word of course but did touch the bruise under Dean's eye with a worried expression.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

April 30th

It was the following week after his fight, and Sam's birthday was only a couple of days away. Dean wanted to get his little brother a good present but he didn't know how he was going to be able to, his mummy always used to take him out when it came time to buy Sammy a present.

Dean was thinking hard about this as he walked into school, so deep in thought that he didn't realize he was being followed. He turned towards the library, having no one to hang out with and time to kill before class when a bigger kid grabbed him by the arm. Dean was pushed harshly into the gap between the arts and crafts room and the library, his arm hitting the bricks with force.

"Hey!"

"Shut up twerp," Alastair was standing over him, two other boys that Dean didn't know were close behind.

Dean squirmed under Alastair's grip, not liking the looks on their faces.

"What's wrong? Sad that mummy and daddy can't save you?" One of them said, grinning as Dean tried to escape.

"Aww, look at the little baby, he's gonna cry."

"Am not!" But Dean did feel like crying, his face growing hot.

"You know, I can't help but wonder, was your brother always a freaky mute?" Alastair shoves Dean against the wall. "Or was that because your mummy and daddy are gone and he's an even bigger baby than you?"

"Le-leave my brother alone!"

"Le-leave my brother alone!" The two boys behind Alastair laugh and mimic him. "What are you gonna do? Cry?"

Dean balled his fist up, his mummy always said fighting was bad, but no one picked on his little brother.

"Cry baby," the three bullies were laughing harder now, shoving Dean around. "Go and cry to mummy... oh wait, you can't."

Dean bit his lip, trying not to cry.

"Maybe, once we're done here, we can go home and find little Sammy-"

Dean couldn't stop his fist as it jabbed Alastair in the stomach, making the older boy double over.

"Okay, that's it," Alastair rolled his sleeves up. "You wanna fight? Let's fight."

Dean growled, letting his bag drop to the ground before shoving Alastair back. Alastair swung and punched Dean, hard. The smaller boy stumbles back, but quickly responds with a punch of his own. It isn't long before the two are wrestling roughly on the ground, punching and yelling at each other. Dean felt blood trickle from his nose, but he couldn't care less. He hadn't felt this alive since before his parent's died.

A teacher must have heard their shouting though because one moment Dean was punching Alastair in the gut, and the next he was being dragged off the bully by the neck of his shirt.

"Winchester! Alastair! What is the meaning of this?"


	3. The darkness

Dean sat in the principal's office, swinging his legs absently and looking at the ground. The plastic seat was starting to get really uncomfortable.

He didn't dare move though. Just through the door, he could hear the principal greeting his carers. Dean felt nervous, his stomach doing flips. His face hurt from where Alastair had punched him, but that didn't really bother him so much now.

Not when his caregiver came into the room with a look of anger. She thanked the principal for taking care of it, before motioning Dean to leave the room.

Dean grabbed his bag, reluctant to move as he shuffled out of the room with Miss Lilith, the orphan's caregiver, right behind him.

She didn't speak a word until they got out to the car, and Dean kept his head down as he scrambled into the back seat. Lilith started the car, staring straight ahead as she pulled away from the school. It was now that she finally spoke. 

"I do hope you realize that this stunt has gotten you in a lot of trouble young man."

Dean just sat quietly, not daring to speak a word as he stared out the window. She doesn't speak again, leaving Dean alone with his fearful thoughts.

////////

Once they got back to the house, Dean meekly followed her inside. He went to go up to his room to put his bag away, but then Lilith grabs his arm and roughly drags him down the hall. 

"Not so fast, you need to learn that your actions have serious consequences."

Dean cries out, attempting to twist out of her steel grip as she pulled him towards the little storage closet. "Miss Lilith, please!"

She ignored him, instead throwing the door open. Dean shook his head in fear as she wrestled him into the confined space. Dean could scarcely move an inch once inside, and as Lilith shut the door he was surrounded by total darkness. 

"No please! Miss Lilith!" Dean howled, in full on panic mode now. "Please don't leave me in here!"

But there was no reply, and the door stayed firmly shut. His panicked breaths made him dizzy, and even as he clawed at the door, Dean knew it was useless. 

"Sammy?" He tried calling out again, but no one seemed to be hearing him. Sniffling, he sits in the small space and starts crying. 

He wasn't aware of just how much time had really passed. All Dean knew was that it had felt like an eternity spent in hell. The dark, tight space was suffocating, and he didn't know if he could handle another moment in it. 

He stopped crying before long, instead just sitting there and staring dully at what he assumed was the door. Not that he could tell in the absolute darkness that smothered him. 

He must have passed out at some point, after what felt like hours of crouching in the darkness. When he opened his eyes, he almost started sobbing when he was faced with darkness still.

But then, he almost couldn't believe it. A sliver of light started to glow. Rubbing the sleep and tears from his eyes, Dean watched as the door swung open fully. The light hurt his eyes, making him squint even as he was dragged from the small space.

Lilith stood over him. "Now, have you learned your lesson?"

Dean nods meekly, keeping his eyes downcast. He didn't want to go back into that darkness again, ever.

"Good, now get your stuff together. Its almost time for school." She turned away, before freezing and looking back at him. "Oh, and Dean? Don't tell anyone about this or I'll leave you in there for a week."

Too terrified to answer, Dean just nods and runs off to grab his school bag. Sam was hovering in the hallway, a worried look in his eyes that disappeared the moment he saw his older brother.

Silently, Sam ran over to his brother and hugged him. Dean patted Sam's back, hugging him back as he tried to steady his breathing.

"It's okay Sammy, I'm okay."

Then he was being hustled out the door by the other older kids, and they all headed off to school. Alastair was glaring at Dean, his black eye standing out against his pale skin. Dean hid his grin, at least he'd taught that idjit a lesson. 

The walk to school was short, and Dean stayed quiet, keeping to himself as the other kids laughed and jostled about. He was deep in thought about his brother's birthday. 

Then, he felt someone tapping his shoulder. Looking up, Dean saw an unfamiliar red-haired girl walking beside him. She looked younger than him, her head coming up to his shoulder. Her eyes, however, seemed far older. 

"Hey, I'm Charlie, I was put in the house last night, but I don't remember seeing you." 

Dean panicked, what should he say? "I-I'm Dean, I was at.... a friends place."

Charlie stared at him for a long moment, eyes curious. Then; "Oh! That's cool! How long have you been here?"

"A-about a month." 

Charlie nods, acting as if this was all very important information that she needed to know. "Do you like Doctor Who?"

"Who's that?" Dean vaguely recalled someone talking about it before. 

"Who's that!?" Charlie huffed, obviously offended.

Dean wondered what he had done, watching the strange girl gasp at him.

"It is only the best show ever, I'll show you it sometime since you obviously have no sense of what is right for you." Charlie nodded as if affirming what she said to herself. 

Dean didn't know what to think of her. She sounded a lot older than she looked, as his mummy would have said.

"I like you, Deano, wanna be friends?"

Dean barely missed a beat, reaching out to take her outstretched hand. "Sure."

And with that, they walked into the school. Dean smiling wider than he had in a very, very long time. 

 

////////

Dean was watching Doctor Who with Charlie, his eyes wide as he stared at the screen. His mummy and daddy never would have let him watch this.  
"Your parents used to let you watch this?" Dean asked without thinking.

Charlie goes still beside him. Her eyes were no longer fixed on the TV, but instead on her clasped hands. Dean felt bad, realizing that he had probably made her sad just like how he got when someone asked what happened to his parents.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Mummy didn't let me watch much TV, only the Hobbit movie..." She rubbed her eyes.   
Dean wondered if he should hug her, that's what mummy used to do to make him feel better.

"But after the a-accident, I was sitting in the lounge of the old lady that sometimes took care of me, she was talking to a policeman and I had the TV on..." Charlie sucked in a breath. "This came on and I ended up watching it because then maybe mummy and daddy would come back." She rubbed at her eyes. "I had been at my friend's house, then mummy and daddy were going to pick me up... but the policeman came instead."

Dean felt bad for making the girl cry. He decided that she definitely needed a hug, and awkwardly wrapped his arms around her. 

Sam came in at that moment, shyly ducking his head as he shuffled over to Dean.

"Hey Sammy, are you okay?"

Sam didn't reply, obviously, but he did stare at Charlie for a long moment.

"Oh, this is Charlie, she's new here."

Charlie smiles, rubbing her wet eyes. "Is this your little brother?"

Dean nods, ruffling Sam's head. Sam just kind of hides, staring shyly out from behind Dean.

"He doesn't talk, so don't feel bad if he ignores you."

Charlie just grins. Dean notices she had lost a baby tooth. He wondered if that meant she was more grown up than him, he had only just lost his first baby tooth a few months ago.

"That's okay, I'm still sure we can be friends."

Sam didn't smile, he rarely did, but he did seem to relax a bit.

"How old is he?"Charlie was still looking at Sam with curiosity.

"Three, well he turns four tomorrow."

Charlie squealed, clapping her hands together. "It's his birthday? We have to do something!"

Dean nods seriously, like how he had seen his dad do lots whenever he had a very important phone call or friend over.

"That's what I thought," Dean was just glad someone else got what he was thinking.

Sam, having been startled at the older kid's excited squeal, went back to hiding behind Dean.

"We can see if Miss Lilith can get a cake or maybe even just some cupcakes, and we can make sure he has a good day!" Charlie was excited now.

Dean couldn't wait, he would make sure Sam had a good day, even if it did bring the boys some sadness along with the thoughts of their parents.

Charlie was deep in thought now. "I wish I still had mummy-" She took a deep breath. "Cause when I lived in my old home and went to my old school, I know this family with lots and lots of kids, and the youngest was Sam's age and then they could have been friends..."

Dean frowned. "Lot of kids?"

Charlie nods, animated again if not a bit sad still. "Yeah! They have this older boy, he was a weird name and is a really big kid, he is almost in high school! And then there's Luc-lucifer who was really weird but always nice to me.... he wasn't as old as the other boy though."

Charlie stopped to think. "I can't remember them all, but I know that the one Sam's age had really blue eyes, and the other one had pretty golden hair."

Dean couldn't imagine having that many brothers and sisters. And his mummy used to say he had a very good imagination.   
Again he felt like crying. He missed his mummy a lot, and he really, really wanted her to be there for Sammy's birthday.

 

///////

 

It was Sam's birthday, and Dean woke up early with the plan to do something special. However, he found himself face to face with an angry Lilith glaring down at him. 

"Why am I getting a call from your teachers saying you left school early yesterday?" 

Uh oh, Dean forgot he had slipped away to get Sammy a present. "I'm sorry Miss Lilith."

"'Sorry' won't cut it."

Dean didn't want to go back into that small dark space. "It won't happen again!"

"I know it won't," Her voice was overly sweet. "But I would like to make sure that the message sticks."

Dean cries and fights as Lilith drags him over to the cupboard and shoves him inside. Leaving him in the darkness once more, and on his brother's birthday at that. He just hoped that Sammy didn't get upset.


	4. The Novak's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is much much shorter, and the reason for that is I'm going to start posting chapters around 1000~ words, and although this one is shorter than that, I am posting another one right away!

"Mummmm!" Lucifer ran downstairs, almost tripping as he reached the bottom.   
He was pursued closely by his pain in the but 6-year-old brother Gabriel, who had the biggest grin on his face as he continued to squirt Lucifer with paint.

"MUM!!!" Lucifer ran outside, slamming the door shut in Gabriel's face but of course, that didn't deter the little trickster for long.

"MUM!"

"What!?" Becky looked up in time to see her son plough into her, covered in fresh paint. "Lucifer!"

"It was Gabriel!" Lucifer cried. "He started it."

Becky just sighed. "Of course it was, don't worry I'll talk to the little troublemaker."

Lucifer grinned.

"But don't you think that I'll be letting you off that easy mister, look at the paint you got on me," Becky was starting to think she would never be able to control her two wildest kids. She had hoped that Lucifer would calm with age, but here he was 8 years old and still getting into little wars with Gabe.

"Go get cleaned up, I need to get back to Cassie before Gabriel thinks that toddlers are great additions to prank wars."

Lucifer's eyes light up mischievously.

Becky, noticing this, shakes her head. "Don't even think about it Lucifer."

Pouting, Lucifer instead turns and runs over to the front gate. His best friend Michael stood there already, waiting.

Gabriel had smartly stayed hidden from his mother while Lucifer had told on him. He didn't think that was fair, after all, he hadn't tattle-tailed on the older boy when he had covered Gabe in slime.

Currently, he sat in the attic, grinning as he listened to his mother's voice calling out to him. Once he knew she wouldn't find him, he crawled over to the small window and looked out.

His friend, Charlie's house was sitting empty across the road. He hadn't seen her since the police took her away, and like always he wondered if she was okay.

His mummy had told him that she was with a new family now because something bad had happened to her family, but he didn't really understand what that meant.

All he knew was how he had no friends.

"Gabriel! I know you're up there!" Becky was banging on the attic entrance now. "But get your ass down here, or you're gonna be late to Dance!"

Gabriel grins, scrambling out of his hiding spot. He was down the ladder before Becky had a chance to start yelling again and hurried to grab his dance gear. 

He had his first solo in the next week's competition and he really wanted to win. He had spent every lesson this week training and working on it, he practised it everywhere. At home, at school and even when he went shopping with his mum. Gabriel was the shortest and youngest kid in the group, and he was determined to prove himself. This solo was his best chance. 

Lucifer was already in the car, glaring at his younger brother. Lucifer also danced, but while he preferred a more hip hop style, Gabriel thrived when it came to acrobatics.

"Mum, can we get ice cream after dance?" Gabriel gave his mother his best puppy eyes. 

"Maybe, but only if you both behave."

Lucifer smirked, reaching over and pinching Gabriel. "Yeah, you have to behave."

Gabe slaps his brother's hand away. "Stop it!"

Becky just shakes her head with a sigh and starts the car. Possibly wondering if her kids would ever be normal. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The audience was massive, it was the first competition of the year in this region and Gabriel was bouncing nervously backstage as he waited for his turn. He felt sick, his stomach doing flips as he smoothed down his outfit. Lucifer lounged next to him, much calmer than Gabe. 

"Don't worry brother, you'll do fine."

Gabriel breathed out shakily. Yeah, he would be fine, he could do this. 

"And next up we have Gabriel with his solo, Candyland!" 

Gabriel feels a nervous squeak escape his mouth. Here it was, his first ever time on stage alone. Taking a slow, deep breath to steady himself, Gabriel skips out to the centre stage.

Gabriel had never been so scared in his life as he performed the routine. He somehow managed to keep his showman smile on his face as he danced around the stage, feeling relief at every successful flip, split and turn. 

Finally, he was stretching his leg up over his head, giving the judges a charming smile before somersaulting into his final position. Then, he was skipping back off the stage with the roaring cheers and claps filling the building. 

"Woo! That was amazing Gabe!" Lucifer hi-fived his little brother.

"I did it..." Gabriel felt breathless. "My first solo!"

The two spent the rest of the time sitting together, watching the rest of the dancers do their thing. And then, finally, it was time for the awards. 

"Third place in junior solos goes to... Lucifer Novak!" 

Lucifer jumps up with a large smile, excitedly accepting his trophy and waving to where their teacher and mum sat. 

"Second place... Amy Pond!" A small blonde haired girl races up to accept her prize.

"And finally, in first place... Gabriel Novak!" 

Gabriel could barely believe it. His mouth hurt from smiling ear to ear as he stumbled over to accept his trophy. He had won, he did it. He was finally a true dancer.

After the dancers were dismissed to go to their families, Gabriel barrels into Becky, still smiling widely. 

"I did it, mum!!"

Becky laughed, picking him up and hugging him tightly. "You sure did! I'm so proud of you Gabey!" Then she pulled Lucifer into the hug. "And you too Luce, you were amazing!"

Gabriel had never felt better in his entire life.


	5. Light and Dark

December 15th  
2002

Dean hated the dark. Not for the same reasons that most other kids did, however. No, Dean hated the dark because darkness meant that he was all alone. That he was locked in a small room with nothing to break the heavy silence save his childish sobbing.

He lay in bed, it was after lights out and the only light came from the moon outside, shining into the room as a thin strip between the gap in the curtains.

The other boys were asleep, their deep breathing filling the air and reminding Dean that he wasn't really alone. He still felt scared. He wanted his mummy.

Tomorrow was a big day, so he really should be getting some sleep. But all he could think about was the small, dark cupboard that he constantly spent time in. Lilith put him in there over every small thing he did wrong, and Dean wasn't sure what to do anymore.

All he could do was try and protect little Sammy from it.

Charlie had tried asking where Lilith took him, and Dean could tell that she didn't like the woman either, but for some reason, he could never get the words out. It felt like when he used to not be able to tell mummy something because he was afraid of getting into trouble.

He rolls over with a sigh and tries to count to one hundred. He wanted to sleep.

But now other thoughts were making him feel sick. Sammy still hadn't spoken, and Dean actually found himself missing his brother's little voice, with its small lisp and his habit of still mispronouncing words.

Alastair had taken to bullying his little brother, which had led to Dean picking fights with him which in turn led to more time in the dark cupboard. But Dean hated that the mean boy though he could pick on Sam just because he was quiet.

Dean rolled over again. He was worrying too much, his father would call him a worry wort adult if he were here. The thought just made Dean sad and he spent the rest of the night tossing and turning during a fitful sleep.

The next morning, Dean felt like his entire head was made up of slush. He quietly sat next to Sammy at the breakfast table and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Charlie sat on his other side, strangely quiet as she looked down at her plate glumly.

Dean felt bad. Today he and Sam were finally getting to leave this horrible house. He would no longer have to be put in the small cupboard. Sam wouldn't get bullied by Alastair. They would be happier as long as the new house was nicer.

Sam, while silent, as usual, seemed to be in a better mood than usual as he picked at his breakfast. Dean could scarcely eat. He was too nervous and sad about leaving Charlie behind. He wished he could keep his only friend with him, but she was going to be sent off to a new house in Kansas next month.

Dean wanted to go with her, she would be near their old hometown. Instead, he and Sam were going to somewhere called New York. He could faintly remember his mummy say something about wanting to visit this place once so that somewhat comforted him.

Sam kept close behind Dean as they got ready under Lilith's angry glare. Dean wondered what was going through the small boy's head.

He just hopes that this time round they could be happy.

Lawrence, Kansas  
December 16th  
2002

The Novaks Household

Gabriel couldn't have been happier. He had another set of trophies and ribbons on his wall, he had even beaten Lucifer in the junior's finals.

Now he was sprawled out on the window seat in his room, watching the snow fall outside in a hypnotic dance towards the ground.

Lucifer, who he, unfortunately, had to share a room with following Cassie's birth, was sitting on the floor reading comic books. Gabe had the new spiderman issue in his hands, but at the moment he was more interested in the outside world.

He could hear little Castiel shouting downstairs in excited tones. Balthazar could be heard laughing. Their parents were out doing some Christmas shopping, leaving Balthazar behind to babysit. Of course, Anna claimed that at 12, she didn't need to be babysat and currently sat sulking in her room.

His mummy had told him a secret before she had left when he had asked why they were getting more presents when they had already finished shopping the week before. And now he was really excited because he was going to have a new baby brother or sister.

Of course, he mustn't tell Lucifer, who was already grumpy about the amount of sibling he had. Being the third oldest, 9-year-old Luci was already living up to his namesake.

Suddenly Cas came toddling into their room, screaming with laughter as Balthazar came running in behind him with outstretched arms. Cassie was dressed in only a towel, his black hair fluffy from being dried.

"Cassie! You have to get into pyjamas!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"You mwean!"

"I know I am, but you gotta get dressed buddy."

"Why! Gabey help!" Castiel clambered up onto Gabe's window seat.

"Nope, sorry bud." Gabriel laughed, handing the small, wriggling bundle to the puffing Balthy.

Balthazar sighs, struggling to keep a wriggling Cas as he walked back out of the room.

Lucifer grinned. "Looks like our little brother is going to be a rebellious little thing when he gets older... just like his brother Satan."

"Na-uh, he's gonna be a Trickster like me." Gabe hung upside down on the seat now, sticking his tongue out at Lucifer, his hair brushing against the floor. "We couldn't handle more satan jokes."

"Hey, I'm literally named after the devil, what do you expect?" Lucifer threw a cushion at Gabe.

"Bish please."

"LANGUAGE," Balthazar yells, walking back past the room.

"ENGLISH," Gabriel sasses back.

Lucifer starts laughing, falling backwards as he clutches his stomach. Gabriel sighed, he didn't understand his older brother sometimes.

Gabriel sits back upright, shaking his head to clear it. Outside, the snow had picked up, the white blanket on the ground starting to form a thicker layer.

He watched his parents pull back into the drive, and heard his siblings shouting and running around the house. Lucifer was still giggling. Gabriel just smiles widely, pressing his nose against the chilly glass and feeling a warm sense of peace settle over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really wanna show the differences between the Novak's life and the Winchester's because they're so different and that was my original idea for this.


	6. His golden friend

January 24th  
2004

The Winchester's

'Happy birthday De.'  
Dean held the messily scribbled, handmade card that Sam had given him. A small smile made it's way onto his face even as his eyes burned with tears.

"Thanks, Sammy." He ruffled the smaller boy's hair. "Your spelling has gotten good, nerd."

Sam just smiled, his eyes solemn.

For Dean, his 8th birthday was a painful reminder that yet another year had passed without his mum and dad.

They had been put in several houses over the last two years, and by now he had thought that that night would be a blurry memory and that's that. But Dean still lay awake at night, having the same nightmares over and over. It didn't help that they had ended back under Miss Lilith's care.

Even now all he wanted for his birthday was his mummy and daddy back.

"Okay you lot, get ready for school." Their current caregiver's, Mr and Mrs Hamilton were so much nicer than most of their other ones, but Dean just knew it wouldn't be long until they moved again.

He helped Sammy grab his bag, still sure that the 5-year-old was much too young to be starting school. As far as he was concerned, Sam was much safer here at the home rather than at a school full of kids who would target him for being different. 

Maybe Dean just missed Charlie.

"Okay you little shits, grab your gear and get going or you'll be late."

Dean hurries to obey, dragging Sam behind him. He wasn't going to lie to himself, Miss Lilith scared him, and for good reason too.

Once they got to school, Dean reluctantly left Sam with the receptionist before being ushered away to his classroom. 

Sam

Sam played with the hem of his oversized plaid shirt (it was actually Dean's old one), watching the lady Dean had left him with go through some paperwork. He had thought starting a new school for the first time had been bad enough at the start of the school year, but having to transfer now was even worse. At least he now knew what school was like. 

"Okay sweetie, I'll take you down to meet your teacher now."

Sam simply nods. It wasn't like he was going to reply anyway. He was trembling all over, following her down the hall. He hated school, hated being the new weird kid. 

He wished Dean was here, Dean stopped all the bullies just by looking at them. Sam was grateful for his brother's fighting skills.

"Here we are, Mrs Tran, I have your new student here."

Sam felt like he was going to throw up.

"Ah, you must be Samuel, come on in." 

Sam hesitated, twisting his fingers as he walked into the room, feeling all eyes instantly falling on him. Behind him, he could hear the first lady quietly explaining his quietness to Mrs Tran.

"Okay, Samuel, why don't you take a seat over there."

"Miss! Why doesn't he have to say something about himself?" Several other kids whisper in agreement.

"Well kids, that is because Sam he doesn't talk."

Sam dreaded this part, quickly taking his seat and lowering his head as the questions start.

"Why not?"

"Is he simple?"

"Didn't his parent's teach him?"

Sam felt his ears start burning. Mrs Tran tries to get everyone to settle down, but the kids around Sam were curious and loud. Sam just pulled out his pencils and paper and started drawing in order to block out the burning questions. 

The time leading up to lunch went by painfully slow, Sam having question after question thrown at him. The most painful of which were the ones asking about his parents.

"Why didn't your parents teach you?" One kid chirped, following Sam out of the classroom as the bell finally rang, releasing them to lunch.

"They probably didn't want to, once they saw he was a freak," another kid laughed.

Sam flinched, the word 'freak' hitting him like a knife. 

Then, the shoving started. 

Sam, being the smallest in his grade, wriggled free of the laughing bullies, and runs for the exit with his drawing book clutched tightly to his chest. Much to his embarrassment, Sam felt hot tears start to flow down his red cheeks. 

The laughter faded behind him, and Sam made a beeline for the large tree standing on the edge of the playing field.

He sits at the base of the tree, drawing his knees to his chest as he tried not to cry, his drawing book falling to the side. 

The pain in his chest was too painful, he just wanted his mummy to give him a tight hug like she used to when he would have a bad dream. Now, whenever he thought of his mum, he saw her lying on the floor surrounded by a dark pool of red. 

"Hey kiddo, you okay?" A new voice came from behind him.

Sam whipped around, rubbing his eyes. 

"Why are you crying?"

Sam sniffed, staring at the golden-haired kid who looked closer to Dean's age, he huddled slightly behind the tree trunk, hoping the kid would go away.

"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to talk if you want." The kid slipped his bag off his back and pulls something out from the side pocket. "Here, wanna lollipop?"

Sam stops wiping his face with his large sleeves, nodding slowly.

"Sweet," the golden-haired kid handed it to him. "I'm Gabriel."

Sam smiled slightly, somehow feeling better already as he unwraps his lolly. Then, he points to where his name had been carefully printed on his book by Dean.

"Sam? That's your name?"

Sam nods, relaxing into a more comfortable position.

"Mind if I sit with you, Sam?" Gabriel was already sitting down cross-legged, opposite Sam.

"I'm from Kansas, but my family and I are here for a dance competition, but then my older brother started being mean so I left the hotel room, of course, it was probably cause I pranked him... but he was really, really mean and I'm sick of always being picked on so I just decided to leave and now I lost but that's okay cause I met you and you're really cool."

Sam blinks. He had never heard someone speak so much so fast before. One one hand, he was startled by Gabriel's story, on the other... no one had ever called him cool before outside of his family. He decided he liked this boy.

"How old are you anyway?" 

Sam held up one hand, showing all five fingers. 

"Oh cool! I'm 7 but my ma tells me I act like a 5-year-old... I dunno if that's good or not."

Sam huffed, smiling in amusement as he pulled his pb&j sandwich out of his bag. He could see that Gabe was watching him carefully.

"What's that?"

Sam looks at him, raising an eyebrow before reaching over and grabbing his pencil.

'Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.' He scrawled this across his drawing book, sticking his tongue out as he tried to remember the spelling.

"Peanut butter with jelly? In a sandwich?"

Sam nods slowly, taking a bite out of the sandwich as he watched the boy frowned.

Gabriel made another small noise, before pulling out another piece of candy and sticking it in his mouth.

Sam's eyes widen, his mummy would have told him off if he had sweets before lunch.

He grabbed the other half of the sandwich, Dean had carefully cut it for him and silently handed it to Gabe.

Gabriel simply stared at it, frowning.

Sam huffed, thrusting it closer to Gabriel.

Now Gabe seemed to understand, and slowly grabbed the sandwich.

"Are you sure?"

Sam nodded, taking a satisfying bite from his own half.

"I've never tried peanut butter before, especially not with jelly."

Sam felt shocked at this. Pb&j was his favourite, his mummy used to make it for them all the time and now Dean made it for him.

He watched as Gabriel took a careful bite, then his eyes widen.   
"This is amazing!"

Sam laughed silently and the two share a grin before digging into their food.


	7. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

January 27th  
2004

Sam

Sam was careful to move only when Lilith wasn't looking. He was terrified of her and knew that she had been doing something to Dean. This made him angry, but he was too scared to even look at her, let alone help his older brother. 

Lilith was currently dealing with two six-year-olds that were new to the home. He could hear her annoyed yells from where he hid behind the kitchen counter. The peanut and jelly sandwiches were almost done, he was jumping at every little sound, not wanting to be caught out, but thankfully no one came into the room. It helped that no one noticed when Sam wasn't around, being quiet was actually doing him good now. 

Despite his nerves, Sam was buzzing with excitement. Today he would be seeing Gabriel again, which is why he was carefully making an extra sandwich. He had also grabbed some candy from another kid's secret stash. Gabriel really loved his candy. 

Sam had sworn that he wouldn't tell anyone about Gabriel and his running away (not that he could if he wanted, being mute and all). Honestly, Sam hadn't been this happy since the night of the attacker, in fact until now all he had really felt was a constant, dull grey feeling.

Footsteps could be heard coming his way, and he hurriedly stuffs the sandwich in the bag that Dean had put his one in, and runs out of the room to join his brother by the front door.

He looked up at his brother, who was staring absently at the peeling paint of the front door. Sam bumped against him, and Dean looked down. 

"Hey, Sammy, where were you?"

Sam shrugs, tilting his head as he looked at his brother's latest bruise, large and dark on his arm and barely hidden by his t-shirt. 

"Okay you shits, get to school before you're late, the last thing we need is teachers snooping."

The group of kids jostle each other around as they rush out the door to get started on their 8 hours of relief from Lilith's abuse. As usual, Sam has to hold Dean's hand to stop himself from being tripped up. Once on the street, Sam practically spent the entire walk bouncing on his toes as the excitement of seeing his new friend. 

"Look at you, you nerd, all excited to go to school already." 

Sam just stuck his tongue out at his brother.

That morning's class went by slowly. Sam couldn't even focus went they did art - which he usually loved. Instead, all he could do was wait for the bell to ring. When it finally did, Sam was out the door with his bag faster than anyone else. He flew through the halls and out into the playground. Past laughing kids, across the field that was now slightly muddy after last night's rain. Finally, to the tree that was now their spot. Gabriel was already there, reading a comic book with a small smile. 

"Hiya Sammy!" His grin grew wider as Sam sat next to him, breathing hard from his sprint.

Sam waves, before pulling out the two sandwiches.

"Thanks! I'm so hungry, and these are actually amazing!"

Sam laughs silently as Gabriel dug in, before doing the same. He loved lunchtimes with Gabriel and hoped that his new friend would stay around. 

"So Samantha."

Sam pulls a face at this new nickname. 

"Where are you from? Y'know, before..."

Sam sighed heavily, raising an eyebrow at Gabriel.

"You can write it, jeez."

Sam wasn't entirely sure how to spell it. He knew his entire address off by heart of course- his mummy had made him and Dean repeat their address and telephone number just in case they got separated somehow. Of course, speaking it and spelling it was very different. 

Still, he tried. 'Cansis.'

"Cansis? Oh! Kansas?"

Sam nods, finishing off his sandwich.

"I'm from Sioux Falls myself, but I hate my school and have no friends." Gabriel looked over at Sam. "But now we're friends, so I'm not alone now."

Sam stretches out on the grass, Gabriel lay beside him and they stared up at the blue sky. Sam indicated that Gabriel should talk. That was how their friendship worked best, Gabriel loved talking, and Sam was a good listener. 

"So Lucifer was such a pain this one time, he and all his big kid friends thought it would be funny to chase me up a tree! I swear, he is nice until he's with them." Gabriel scoffed, obviously thinking about this some more.

Meanwhile, Sam was frowning at the sky. He had known the names of Gabriel's extensive family members since that first time they hung out, and it had been since then that he had had the itching feeling over the name Lucifer. It was one of those thought itches, in your brain that made it feel like someone had poured itching powder in there. But he knew the name Lucifer, he just couldn't remember who he had heard it from.

"- Of course, then I told Lucifer that I had released a dozen spiders in his room even though I actually hadn't - they had been crickets-"

Sam shook his head, feeling bad for not listening and made an effort to tune in to the boy's story.

"Then Charlie came over and helped me get my revenge."

Sam rolled over, eyes widening. He instantly remembered where he had heard the name Lucifer. Dean's friend, Charlie, had been talking about them back before his fourth birthday.

"But of course, now Charlie is gone..."

Sam grabbed his drawing gear. 'Red hair?'

Gabriel frowned. "Yeah... she had red hair."

Sam grinned.

"Wait, do you know her?"

Nodding, Sam wrote more. 'Dean's friend.'

"Is she here now?" Gabe's eyes light up in excitement.

Sam shook his head, biting his lip. 

"Oh." Gabriel lay back down, frowning a the sky. 

Sam lay down too, a bad feeling in his stomach at the sight of his now sad friend. 'Sorry.' He mouths this silently at the sky. 

Castiel

Cas sat solemnly in his car seat as his mother flew down the road. He wasn't really sure what was going on past the fact the Gabriel suddenly wasn't with them anymore. Their dad had had to go back home for work, but Balthazar sat quietly in the front seat. Lucifer was next to him, but he wasn't smiling now. Instead, he looked like he was about to start crying. 

"Oh God, what if he got hit by a car? Or kidnapped!?" His mum was crying.

Castiel didn't like it when his mummy cried, it made him want to cry. The only one that wasn't looking sad was little Samandriel who was asleep in his car seat on Lucifer's other side. 

"He'll be fine, just take deep breaths mum." Balthazar looked like he was crying too.

"Luci?" Cas grabbed his older brother's arm. "Is Gabbey okay?"

"Yea Cassie, Gabe is fine."

Castiel tilted his head. Lucifer didn't sound sure about that.

"Where is my son?" 

Castiel bit his lip, he didn't like his mummy sounding so sad.

To distract himself, Cas looked out the window and saw a brown-haired boy walking along. A short kid with messy brown hair was following behind him. In the second that their car went past. The older of the two boys looked up and his green eyes briefly meet Cas's own eyes.

Then the moment passed, and they were turning around the corner, leaving the two boys behind.


	8. Goodbyes are hard

Sam sat on his bed, carefully colouring his newest drawing with the good coloured pencils that Dean had somehow managed to get him. It was a drawing of him and Gabriel under their tree. He hoped to show it to his friend tomorrow, he was sure that the older kid would like it, Gabriel always loved looking at Sam's drawings.

It was well past midnight now, and while it was lights out, there was just enough light coming in from the full moon outside that came through the window. Sam couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was the events of the attack.

It didn't happen as much anymore. The nightmares. But when they did, he had no hope of actually getting any sleep. Drawing calmed him, allowing him to forget the bloody images. Even if it was only for a moment. 

He tried to push any memories of that night as they bubbled up. But that was easier said than done. Being in school made him realize just how much he was missing out on. 

He missed his mummy more than anything. He thought about how lucky Dean had been, Dean had been able to have more time with their mum, had had more hugs and more stories. Of course, Sam wasn't angry at Dean, not by a long shot. But he just really wanted to have another hug from his mummy. 

The paper in front of him now had several wet spots on it, and Sam realized that he was crying again. The warm tears tickling his nose as they rolled down to the tip, where they were starting to fall steadily onto his drawing. 

Scared of ruining it, Sam hastily sits up and shuffles back from the drawing. 

It was now that a knock sounded on the window. Sam froze, his limbs stiff with fear. Another knock, quiet but real, and Sam turns his head towards the dark window.

There was nothing there, unsurprising considering they were on the second story. Still, Sam felt scared as he slowly climbed off his bed. In his fearful state, he half expected something to grab and pull him into the dark gap under his bed. Nothing did, of course, and Sam walked over to the window. Standing on his tippy toes, Sam looks hesitantly out into the dark yard. He strained to see anything, and much to his surprise, he saw a familiar shock of golden hair. 

Smiling despite his shaky fear, Sam turned and quietly crept out of his room and into the dark hall. He held his breath while creeping past Lilith's room, and before long he was downstairs and next to the back door. Now he was faced with the problem that Miss Lilith kept the keys in the highest drawer. Sam, well Sam was a lot shorter than other kids his age, and therefore his reach fell short of even touching this drawer. 

Huffing, Sam heads over to the dining table. It takes him several long moments of huffing and pushing, but he manages to get the chair over to the drawers and retrieves the keys.

Now he uses the chair to reach the lock, and within seconds he is able to walk out into the night. 

Sure enough, Gabriel was waiting for him, a small smile on his friend's face.

Sam tilted his head, giving Gabe a confused look.

"Sorry if I woke you up..."

Sam shakes his head, his hair bouncing in his face.

"Good, it's just..." Gabe looked down to where he was digging to into the dirt.

Sam wasn't always very good at telling what others were feeling, but he could see now that Gabriel was definitely sad. It made Sam want to hug him.

"I feel sad for some reason, I don't wanna be... alone."

Sam was right then. Not that he wanted to be.  
Frowning, Sam moved closer to his friend and wrapped his arms around him.

Gabriel hugged him back. "Thanks, Sammy."

Sam had an idea then and stepped back with a smile. Grabbing Gabriel's hand, he indicated that the older boy should follow him and they crept back inside the house. 

Sam lead him up the stairs, cautious of Miss Lilith's room. They went past girl's room, past the older boy's room where Dean was. Reaching the attic entrance, Sam looked up at his taller friend. He frowns at the hanging string, indicating that Gabriel - who could just reach it - should reach up and grab it.

Gabriel grinned at him in the darkness, already jumping up and pulling the ladder down. The ladder creaked as they scrambled up it, but thankfully Sam didn't hear any movement from below as they quietly pulled the ladder back up. 

Up in the attic, it was dark, cold and dusty. It was obvious that no one had been up here in a very long time. Still, Sam managed to find some old blankets in a box which he then used to make the two of them a very cozy nest looking out the small window. 

Sam felt at peace at that moment, smiling happily as he sat under the blankets with Gabriel. They fell asleep together, the last thing Sam thought was how peaceful and nice he felt.

\----Gabriel----

Gabriel woke up under a pile of blankets. For a moment he was confused as to where exactly he was. Then he became aware of his younger friend, Sammy, sleeping next to him and he remembered how he had come here in a moment of loneliness. 

The sun was only just peeking in through the grimy attic window and for a moment everything felt peaceful. 

Then that moment was shattered as an all too familiar car pulled up out front. Gabriel bolted upright and pressed his nose against the glass, watching as his mother stepped out of the driver's seat and hurries up the front path. 

Movement from behind him alerted him to Sam waking up. He looked back at his friend, almost laughing at the sleepy confusion on the small boy's face coupled with the way his hair stuck up everywhere. 

Gabriel felt stuck, what should he do? Surely they wouldn't find him up here, and he certainly didn't want to leave his new friend... and yet at the same time, Gabriel was surprised to realize that he had, in fact, missed his family.

Sam tapped Gabe on the arm, pulling him out of his thoughts. He was tilting his head, and Gabriel could see the unspoken question in his eyes. 

Gabriel looked back out the window, feeling torn. "My family are here."

He almost missed the small, shocked noise that came from Sam. The small boy looked at him, sadness in his eyes. 

Gabriel opened his mouth, to say something although what it was exactly he wasn't sure, then he looked back out the window. Castiel was sitting on the sidewalk, head resting in his chubby hands as he looks out at the street. He looked so small, and alone. Lucifer was hanging out in the back seat, playing on his new phone and Balthazar was in the front seat, also on his phone. But little Castiel looked like he had been crying, and was now looking up at the house sadly. 

Gabriel felt guilty, did Cassie miss him? He was only 5 - Sammy's age, and was probably so confused as to where his older brother had gone.

He looked back at Sam, feeling a heavy sense of sadness. Judging by Sam's face, the younger kid had already figured out what Gabe had decided before Gabriel himself had. Sammy was definitely smart for his age.

"See that little kid out there?" Gabriel pointed down to Cas. 

Sam looked down, nodding. 

"Well, that's my little brother Castiel." Gabriel smiles, "and I don't know if I can leave him if the others are just going to ignore him whenever he gets sad, cause Cassie is a good kid and he deserves so much more."

Sam nods again, smiling sadly even as he looks to understand what Gabriel meant. 

Voices sound below them, two women. Gabriel identifies one of them to be his mother's, and a quiver of fear shoots through him.

"Samuel Winchester! Are you up in that damn attic!?" The other women, who Gabriel thinks might be the dreaded Miss Lilith, calls up to them.

Sam looks at Gabriel wide-eyed. But there was no escaping their fate. Gabriel swallows thickly, feeling his nerves flutter around his stomach as the two boys slowly make their way over to the now open entrance. Sure enough, Miss Lilith and his mother stood at the bottom of the ladder, glaring up at them. 

Gabriel didn't want to leave his friend. But one look from his mother and he was hurriedly scrambling down the ladder, Sam right behind him. The smaller boy hid behind Gabe as they faced the two angry adults. A green-eyed boy poked his head out from around the corner, his eyes full of worry.

"Gabriel Novak, you are coming home this instant! Do you know how worried we've been!? I can't believe you would pull such a stupid trick!" Gabriel flinched as his mother yelled at him, feeling worse by the second.

"Sorry, mum." He can barely speak.

"You better be! You're lucky that someone saw you coming here and called it in! I've been looking everywhere for you!" He had never heard his mother sound so angry.

"Now, Lilith, we are so sorry about this, Gabriel will be grounded for a very, very long time I can assure you."

Lilith smiled, looking at the two boys. "It's fine, honestly I'm rather surprised that Sam is involved in this, that kid doesn't even speak let alone make friends."

Gabriel could feel his friend shrink even further behind him.

"Well, Gabriel is rather persuasive, he's no doubt bribed the boy into helping him."

Gabriel bit his lip in anger, Sam was his friend!

"Now, we should really get going, again I am so sorry about this."

Lilith waved her off. 

Gabriel held Sammy's hand tightly for a moment. "It'll be okay, we will always be best friends, okay?"

The little boy smiled weakly, nodding.

"And make sure that next time we meet, you bring me a PB&J, okay?"

Now Sam laughed silently. Then Gabriel's mother was pulling him away, muttering under her breath that she should ground him for life.

Gabriel just watched his friend frown after him. The last thing he saw of his friend was him flinching away from Miss Lilith, then he was being marched downstairs and out into the grey morning.


	9. Fight Club

January 29th

~Dean~

Dean found his brother sitting by an old tree. Sam was doodling in his drawing book with a sad look on his face. 

"Hey, Sammy." Dean took a careful seat next to his brother. 

Sam doesn't look up, his eyes stay fixed on the golden-haired boy that he was currently colouring in.

"That's a good drawing..." Dean fiddles with a blade of grass. 

Again, Sam shows no sign of having heard him.

"Is that your uh... friend?" 

Now Sam looks up, his eyes akin to that of a kicked puppy. That look made him feel immediately bad, Dean hadn't realized just how close the two had been. 

"I just can't believe I didn't notice you two were friends, I guess I'm the most oblivious big brother," Dean tries joking.

Sam just sighs, looking down again.

"Were you two close?" Dean didn't expect an answer, of course, but he felt bad that he hadn't spent much time with his brother lately. "He seemed nice."

Sam gave Dean a 'really' look. 

"Come on, I miss our talks... you could write?" Sam was smart and Dean had no doubt that Sam would be able to write better than anyone else in his class.

Sam hesitates, and Dean stays silent as he watches the smaller boy grab his pencil. 

'He was my best friend,' Sam wrote in a messy scrawl.

Dean smiles widely. "Really? Where did you guys meet?"

Sam pointed at the tree that they sat under. 

"That's awesome Sammy, what was he like?" Dean shuffles closer to his brother, grateful for the chance to finally have what his mummy used to say 'brother bonding time'.

'Funny, he pranks people,' Sam smiles fondly as he wrote this. 'And he didnt care that I dont talk.'

"That's awesome Sammy!" Dean shares a small smile with his brother. "I'm sorry about him leaving."

Sam shrugs, chewing the end of his pencil. Dean could have sworn that he could see tears in his eyes.

"Uh, do you want to share my peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Dean noted that Sam had no lunch. 

Sam shakes his head and after that, the two boys lapse into silence. Dean just sighs and digs into his lunch while Sam goes back to drawing. 

On the plus side, Dean decided while looking at his brother, that was the longest conversation the brothers had had in a very long time. 

This cheered him up somewhat, and it was rare that he felt cheered these days. Dean decides that he needed to make more of an effort to be there for his brother. 

Maybe he could take him to the park later that week... yes, Dean knew that Sammy would love that. 

~~~~~~

Dean was the first one out of the class that afternoon when the bell rang. He ran to the cloakroom, grabbing his bag and jacket off the hook. He shrugs his jacket on and is out into the halls before Alastair's class had a chance of also being released. 

His battered body couldn't take any more hits today.

He heads straight for Sam's class, running along the cheerfully painted corridors. He was almost there, just a corner away. 

Then hands were pulling him into the boy's toilets. 

"Winchester! I wanna talk to you about that stunt you pulled against me yesterday." Alastair was glaring down at him. His friends stood close behind.

"What do you want Alastair?"

"I want to teach you a lesson for always acting tougher than you are." Alastair advances forward.

Dean clenches his fists. "Leave me alone."

"Or what?"

Dean was the first one to throw a punch. He hit Alastair square in the stomach, making the older boy grunt in pain. Alastair growls and tackles Dean. They landed heavily on the hard ground, exchanging punches as they rolled around. Alastair's friends just stand to the side laughing 

"Give it up, Winchester, you can't beat me."

Dean doesn't reply, glaring at the boy as they wrestle on the ground. Alastair's elbow catches his mouth, followed by the sharp taste of blood. Not that Dean cared, why cry over a few more bruises being added to his painful collection? Not him, not anymore. 

"Gonna cry?" Alastair grins, having pinned Dean down.

"Are you?" Dean spits blood at the older boy, and then he knees him in the stomach with all the strength he could manage. 

Alastair gasps in pain, his grip on Dean's shoulder growing weak enough that the boy could slip out from under him. He kicks Alastair in the side for good measure, wiping the blood from his mouth as he turns and flees from the scene. 

The corridor was still packed full of kids. Some only just leaving their classrooms as Dean weaved through them. He ignores their looks as he searches for his little brother. Where was his little brother?

Sam wasn't standing outside his classroom when Dean finally reached it, which was unlike Sam since Gabriel had left. He was always there, waiting for Dean to swing by and pick him up.

"Sammy!?" Dean's voice gets lost in the crowd of yelling students. "Sam!?"

Dean pushed his way through the crowd, wincing every time someone knocked against his bruises. 

"Dean! Dean Winchester!" A small boy popped out of nowhere, standing right in Dean's path.

"What?" Dean hoped that this was a friend of Sam's.

"You have to come quick! Sammy's in a fight!" The small boy tugged on Dean's flannel shirt. "Hurry!"

Feeling a wave of worry, Dean let the small boy lead him through the corridor. He felt confused, how on Earth did a kid like his Sammy end up in a fight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda on the short side, usually, I try to keep my chapters around the 1000 word mark but this only just reaches 947... oops.


	10. Where's Sammy?

April 14th

Life for the Winchester's had been getting increasingly hard. Dean had been getting caught in more and more fights, he was becoming an outspoken and fierce kid. All you had to do was look into his always angry eyes and you could see that he would fight the entire world if he had to.

Sam, on the other hand, was the opposite of his problem child of an older brother. He kept to himself, avoided everyone and wouldn't even smile anymore. 

Dean blamed Lilith. 

Now he was sitting in the dreaded dark cupboard, trying to keep the tears from falling as he curls up as tight as he could. Oh god, he hated the dark. The small space was suffocating, he was going to die in there. Oh no, he couldn't breathe. There wouldn't be much oxygen left. He was going to die. 

He trembled, now these thoughts had started, it wouldn't be long before he completely broke. But he couldn't because if he started yelling then Sam might hear him. And if Sam heard him then he'd try getting Dean out and god only knows what Lilith would do to the poor kid then. 

Dean had given up trying to ask what he had done wrong now. All he knew was that one moment he had been glaring at Alastair, and the next Lilith was throwing him in here again.

He just wanted help. So at first, he tried praying because his mummy had always said that Angel's were watching over him.

Now he didn't bother. 

Tonight was the anniversary of his parent's deaths. Dean tried not to think about it, he already relived it every night when he went to sleep. But Sammy needed him.

How many years had passed now? Two? Dean knew that this was not many, you could count that on one hand after all, but at the same time, it felt like a long time ago.

He shifted in the dark, biting his lip as a corner of a box dug into the fresh bruise on his side. How many times had he gotten into a fight today alone?

It wasn't his fault, the other boys always started it. Dean also couldn't help that he had quickly gotten good at this whole fighting thing... maybe he should teach Sammy some basic things, just to keep him safe of course. 

Dean wished he could fight Lilith. 

In the cupboard, Dean is unable to tell how long has actually passed before he's let out. All he knows is that it feels like an eternity each time. His mother used to tell him how there was a Heaven and a Hell, God and the Devil. Well, Dean felt like he was in this 'Hell' every time Lilith shoved him in here. 

He was beginning there were no Angel's looking out for him. Not anymore. 

Oh great, and now he was crying. Hot tears running down his cheeks, soaking into the neckline of his cotton t-shirt. There was no stopping the tears once they started, his silent sobs shaking through his body as he curled up into a tighter ball. 

He wanted his mummy. He often thought that she had surely ended up in Heaven as an angel, she had been such a beautiful person. So why wasn't she helping him?

"Mummy?" Dean's sobs into the darkness. He used to pray, now he just begged (which as far as he was concerned, was just the same as praying) and cried.

Eventually, he manages to cry himself into the arms of sleep. Though, even then he knew he wouldn't find much peace. No, all those nice dreams that child should have seemed to avoid him now. 

~~~~

As always, he was let out of the small space the next morning. His body hurt and cramped as he hurried up to his brother's room. 

Sam wasn't there. He also wasn't in the backyard, bathroom or kitchen. It was the weekend, so they didn't have school. Which left Dean wondering... where was Sammy?

Maybe Alastair had him. This thought made his blood boil in anger, he didn't care if the boy was bigger than him. If Alastair had Sammy then Dean would kill him. Okay, that was maybe a tad harsh, but he would seriously beat him up.

He found Alastair in the basement. Which really wasn't all that surprising to Dean, after all the basement was the perfect place for creeps and monsters to hang out.

"Where's Sammy?" Dean demands, walking up to the older boy with clenched fists.

Alastair slowly looks up from his GameBoy. "How should I know where that freak went?"

Flinching at the way the other boy spat out the word 'freak', Dean stood as tall as he could. "Who are you calling freak? Freak." Yeah, as soon as he bravely said these words, he regretted it. He was in for one hell of a beating now. 

Alastair stands up slowly, glaring at Dean. "What?"

What Dean should have done was apologize then and there. Unfortunately, that went against Dean's code apparently for instead he puffs up his chest and says; "You heard me, you are a freak."

He saw the punch coming before Alastair even raised his fist. This doesn't stop him from reeling back in a pained daze as the blow hits the side of his face. He really didn't have time to fight, he needed to find Sammy... but then again if he backed down from a fight then Alastair would think he was really weak.

So Dean punched Alastair in the stomach. 

Then Lilith was there, grabbing both them by the arm and yanking them apart. Now they really had it coming. Alastair was breathing heavily, his gaze pure fury as he glared at Dean. 

"What the hell is going on here?" 

Dean exhaled in a huff, refusing to answer as he met the other boy's look with angry eyes of his own. 

"Well?" Lilith dug her nails into their arms.

Dean bit his lip, refusing to show any response to the pain that she was causing him. Alastair squares his shoulders and strangely enough stays silent as well.

"Maybe a wooden spoon could help jog your memories." 

Oh no. Dean feels a wave of cold fear, he still had the barely healed marks to show from his last beating. 

Lilith pulls them both upstairs, silent waves of anger seeming to radiate from her. Dean wriggled, trying to pull his arm free but her grip was like steel, her nails digging into his wrist. Even Alastair was trying to pull free, his cruel eyes for once filled with fear. 

"I knew that you and your brother would be trouble the moment you were first dumped at my feet." Lilith threw Dean against the wall. "So troublesome, but I suppose that's just because your parent's failed a disciplining you."

"They did not!" Dean hated this woman with all his heart, no one said bad things about his mummy and daddy.  
"Don't talk back to me boy." Lilith slaps him, hard. "It's bad manners." She grabbed the thick wooden stick, it was a joke to think of it as a simple spoon, and brings it down onto his back.

Alastair was huddled on the ground, Dean could feel his eyes on him as the evil woman brought the spoon down again and again. It hurt. So badly that it brought fresh tears to his eyes.

Still, he doesn't say another word, nor does he let out any more sounds of pain. He refused to let her break him like that. 

The door opened then, and who should walk in but little Sammy himself. He had evidently been crying and rushed straight for Lilith as she smacked Dean over the head. He doesn't say anything of course, but as he weakly tried to grab Lilith's hand, it was obvious that he had come in to try and help his brother.

"Sam, no-" Dean wheezes in pain. 

"Oh look, the other troublesome pile of crap," she sneers down at Sam. "Leave immediately or I'll beat you too."

Sam just pulls on her arm once more, getting in the way of her hitting Dean. He was quick to end up on the floor with a horribly red mark blooming across his face. 

Dean was forced to watch as she turned her beating stick onto his little brother who he could no longer protect.


	11. A new home

September 1st  
2005

Dean had never thought he'd see the day when they finally left Lilith and her cruel home behind them.

It was a cold, dreary day. The trees growing bare as the crisp autumn air carried the colourful leaves to the ground.

Sammy stood next to him, face fixed in its permanent frown as he watched the car pull up out front.

"It'll be okay Sammy," Dean took his brother's hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Right, you boys ready?" The lady stepped forward, warm smile.on her face.

Lilith was watching, her face colder than the air around them. It sent shivers down Dean's spine as he stared right back. Those eyes, he knew, would join his parent's killer in his nightmares.

"It's okay, you can say your goodbyes."

Dean couldn't stand the thought of saying another word to the evil woman, no he'd rather go in that horrid dark hole of a cupboard again. "Come on, Sammy." He tugged Sam's hand, "let's go."

With each step down the wooden stairs, Dean felt a bit lighter. He felt closer to freedom. He was getting his brother out.

"You'll love the new house, don't you worry." The lady placed a hand on his shoulder, ignoring his wince as she continued. "And of course the new school is going to be perfect for the both of you, they have an advanced student program that I just know little Sammy will thrive in."

Dean was the only one who called Sam Sammy, it sounded very wrong to his ears to hear her say that. A glance back at the horrible house, and then he climbed into the car, feeling more tired than ever. Sam sat next to him, unreadable eyes staring out the window as the car pulled away.

Letting his thoughts drift to those of their new home, hoping that it might be nicer than Lilith's. Fearing that it might be worse.

What happened if it were worse? He couldn't take any more beatings, he wasn't sure if he could handle being locked up.

Sam startled him out of his thoughts by slapping his arm. His round, hazel eyes wide with worry as he looked up at his older brother.

Dean felt faint, his chest hurt and was this what a heart attack felt like? He was fairly sure that he was dying.

Sam grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. That small, comforting gesture sent warmth into Dean's heart. Even now, after everything, Sammy was there for him.

Cheered ever so slightly, he looked out the window at the passing houses. He began to dream up what the next home would be like, would their caregivers be kind? He could see it now, in his mind's eye. A kind lady who smelled of cookie dough and pie. A man who wanted to play catch with them... the perfect, fear-free home.

~~~~~

He was shaken awake by the care-worker who had driven them. Her warm smile calming him as he sat upright in a panicked state.

"We're here."

He rubs the sleep from his eyes, immediately looking for Sammy who was no longer sitting next to him. Instead, he found the boy standing outside the car with a solemn look on his face as he stared up at the large house.

Dean reluctantly got out as well, shivering in the cool fall air. Dried leaves skitter past, carried by a breeze. Dean wanted to climb right back into the car.

"It'll be okay boys, you will be looked after here." The nice woman kneels down next to them. "And maybe if you're good, they'll let you visit Miss Lilith again if you miss her this much."

Dean certainly hoped that they didn't.

He felt Sammy grab at his hand, the brother's linking hands as they stared up at the large sign that read; 'Mrs Macleod's home for Orphaned children.'

This wasn't like any home they had been in before, because this was an actual orphanage, not a foster home. Dean had heard horror tales from other foster children. When they had had no one to take them in and had instead been sent to horrid places like this.

"Don't be afraid, Mrs Macleod is very nice, and she even has a son of her own that's your age, Dean."

Sammy huddled closer to Dean.

"Grab your bags boys, I'll take you up to meet her."

His bag felt as if it weighed a hundred kgs. Which he knew was a lot because at school they'd lifted 10 kg bags in math and that had been heavy. He swings it onto his shoulder, biting his lip.

The path leading up to the front door was well worn. Dean's boot sneaker caught on a crack and he winces as the concrete presses into the hole and scratches his skin.

He struggles to catch his balance and ends up sprawling face first on the hard ground.

"Oh kiddo, are you alright?"

"Ye would do best to avoid that part of the path, it's a nasty wee spot."

Dean pushed himself up, grumbling in pain. A short boy stood in front of him, a wry smile on his face.

"You mus'be the new kid, I'm Crowley."

Dean looked at the boy's outstretched hand, tentatively shaking it as the boy continued to speak in his odd accent.

"This your brother? My ma told me all about you."

Sammy came up behind Dean, grabbing his hand as the older boy straightened himself out.

"Well hi there Crowley, is your mother ready for us?"

The boy nods, turning and running up the front steps.

"Fergus! Where are you?"

"Mother the new boys are here!" Crowley, or Fergus... Dean wasn't sure which it was now, calls out.

"Oh, lovely." A tall, red-haired woman steps out the front door. "Welcome boys, thank you for bringing them to me Madison."

"Of course," the nice lady, Madison knelt in front of Dean. "Now you two behave, I just know you'll be fine here."

Sam simply stares at her with his ever-present solemn gaze. Dean nods, but he had quickly learnt from Lilith that when the caseworkers said it would be nice there, they were often lying.

At least Crowley seemed nicer than Alastair.


	12. The one in which Lucifer befriends Dean

The Novaks  
September 10th  
2005

**Gabe**

The boy out the window reminded him so clearly of an old friend that he felt his heart tug. Of course, he could see small differences even from his bedroom. For example, this boy appeared to be talking to his friend. 

Not that Gabe could be certain about his friend's situation anymore, not since it had been so awfully long since they had parted ways. Still, he mourned for their short friendship, he had never been able to be so comfortable with someone outside of the family like that before. 

"Gabey!"He watched as the reflection of Cas came running into the room, followed closely by a crawling Samandriel who was wearing fluffy angel pyjama's.

"Hey, Cassie." He pulls himself away from the window, turning to face his brothers properly. He was bored as heck and looked forward to his grounding being finished. 

"Mummy said to come and tell you that... that dinner was ready!" Cas grinned toothily, obviously proud to have relayed the message so well. 

"Is Luci down there?" He hadn't seen his older brother since the prank that had ended up with him being grounded. "Is he still angry at me?" His lips twitch up as he represses laughter. Good god, Lucifer had suited the glittery look.

"No, Luce's over at... over at his friends' house." Castiel wrung his hands, looking down.

"He's in the hall, isn't he?" Gabe had been expecting payback all week.

"No!" Yes.

"Okay, sure kiddo, tell mummy I'll be down soon.

Castiel nods, turning and running off. Samandriel had obviously decided that Gabe and Lucifer's room was more interesting because he had taken to exploring with that wide, innocent gaze of his. 

"Hey Alfie," Gabriel slid off the window seat, heading over to his baby brother. "Aren't you getting fast?"

Alfie grinned up at him, reaching his hands out. "Lift up?"

"Yeah, okay bud," Gabriel grabbed him, bringing him up onto his hip. "Lift up, but buddy you're getting too big for me, I'm not that tall yet!" He couldn't wait until he was older and finally taller than his siblings. Already Castiel was almost as tall as him, the kid was two years younger than him! And soon, he would outgrow Gabriel if Gabe's body doesn't start working soon.

'Imma be the tallest kid in this family, just you wait,' Gabriel affirmed, carrying his little brother out into the hall. 

"Hey Gabey, might wanna be careful going downstairs," Balthazar appeared at the top of the stairs, a faint trace of glittery pink paint on his forehead.

"Lucifer?"

"Yep," Balthazar grabs Samandriel off him, "he's determined to get back at you."

Gabriel grinned, "thanks." He had been waiting for Lucifer to finally try and get back at him. "I'll be right back!"

"You know what? I have a bad feeling about this so I'm just gonna go downstairs... don't wanna get caught in the crossfire," Balthazar walks off.

He just doesn't have a good sense of humour, Gabriel scoffs, retrieving the packet of a hundred bouncy balls from his room. Luci, here I come. He bares his teeth in a grin, creeping back down the hall to the top of the stairs. A peek down proved that Lucifer was indeed standing halfway up them with water balloons in his hands.

"I'M THE TRICKSTER," Gabriel shouts, successfully startling Lucifer before letting loose the mini balls. He watches with pride as they all bounce down and hit Lucifer, sending him tumbling backwards down the stairs. "Bitch!" 

"Gabriel, language!" Their mother calls up from the kitchen.

"Dammit, Gabe! You ass!" Lucifer glared up at his little brother. 

"Don't try messing with the trickster." Gabriel skips downstairs, booping Lucifer on the way past. 

Castiel

Castiel sat in the back of his mother's car, fiddling nervously with the strap of his backpack. Gabriel sat next to him, the total opposite of the younger Novak as he bounced excitedly in his seat. 

"I can't wait to see Dan again! And Kali, Amenadiel and Eve!" Gabriel was chanting. He at least had friends (although Cas wasn't sure he trusted Kali), it was Castiel's second year at school and he was completely friendless.

Lucifer leaned around their excited brother, waggling his eyebrows at Cas. "Excited for a new year at school?"

"No." Cas pouts, looking out the window. What was the point of school anyway?

Lucifer laughs. "That's the spirit." 

Balthazar had already been dropped off at high school, he had been terrified about being a freshman but Castiel had watched him bound over to his old middle school friends without a second thought. 

He thought about how lucky little Alfie was, he didn't have to go to school. 

"Okay guys, we're here, have a good day, be good and all that," Becky waved the three kids out of the car. 

Cas bit his lip, watching Gabriel and Lucifer hop out of the car. 

"Cassie, you have to go to school."

"Why can't I just be homeschooled?" Cas had heard about this magical idea during the summer holidays and had spent the past month trying to convince his mother that it was a good idea.

"I've already told you if I homeschool you, the others will want to and I just can't deal with Lucifer and Gabriel's antics that much," she reached back, ruffling his dark mop of hair. "Go on now sweetie, you'll be late."

Castiel sighs, jumping out of the car with his bag dragging behind him. 

"Have a good day Cassie!" Becky calls, before driving off and leaving him standing there alone, surrounded by the loud crowd of hyper kids. 

Sighing, Castiel slings his bag onto his back and walks through the entrance. He positively hated the screaming crowd of children that engulfs him. Why couldn't they be quiet? What was there to be so loud about?

"Cassie!" Gabriel jumps up next to Cas, a toothy grin on his face sporting a very new and bloody hole. "I pranked Crowley, because that's always fun, and he punched me!" 

"How is that good?" Cas tilts his head in confusion.

"Because it finally knocked my loose tooth out!" He held out the baby tooth to Cas with pride. "Now I get money, which means more sweets!" He ran off before Cas could respond.

Shaking his head, Castiel watches as his energetic brother jumps on the back of one of his friends, Amenadiel.

A couple of kids jostle him as they run past, sending him stumbling backwards and hitting into another kid.

"Hey!" The taller boy snaps, shoving Castiel back from him. "Watch where you're walking."

"Sorry! Those kids bumped me and I... and I tripped," Castiel hurries to apologize to the green-eyed boy. "I'm sorry!" He turned tail and ran before the boy could snap at him again., heading straight for his classroom. 

When he got there, there was only one other kid waiting outside the locked door. He was sitting cross-legged on the ground, nose buried in a Harry Potter book. Castiel took a seat next to him, for lack of anything better to do, and glanced at the boy. His hair was brown and messy, almost covering his eyes as he stared studiously at the page. 

He wondered if he should say something, god knows he needed a friend, but his mouth stays shut with nerves. Instead, he grabs his own book out, which also happened to be a Harry Potter novel, and enjoyed the moment of peace and silence. 

Dean

Dean sat at his desk, ignoring the teacher as he doodled in the margins of his workbook. He felt bad about snapping at the small kid earlier, it had been his fault for not paying attention. He had been focused on how sucky it was being the new kid again. Sure they'd had some stability at Lilith's but during the time they'd spent at other houses, he'd been the new kid again too many times.

"Class, we have a new student joining us this year," the teacher claps his hands together. "Dean, can you please stand up?" 

Dean stands, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie so that he doesn't wring them nervously.

"Dean moved here from Kansas, so I hope you all give him a warm welcome." 

Dean sat down as soon as the teacher was finished talking, slumping down in his seat as everyone's eyes stay fixed on him. They only look away once the teacher claps his hands again, signalling the start of class.

A blond haired boy sat to the left of him, flicking another dark haired boy impishly with his pen. The boy glanced at him, grinning widely as he stopped flicking the other boy. 

"I'm Lucifer," then he pointed to the other boy. "That's Mikey, my best friend." 

"Its Michael," 'Mikey' mumbles, eye's fixed on the teacher. "And I'm warning you now, new kid, stay away from Lucifer, he's annoying."

"Mikey! How dare you!" Lucifer clutches his heart dramatically. "I'm wounded."

"What kind of name is Lucifer?" Dean asks, scrunching his nose up as he tried to remember where he had heard that name before.

"An awesome one," Lucifer went back to flicking Michael. "Where are you from, Deano?"

"Uh, Kansas."

"Yeah Luce, didn't you hear the teacher? Idiot."

"Shush, now Dean, do you like softball?"

Dean nods enthusiastically, he hadn't had a chance to play in years.

"Great! We have tryouts this afternoon for the Grade 4 team, you should come along! Michael's boring and isn't doing it with me."

"Okay, I look forward to it," Dean smiled, suddenly everything seemed a little better. A little more settled.


	13. Sammy, the boy who lived

September 11th

**Sam**

Sam wasn't sure if he liked the idea of starting yet another new school. In fact, he was definitely sure that he didn't like the idea. It had been hard enough getting through the day at his old school, where people knew he was mute. Here, however... he glances discreetly at the other small boy next to him. The boy had his nose buried in a book too, his blue eyes glued to the page in front of him.

Not for the first time, Sam yearned to be normal. He wanted to be able to talk, to make friends, but he just couldn't. He hadn't spoken a word since that night, when he'd screamed his throat raw.

"Cassie! I got your lunch by mistake!" A familiar-looking boy ran up, lunch box in hand. "This has your yucky tuna sandwich, I want my peanut butter- " the boy stops talking immediately, his golden eyes wide as they land on Sam.

Sam's eyes widen also, was that...

"Sammy?"

Sam nods slowly. What was going on? Did Gabriel go to this school too? Sam couldn't believe the odds, he hadn't expected to ever see Gabriel again. 

Gabriel's mouth broke out into a wide grin, and Sam could see that he had obviously lost a tooth recently. 

"Cas, this is my friend I told you about, Sammy!"

Cas looked from his brother to Sam, tilting his head in curiosity. "I see, are you in a different home now?"

"Cassie! You can't ask stuff like that, b'sides Sammy doesn't talk so he won't respond."

Sam smiles softly, then pointing at Cas's book before indicating to his own copy. 

"You like Harry Potter?" Cas asked.

Sam nods, he loved the thought of running off to a magical world of Hogwarts. Maybe in that world, his Mummy and Daddy wouldn't have died. He related to Harry in more ways than he'd like.

"Hey!" Gabriel grabbed Castiel's copy, causing the younger boy to glare at his brother and push his small glasses back up his face indigently. "You're Sammy Winchester, the boy who lived!"

It was then, on that cool morning that Samuel Winchester pulled his first-ever bitch face (the first of many mind you), directing right at his golden-haired friend. It was the look that said; 'Hey, what the heckity heck did you just say?'

"Right, not cool." Gabriel was grinning though, handing Castiel his book back and shoving the paper bag of food into his bag. "But you know what is cool?"

Sam shook his head mutely.

"We can sit together at lunch again!"

This did make Sam smile, he had missed his friend greatly. He had thought they'd never see each other again.

"Great!" Gabe looked over his shoulder to where a teacher had begun to shout his name. "Crap, better go before Mr Hamilton kicks my ass!"

"You're lucky mum didn't hear you swear, the swear jar can't take any more money as it is," Castiel says mildly, sounding twice his age as he goes back to reading his book. 

"Half of that was Lucifer!" Gabriel huffs, before running off. 

"He's such a child," Castiel mutters under his breath.

If Sam could talk, he would have pointed out that they were children. Instead, he just shakes his head and returns to his own book, a wide smile now on his face.

***

Sam had never been so excited for the lunch bell to ring. Usually, it meant half an hour of loneliness or avoiding bullies. Today, however, it meant hanging out with Gabriel. 

The moment the bell rang, he shoved his stuff into his bag and ran straight for the door. Castiel was following close behind. It takes him a moment to open the door due to his sleeves being too long, but once he gets it open he heads straight for the tree the Gabriel had instructed they meet under. 

Gabriel was already there, lounging against the trunk lazily as he flicked through a comic book. 

"Sammy!" He sat up, grinning widely. 

Sam smiles, hurrying to sit by his friend. The time that had passed since their separation seemed to melt away, it felt like nothing had changed. 

Only, it had changed. Now Castiel sat with them, although further away and with his nose buried in his book. Gabriel's hair was longer too, whereas Dean had forced Sammy to chop his off a few weeks back. He hated having short hair. 

Gabriel was also dressed much nicer, in tidy jeans and a neat shirt while Sammy was stuck in Dean's old things.

Still, they got along as well as always. Gabriel would talk his ear off and Sam replied by writing carefully on a spare piece of paper. It was familiar, peaceful and happy. 

"AYYYYY," A blond-haired boy leapt out from behind the trunk, flinging acorns as the three boys. 

"Lucifer!" Gabriel stood up, glaring at the strange newcomer. "What the heck!?"

'Lucifer' just grins, throwing one last acorn at Gabe. "Oops, sorry."

Sam thought that he didn't look sorry at all. He also placed him as Gabriel's troublesome older brother. 

"Sam, my pain in the neck brother Lucifer, Luci, my best friend Sammy." Gabriel waves a hand between the two.

Lucifer grins. "The Sammy? What an honour, we've heard so much about you!" 

Gabriel goes a dark shade of red and Sam laughs. 

"Shut up Lucifer!" Gabriel huffs, crossing his arms and sitting back down by Sam.


	14. The birth of Destiel

The Winchester's  
**Sam**

That day, for the first time in a long time, Sam went home from school with a wide smile on his face. Everything was brighter in his eyes, happier. 

Dean had been curious when Sam had come up to him after school with a smile on his face and lollipop in hand. Now as they walked home, he kept glancing down at Sam, but Sam didn't care, all he could think about was his friend.

He really couldn't believe that they had actually ended up going to the same school.

"So... Sammy," Dean tapped Sam's arm to get his attention. "Did'ya have a good day at school?"

Sam nods, unable to stop his smile from growing wider. 

"I did too, I meet this other kid, Michael, and we ended up playing a school-wide game of tag, it was mega cool." Dean hummed, kicking a large stone along the footpath. "He said that tomorrow I could play with him and his friend, you can come if you want."

Sam shook his head, sticking the lollipop back into his mouth. He already had plans to play with Gabriel and Castiel tomorrow. 

"Do you have a friend or something?"

Sam nods, his attention distracted from his brother when he saw a familiar trio of boys up ahead. Without a second glance at his brother, he takes off. Running across the pavement, his scruffy sneakers slapping loudly on the concrete which drew the attention of the three boys.

"Sammy!" Gabriel grins, hugging the smaller boy when he caught up with them. "You should have called."

Sam rolled his eyes, Gabriel's tone was obviously joking but he still gives him his best bitch face. One day, he would master the art of bitch faces, but for now, it just makes Gabe laugh.

"Hello, Sam." Castiel pushes his glasses back up his nose. 

"Sammy, just the kid I wanted to see," surprisingly, this came from Lucifer. "I'm having my birthday party next month, wanna come? Your brother can too."

A birthday party? Sam had never been invited to a party before. It felt weird, but a nice weird. Finally, he had friends. He nods eagerly, grinning up at the taller boy. 

"Sammy?" Dean came up, slightly breathless. 

"Hey, you must be Deano, I'm Gabriel, Sammy's friend." Gabriel stuck a lollipop of his own in his mouth. 

"I'm Lucifer, and this is Cassie," Lucifer ruffles Castiel's fluffy black hair. 

Cas hits Lucifer's hands away, glaring at him as he straightened his hair. "It's Castiel."

Dean was looking at Castiel with wide eyes. Sam giggled as he watched his normally cool brother go bright red and stick out his hand. 

"Hi... hiya Casti- Castie... Castiel..?" 

Castiel nods as Dean finally pronounced it right, shaking his hand and tilting his head slightly. He seemed to be studying Dean, the two locked in some sort of staring contest.   
Little did they know, it was the birth of what will one day be called Destiel. 

"Do you like comics?" Dean asks. 

Sam expected Castiel to say no, the boy didn't seem into those kinds of things, so he was surprised when Castiel nods. 

"We have a treehouse at home that I like to read them in, would you like to come over to my house?"

"Yes!" Gabriel jumps in, "and Sammy can hang out with me!"

Dean hesitates, finally looking away from Castiel to look at Sam. "Would that be okay Sammy?"

Sam nods enthusiastically, Gabriel's house was better than their stupid home foster home any day.

Dean turns back to Castiel, "okay then, sounds like we're coming over."

Lucifer grins. "Yay! Visitors!"

Castiel glares at Lucifer. "Ignore him, he's like an annoying toddler sometimes."

"That's mean to Alfie."

"Alfie isn't annoying."

***Dean***

Dean hadn't been over to another kid's house in years. He found himself both excited and nervous as they reach the Novak's house. It was a nice, two-story house with white paint and pale blue trimmings. The white picket fence out the front reminded him painfully of his own home at that moment. 

"Dean?" The blue-eyed kid, Castiel, was looking at him.

Dean wasn't sure what to think of Cas, he was so fascinated by those round blue eyes and messy black hair, but the kid spoke in such a weird, formal tone. Dean had never heard another kid talk like that.

Castiel led them in through the front door, and Dean finds himself in a cozy, messy entryway. The boys kick off their boots, Sam and Dean copying them, and head through another door to the hall. Lucifer took charge, leading them all through to the kitchen where a dark-haired man was busying mixing something in a bowl. 

"Hey dad," Lucifer grabs a juice box out of the fridge, chucking one to each of the boys in turn.

"Luci- Oh, hi there boys." The man turned around, looking at Sam and Dean. 

Dean suddenly felt shy, and Sam huddled closer to him. 

"I'm guessing you're friends from school?" 

Dean nods.

"This is Sammy dad! The boy I was telling you about!" Gabriel, energetic as always, grabbed Sam's hand. 

"I'm Dean, Dean Winchester... Sir."

"Oh my... boys, you could learn a thing or two about manners from Dean," the man chuckles, "and no, I don't mean you, Cassie." 

Castiel grumbled at the nickname.

"I'm Chuck, the father of these troublemakers." Chuck ruffles Lucifer's hair. 

"Hey!" Lucifer side-steps his dad, before running out of the room. 

Castiel sighs, opening his juice box. "Dean?" 

Dean follows the boy out of the room, glancing back once to see Sam hesitantly smiling at Chuck. Maybe this would be good for him... Dean just wanted Sammy to be happy. 

They walk out through the hall, leaving the cozy house behind as they head out into the backyard. Thankfully, the weather was mild and they run across the grass in bare feet. Castiel reaches the treehouse first, grabbing onto the ladder and quickly scurrying up. 

Dean hesitates, grabbing onto the lower ropy rungs. He had never had a treehouse before, he'd begged his dad for one, and had been meant to get one built over that summer... his heart pinged painfully as he realized they never got to do that.

Sighing sadly, he climbs up the ladder, wobbling as he wriggled up onto the treehouse. It was a comfy one, with a good roof and sturdy sides. He ducks in through the small curtain of a door and finds himself in heaven. 

Fairy lights decorate the poster covered walls. Stacks of comic books, toys, and board games cover every inch of the floor. There were several cushions to sit on, and what appeared to be an old pizza box. 

"This is awesome," Dean grins.

"It's messy, Luci and Gabey were up here last night." Castiel pushed aside the pizza box, sitting down on the cushion and pushing the floorboard up to reveal a hidden cubby. "But at least they restocked the stash."

"Stash?" Dean, forgetting his nerves, shuffles forward from where he'd knelt on the floor. Sure enough, the cubby had sweets, junk food and soda hidden away within it.

"Wow."

"Do you want one?" Castiel grabbed a chocolate bar out, offering it to Dean. 

"Yes please," Dean takes it, hopping onto the cushion next to Castiel. 

Castiel grinned, Dean was sure it was the first time the boy had really grinned. "Now, let's read." He picked up a comic, and Dean did the same, finding an old spiderman issue next to him. 

The next hour seemed to go by in a blur, Dean got lost in the comics. Occasionally he and Castiel would share a joke, or make a comment but otherwise it was silent. He wondered how Sammy was doing, his brother seemed to enjoy hanging out with Gabriel, which was great, but he still felt worried about leaving Sammy by himself. 

Castiel pulled two sodas out, chucking one to Dean.   
"So... where did you live before here?"

Dean pops the can open, taking a sip of the refreshing bubbles as he thinks this over.

"Kansas, then we lived a few towns north of here..." Dean bit his lip.

"Oh... um..." Castiel looked like he wanted to say something, but he fell silent and took a sip of soda instead.

Dean crossed his legs, looking down at the can in his hands. He wondered if it was strange to be hanging out with this kid that was his brother's age. He didn't know why, there was just something about Castiel.

"Would you like to go to the park tomorrow?" Castiel asks suddenly.

"I would love to," Dean grins, feeling happier than he had in years.


	15. The hunter became the hunted

**Sioux Falls**   
**March 20th**   
**2006**

He had been tracking the bastard for years now. He had long since stopped caring for his own life, witness protection be damned. What was the point of having the skills he had if he couldn't use them to avenge her... and the children. Oh, the boys, how he wanted to go up to them and pull them into a crushing hug.

He had thought himself cried out years ago, but now tears fell down his cheeks as he watched his hurting children smiling. They had found happiness, and he knew he should be happy, hell he was happy for them.

He couldn't focus on that now though. Not if he ever wanted the chance to be reunited with his children. Still... they looked so much older, the thought of missing out on their childhood ripped a hole through his tattered heart.

A car pulls up just ahead of his boys, and he immediately dried his tears up as anger filled his veins with cold ice. That bastard would pay. It had taken a while but finally, he was here.

"I found you." John Winchester grips the steering wheel tightly, eyes narrowed on the man in the car. "And now I'm going to put a bullet through the middle of your frucking head."  
All these years of hell had finally paid off.

~~~~~

**Lawrence, Kansas**   
**4 years earlier**

John had known that when he had become a police officer that he would be in danger on the job. What he had never guessed was that those dangers would also exist in his day-to-day life.

It had been a particularly hard day on the force, a double homicide only a few streets away from their home had everyone on their toes. The killer had escaped, and they had spent the last 10 hours working on catching him but he had just been too good at covering his tracks.

"I've been telling you, John, we need to move, I don't want the kids growing up in this neighbourhood." Mary wrapped her arms around herself, peering nervously out into their dark backyard. "What if that had been us?"

John was tired, emotionally wrung out from dealing with emotion witnesses and yeah, he was guilty that they had to live in this place. But they still had to pay off a few more bills before moving was a financially smart idea.

"We'll be okay Mar, I promise." John kisses his wife's forehead. "How about I take a shower and then we watch a movie together?"

Mary nods, her eyes still on the backyard.

"He's not out there, okay? He'll be laying low for a while now."

After his shower, John looked in on the boys on his way downstairs. They looked so peaceful... well Sammy did with his half-open mouth drooling onto his Spiderman pillowcase. His hair sticking in all direction.

"Dean, buddy, why are you still awake?"

Dean, ever the terrible actor, squeezed his eyes shut harder as if that would make him look more asleep.

"Dean?"

Dean opens his eyes, looking guiltily up at his father. "Sorry daddy, I can't sleep."

John smiles, sitting on the edge of the small bed. "What's up kiddo?"

Dean shrugs, picking at his batman sheets. "I dunno."

John ruffles his hair. "Well, how about you keep trying, and tomorrow we can play catch out back."

Dean lights up, "Really?"

John felt bad, he had barely been around for Dean this past week. Work had just been so busy and now with the homicide case... but no, he would make time for his son. "Really, now get some sleep." He kisses Dean's forehead. "Night bud."

"Night da." Dean settled back down, smiling in the dim light.

John would regret a lot of things later on, but one of the things he regretted most of all was not spending enough time with his sons.

Mary wasn't in the lounge when he got down there, he supposed she had gone to get a blanket. The TV was already on, a bowl of popcorn waiting for them. Extra buttery of course. He smiles, shaking his head as he grabbed a handful.

He thought about going around, checking the windows and doors were locked - just in case - when he heard the distinct sound of the creaky back door shutting, followed by footsteps. He frowns, surely Mary hadn't gone out into the dark yard alone?  
"Mar, I already told you we're okay, you didn't have to go outside and check."

There was no reply, and he turns to glance into the dark kitchen. "Mar-"

The dark figure standing behind him was certainly not Mary. "Ho-" his shout was cut off, the figure slammed something into the side of his head.  
The pain was excruciating. John collapsed to the ground, feeling as if his head had split open. He could feel the ground under his cheek turning wet with his blood. Still, he doesn't move, doesn't let himself gasp for breath as the pain squeezes the air from his lungs. Because he could feel the attacker standing over him, ready to finish him off.

Thank god for those years he did in the Marines.

His plan was to wait until the attacker turned away, and then take him down. But the pain was just so, so bad and he wasn't sure how much longer he could cling to the receding feeling of consciousness.

No matter how stubborn he was, John couldn't keep his mind from being overtaken by the darkness.

~~~~

The house was dark still when John came to. His head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice and the blood under his cheek was only just drying. So he hadn't been out long. Groaning, he tries to move but the sound of footsteps has him frozen again.

"Oi you brats, get back here!"

John gasps, trying to make his unresponsive limbs move. His boys... they were in trouble. It took so much effort to even move an inch. The sound of a door slamming against the wall had him moving a bit faster as the parental drive to protect his children.

On his feet, the world around John was hazy and full of double vision. Nausea rose in his stomach as he stumbles towards the man that was chasing his children out onto the street. Growling, and pushing the pain to the side, John grabs his handgun. Firing blindly into the darkness, John is satisfied to hear the attacker grunting in pain, his steps faltering.

Slumping against the door frame, John watches the attacker as he clutched at his side. Then, obviously deciding the chase wasn't worth him dying, the man stumbles off his children get to escape safely. His legs gave out under him and John closes his eyes and waits for help.

Eventually, someone must have called the authorities because John woke up to find himself being loaded onto an ambulance. Then he went under again. But not before he asked after his kids.

"They haven't been found yet sir, but the feds on onto it."

The feds, jeez. This was more serious than he had thought.

The next thing he was consciously aware of was some feds talking to the doctor.

"My boys, are they okay?" John croaks, pushing himself upright.

The taller of the two feds look down on him, a sympathetic look in his eyes. "Well hey there, welcome back to the world of the living."

"My boys?"

"Safe, our guys had the police pick them up some person's front yard, thought they'd trust their dad's co-workers more than us."

"Can I see them?" John forces himself up into a sitting position, wincing at the woozy ache in his head.

The feds exchange a look. "Well sir, you see, we think that this was a targeted attack."

John frowns. "Targeted?"

"You were the lead investigator in the double homicide, no? Well, our suspect seems hell-bent on killing you, so we're going to have to put you in witness protection, for your own sake-"

"Oh hell no, I want to see my boys."

"Look, John, I get it, believe me, I'm a father too, but you're only going to put them in danger so please, just let us do our job."

John falters, all he wanted to do was protect his children. "What do they think happened?"

"The cops are still working on it, your little one, Samuel, hasn't spoken a word since the attack and all we've gotten from Dean is that they saw your wife being... well I'm sorry to be the bringer of bad news but your wife is dead.

Oh, Mary... John's heart shatters. And his poor boys had to watch... "Will the boys be okay?"

"Of course."

John recognized a scripted line when he heard one. It was at that moment that he knew that he would never stop until that asshole was found and killed.

It took him weeks to recover from his injuries, the doctors told him he was lucky he was to not have suffered brain damage. He would forever bear a scar on the side of his head and a weakened eye that would be blurrier than the right. He would also nurse the need to avenge his wife. Without her, he felt empty. The only thing that kept him going was his boys, little Sammy and Dean.

From there, he waited until the feds tried putting him into witness protection.

"I want to be a part of the manhunt." John glared at the two feds. "And don't you dare try telling me no."

They hesitate, but the taller one nods. "Fine, but this is an inside job 'kay? As far as everyone else knows, you're in Florida under witness protection." He steps forward, handing John some papers. "You're lucky we need someone with your... skills, here's your new identity, Joel."

So John become Joel, a mechanic from Florida who was traveling for work. And he would spend the next four years trying to hunt down the man who ruined his life... who murdered his wife.

John would check in on the boys all the time, watching them grow, watching them hurt. It killed him, but at least he knew they were safe with him watching over them from a distance.

He also kept a photo of Mary in his pocket. His sweet, innocent Mary who didn't deserve this. He would avenge her, her death and the boy's suffering.

The killer may have once been the hunter, but John was determined to make him the hunted.


	16. We don't get to be happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say somethin' real quick. Thank you for all the kudos and comments!! You guys are honestly just amazing readers and I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> On another note, I'm planning on speeding the years by now until they're teenagers so I can get to the next great part... ships XD

**Dean**  
**March 16th**

Dean kicked his dangling legs, the toes of his scuffed-up sneakers dragging across the tiled floor of the police station.

Sammy sat on the seat next to him, his hands clasped as he looked down at the ground. His small chubby legs are still, halfway off the ground. Dean hated the sad look that was on his brothers face, he wanted to hug his brother tight and protect him from all the bad in the world.

The police where talking to each other in hushed voices, looking over at the two grubby, tear stained boys frequently. Dean hated their pitying looks, their secrecy. He wanted to know what the hell was going to happen to him. What annoyed him even more was the tears that still leaked down his bruised cheeks. 

It wasn't until Dean heard them mention homes that he realised that they were being moved again. He swallows thickly, clenching his fists as emotions overcome him. He didn't want to leave, for the first time since the accident they were happy. He thought of Lucifer and Michael, of Sammy's friend Gabriel and of Cas. He didn't want to say goodbye to his friend, Castiel made him feel like everything could be okay, that he had a home again.

Another thought struck him. What if they tried to separate him and Sam? There was no way that he was gonna let that happen. He presses his lips together firmly, clenching his jaw as he glanced at his little brother. He would protect Sammy, he promised Sam he would always be here for him and he wasn't about to let a bunch of cops stop him from doing so.

Sammy looks up, meeting Dean's eyes briefly with a look of sorrow, but then his eyes drift to something past Dean's shoulder. Dean could have sworn he saw a flicker of hope in his brother's eyes, and spun around to see what he was looking at. 

Chuck was there, talking to the police while Gabriel, Cas and Lucifer hung around his legs, scanning the station. 

Dean heart skips a beat. Chuck must be clearing everything up now! They would be okay. He pushes his too-long sleeves up his arms, getting ready to leap off of the seat. That was, at least, until he saw the man standing in a far corner talking to an officer. 

The man looked an awful lot like.... Dean shakes his head, he was being silly. He was just jumpy.

Then Chuck was approaching them, his eyes had that horribly sympathetic look to them that adults put on when they had to tell kids something bad. Dean decided he most definitely did not like that look. 

"So kids," Chuck knelt so that he was eye level with them. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Dean had been ready for this. Or rather, he had  _thought_  that he was ready for this. The man that killed their parents had turned up, of course things were going to change. Still, a part of him had curled up like a wounded animal, trying to hide from the pain that stabbed in his heart. He didn't want to leave. They were happy. 

Then Dean looked over at Sammy. Sammy who, despite being very smart for his age - Dean was proud to hear that despite his... condition, Sammy was still the brightest in the class - was oblivious to what was going on. Instead, he was smiling slightly as Gabriel chattered away to him. 

Chuck sighs, it was a very heavy sigh. Dean thought that it sounded quite like the adult wanted to say something else but couldn't. 

So instead, Dean straightens his back. He would look after Sammy, even if no one else would. "Thank you, sir, for being so kind to us."

Chuck shook his head, but Dean had the feeling that he wasn't denying Dean's words. "You're a brave kid, Dean, a brave kid that deserves a hell of a break."

Dean wasn't sure what Chuck meant, but it sounded like it was meant to be nice. "Thank you, sir." For some reason, tears burned in the corners of his eyes. He didn't want to go.

Castiel shuffled forward, his large blue eyes filled with tears behind the black frames of his glasses. "I don't wan' De to go." 

Dean bit his lip. Now he knew how Sammy felt having to say goodbye to Gabriel. He didn't want to lose his best friend. 

He recognized the lady that was approaching, her hair was in the same bun it had been the day she had dropped them off at Lilith's. It was funny, the little details you noticed when you were in such pain, like he had been that day. He also noticed that a new ring rested on the same finger where his mummy's wedding ring had sat. 

It was time, he could feel it. 

Sliding off the seat, Dean walks over to his friend and hugs him tight. He didn't know what to say, his thoughts had stopped working. 

"I'll miss you Dean." Castiel hugs him back fiercely, his glasses pushed askew by Dean's shoulder. 

"I'll come back one day, and then we can be the best of friends again," Dean says this firmly, willing himself to believe it too. "But until then, we will still be best friends anyways."

Castiel smiles weakly as he steps back, his glasses fogged up. "Okay..."

Dean looked over at Sam, who was currently hugging Gabriel. Lucifer and Michael stood by their father. The Novaks, and Michael, all wore solemn expressions. 

"You better come back," Lucifer hugs Dean. Dean was pretty sure he saw tears in Lucifer's eyes. 

"Bye, Dean." Michael hugged him sadly. 

"Oh, and if you see Charles, please tell her I miss her too," Gabriel, surprisingly, stepped over to hug Dean goodbye. 

Then Sam and Dean were lead away by their case worker, and their friends disappeared from view. 

Naomi looked down at them, shaking her head. "I thought Lilith said she got the little one therapy for his speech."

Dean folded his arms, staring into nothing. Sammy just looks blankly at the floor, eyes clear from emotion. They were the Winchester's, a name that now seemed cursed. 

The Winchester's don't get to be happy.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
**

 

**June 20th, 2007  
Ocean Beach, San Diego**

The summer's unrelenting heat had sweat trickling down the back of Dean's neck as he lay sprawled out on his bed. The other boys he shared a room with, Shane and Ryan, had long since disappeared to enjoy the sunny day.

Dean, however, had refused their offers to go to the beach with them. He had to finish this letter to Cas.

Still, he couldn't help but look out the window with longing. He absolutely adored summer. He loved the hot sun warming your skin, the way everything just smelled so... alive, the way the waves at the beach crashed over your body, creating instant relief from the heat. A warm breeze drifts teasingly through the open window.

Sighing, Dean turns back to the task at hand. Castiel, the ever-diligent friend, had sent two letters last week. One detailed the usual, what he had been up to, asking after Sam and Dean, and just general chit chat. The other, the one Dean had shown Sammy, detailed Gabriel's latest prank. Apparently poor Cassie had gotten caught up in the crossfire and had ended up with a bucket full of water balloons popping over his head.

Dean had taken to printing out photos of the surrounding beaches and parks, sending them to his nature-loving best friend. He was also telling Cas about how he had taken Sammy to Santa Monica Avenue Beach last week, he added in that he reckoned it was the kinda place Cas would love if it weren't for all of the people.

He also enclosed a photo of himself and Sammy. He knew that Castiel would tell them both to get hair cuts. Sam's hair was now long enough that it fully covered his ears and curled down around the bottom of his jaw and neck. Dean's had started to fall into his eyes.

Reminded by the thought, Dean made a mental note to check in on Sammy after he finished with the letter. Maybe Cas could advise him on his brother's behaviour, which had Dean gnawing on his bottom lip with worry.

_I'm worried about Sammy, Cas. I mean, he was always mute 'n stuff, but..._

Dean chews the end of his pen, looking out the window again. The sun filtered through the tree leaves, casting strange shadows across the room.

_He's... quite. I know, I know, he's always quite. Bad choice of words, but it's true. He barely smiles, stares into nothing and has barely batted an eyelash every time we're shifted somewhere new, we've been here a few weeks but he hasn't even bothered to unpack his bag._

_I think the shock of seeing **Him** again really affected Sammy, it triggered this new silence._

There was a good chance that Dean was being overdramatic, but if there was anyone he could truly open up to, it was Cas.

 _Anyways, I hope you are enjoying your summer!_  
Always your Bestest best Friend (shush bestest is so a word)(no chick flick moments though)  
De x

Dean knew that if the other boys caught wind of this being how he ended the multitude of letters he wrote, then they wouldn't let him hear the end of it. But this was just the way things were, Dean and Cas were best friends and Dean didn't see any harm in sending his platonic love along the way. They  _were_  still kids after all, besides relationships were gross. Why not just stay bestest best friends?

Shoving the letter into the envelope that already had Castiel's address clearly printed on it, Dean carefully slides it into his back pocket and makes sure to grab his meager amount of money he earned from mowing the lawns last week. 

"Sammy?" His bare feet pad silently across the bare wooden floor in the hallway. The door to the room Sammy shared with three other boys was ajar, revealing Sam lying on his bed. 

"Sammy?" Dean sticks his head through the door. "Wanna come for a walk with me?" 

The post box was down by the beach, and this was the perfect chance to try and get Sammy outdoors.

Unsurprisingly, Sam shook his head. 

"Please?"

Again, Sam shook his head no. That hurt animal-like feeling Dean had felt in the police station last year stirred within him. Then again, it was there more often than not. It was what sent him into fights at school, its what had him lashing out at foster homes. The last family they had been with had described him as a cornered, injured animal trying to protect itself even though the threat was gone.

Only, the threat wasn't gone. It was in the bullies who taunted his brother at school, it was in the happy families that seemed to be rubbing their happiness in Dean's face. It was in the man that haunted his dreams. The man he kept seeing everywhere, he would see him in the postman when he walked in the shadows, he was in the man walking down the street holding his wife's hand. Dean was so frightened of seeing him, that now he saw him everywhere.

Sam still hadn't made any move to join him, and Dean had to leave him be. Regretfully, Dean quietly shut the door on his silent brother. He just wanted to help Sammy, but he didn't know how. 

The hot air hit Dean the moment he stepped out the front door, his bare feet curling as they touched the burning concrete. 

Closing his eyes, he takes a moment to enjoy the warmth of the sun on his face. For a moment, he felt at peace. 

"Dean! Are you coming down to the beach?" Cole stood out on the front path, hands shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked over. 

Dean hesitates. He didn't want to leave Sammy for that long, but then again Cole was his first proper friend since Castiel. Maybe an hour wouldn't hurt. 

"Sure, s'long as we go past the post box, I gotta send this letter."

The beach was crowded with people by the time they got there. Everyone was eager to soak up the summer sun. Kids ran past giggling while parents sat around on towels talking, surfers were making a beeline for the surfer's only beach, while other people splashed around in the water.

It was loud, bright and chaotic. Dean loved it. It didn't take him long to spot his roommates, Shane and Ryan were running through the shallow water, laughing. 

"C'mon, lets hit the water!" Cole was already sprinting ahead, sand kicking up behind him. "Last one there is a rotten egg!"

Dean rolls his eyes but follows in close pursuit. For just a little while, he wanted to stop being constantly afraid. He didn't want to be Dean Winchester, the sad little orphan, he wanted to be just Dean. A carefree, 11-year-old boy at the beach with his friends. 

He just didn't want to be Dean Winchester, loser. Dean Winchester, the paranoid child. 

His only regret was that Castiel wasn't there to enjoy the beach with him. 

 

 


	17. Wanna see if I can fly?

**December 10th, 2009**   
**Michigan**

Dean hated the holidays. He hated the cheerful families depicted on the Christmas specials, hated the cheerful music and hated how.... how lonely he felt.

Sitting under the large tree in their current home's backyard, Dean barely feels the cold air biting into his skin as he doodled bees absently on his homework. He hadn't gotten a new letter from Castiel since their latest move, and he was surprised by just how much he missed his friend's letters.

Their last few letters had been brief and few. Castiel mostly talked about how Lucifer was looking forward to being a freshman next year (Dean wasn't, he wanted to stay in the same school as Sammy), Gabriel's latest dance awards, and how Balthazar and Gabriel were grounded for getting into a prank war.

A dead leaf skitters past, momentarily distracting Dean from the workbook in his lap, and somehow his thoughts once more return to Cas. What was he doing now? Was he curled up with a comic book? Watching his crazy brothers run around creating chaos?

He chews the end of his pen, slamming his book shut. Who needed school anyway? What was the point when they would be moving again come the new school year?

The back door swings open, and Dean looks up in amazement as his brother starts down the rickety back steps.

"Sammy?" Dean had been feeling more hopeful about his brother lately. He wasn't sure what it was, but Sam just seemed... better. Dean had hope that perhaps his brother was simply getting better, but he feared it was because the boy was simply forgetting their parents altogether.

As he got closer, Dean could see that Sam had been crying.

"Sammy? Are you okay?" Dean jumps up, instantly protective over his little brother.

Sam shakes his head, burying himself into Dean's side.

"What is it?"

Sam doesn't answer, obviously, and Dean is left to wonder what the heck had set his brother off.

"Wanna... play a game?" Dean felt silly asking it, they hadn't played a game in years, and at 13 Dean knew he was above such games but... he wanted to cheer his little brother up.

He feels Sammy's head nodding against his side.

This is how, 30 minutes later, Dean ends up hanging from the edge of the garage roof dressed as superman as Sammy sat waiting from where Dean had pushed him up, his batman costume already dirty.

"Hang on Sammy," Dean puffs, wriggling from the ladder onto the roof.

Sam opened his mouth, and for one wonderful moment it looked as though he was going to speak to Dean, finally, but then he closed it and instead just watched his brother.

Once Dean is situated on the roof, they just sit there grinning.

"So batman, wanna see if I can fly?"

Sam's face grows troubled as he looks from Dean to the ground.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine."  
Those were famous last words

***

Sam notes back a grin as Dean stands on the edge of the garage. Sure, he knew that Dean wasn't able to fly, but his brother certainly was an idiot.

"It's easy, watch me!" Dean grins back at Sam, before jumping off the roof.

Eyes wide, Sam scrambles forward in time to see Dean grab hold of a branch in the tree next to them, swinging gracefully to the ground with not even a scratch.

"Ta-Da!" Dean does a dramatic bow, sweeping his cape in front of him.

Well, if Dean could do it then there was no reason why Sam couldn't.

Before Dean could say another word, Sam leaps off the side of the roof without thinking. Holding his arms out wide, he tries to grab the branch. He manages to grab it with one hand, but the other can't get a grip and all his weight jerks the other arm. Slipping from the branch, he falls awkwardly to the ground, landing roughly.

"Crap Sammy, are you alright?" Dean was by his side in seconds. "What hurts?"

Sam can only whimper, his knees were grazed and bleeding, and his ankle hurt.

"Sammy?"

Without thinking, and perhaps because he had been trying to speak to Dean for years, Samuel Winchester said his first words since that dreadful night.

"Shit hurts." His voice was weak and rough, the only times he had used it was when he was alone. It was awfully silent for the moment following his raspy words and he's scared that his brother is going to turn on him, to call him out, to tell him off. 

Instead, Dean does none of these things. Instead, he pulls Sam into a tight hug. Sam hugs him back, ignoring the fact that Dean's tears gave away his brother's emotions. He forgets about his pain, his fear, everything. He was just grateful that after everything, he still had his big brother. 

~~~~

Sam hung onto his brother's back as Dean carried him back inside. 

"Y'know, this would be a lot easier if you didn't eat like a freaking moose." Dean huffs, struggling to open the backdoor. 

Sam giggled, despite the tears running down his cheeks. After the thing of his speaking had settled, Dean had instantly taken on the role of mother/father/big brother again, checking Sammy's wounds over. 

The house, as always, was silent. Their current caregivers were always out doing various errands, leaving the kids to themselves. Dean carries Sam up to the bathroom where he sets about cleaning him up. Sam stays silent, wincing as Dean patches him up. 

"Hey, Sammy?"

Sam hums, he just... felt weird about talking again.

"I'm proud of you kiddo, I know it's been rough but, I'm proud of you."

Sam smiles weakly. "S...sorry."

Dean just shakes his head. "Its okay Sammy, it's okay."

Sam was touched by how hard dean was working to not a major deal out of his talking.

"Hey, Dean!" Adam, the small boy who arrived here a week after them, came barreling down the hall.

"What's up, lil' man?"

Adam rolls his eyes at Dean, "the roof, duh." Then he looks at Sam's knees. "Ouchie, how'd that happen?"

"We jumped off the roof."

"Cool," Adam's eyes were wide. "Oh! Right, so this came for you in the mail!" Adam hands Dean a letter, grinning proudly. "The other boys wanted to open it but u kept it safe for you!"

"Thanks, man..." Dean takes the letter, distracted as he reads the 'return to sender' stamp on the front.

Sam was curious to know what that letter was about because his brother looked so stricken and sad at that moment, it hurt to watch.

"Probably nothing," Dean finally says, shoving the letter into his back pocket. "Now go away, you lil idjit."

Adam stuck his tongue out at Dean, running off and leaving muddy footprints from his scuffed up sneakers behind.

"Mrs Milligan ain't gonna be happy about that," Dean mused.

Sam just stares at the ground, his thoughts on the letter that had made his brother upset.


	18. Things go bad

**June 20th**   
**Michigan**

Thunder crashes loudly outside, lightning flashing across the dark sky. Dean lay on his bed, half-reading his new comic half stressing out.

He wasn't sure how, but somehow he had managed to stay in the same school for the past 6 months. Finally done with middle school, he looked forward to the long summer holidays that separated him from high school.

He felt bad for Sammy, who would be going into middle school. It would be 3 years before they were even in the same school again, a thought that made him anxious.

He wondered where he would be going to as his first high school. Would it be fun? What crowd would he hang with? His mind preoccupied by these thoughts, Dean puts the comic book down with a sigh, sitting upright. 

The door swings open, and Sammy comes running into the room. Lately, Sam had slowly started to become more... well, the only word Dean had for it was animated. He was so happy to see a little spark of life returning to his brother's eyes, a small smile that would occasionally appear on his face.

"Heya Sammy."

Sam smiles briefly, jumping up onto Dean's bed. "I drew you something," he says quietly, holding a piece of paper between his hands. "At school before we finished."

"Oh?" Dean shoves his comic aside, letting Sammy clamber over next to him. 

"Yeah..." Sam chewed his lip. "We had to draw something for... Fathers Day."

Dean's heart twists painfully. He should have kept Sammy from school that day, every year they had to put up with the painful reminder of their parents when it came time to do crafts on mother's day and father's day. 

Sam shoves the drawing into Dean's hands, eyes downcast. 

The drawing was excellent, as always. Sam was becoming quite the artist and Dean was always blown away by his little brother's talent. In the drawing, he quickly picked out himself and Sammy sitting on the beach.

They appeared smaller in the picture, younger. Sam was laughing as Dean appeared to be trying to build a sandcastle. Two adults sat on either side of them. This is where Dean's eyes burn with tears. The faces weren't filled in but rather shadowed. He stared at the drawing for a bit, mourning for this perfect summer's day that they would never have. 

"I also made this." Sam handed him something else, this time it was a card with a heart drawn on the front.

Opening it, Dean smiled at the words written carefully inside.  _'De, thank you for being the best big brother in the world.  
Happy fathers day - Sam._

"Awe Sammy." Dean pulled his little brother in for a hug. "No chick-flick moments, you're gonna make me cry. 

Sam giggled against his shoulder.

"Seriously though, thank you, Sammy."

"Dean!" Adam came bursting into the room then. His eyes were wide, and his usually smiling face was drawn tight with concern - or fear.

"What?"

"You... he... someone..."

"Spit it out kiddo," Dean jumps off the bed, not liking the fear creeping into Adam's flustered voice. 

"It's mum, she's-" Tears bubbled up in the small boy's eyes.

Dean runs out past Adam, who was just crying openly now as he pointed frantically down the hall. A horrible sense of deja vu was creeping over him as he heard a thump from downstairs. Taking the stairs two at a time, he could feel his blood turning to ice and it was because he missed a step and almost fell down the rest. 

Heart in his throat, Dean slows to a walk as he creeps up to the living room where the sounds appeared to be coming from. He could scarcely breath, and it was like he was back at that night again. Now, Dean couldn't remember his parents, not clearly at least, but there were the small things that he did. His mother's gentle smile, the smell of her perfume and his fathers ruff chuckle.

He remembered being happy, he remembered being able to actually call somewhere home. But more than anything else, he remembered all too clearly the night that ended it all. It was something that would creep into his darkest nightmares, that would bring back the same spine chilling, intense fear that had infested his mind the night of the attack. He had spent every night since then having these horrible nightmares. 

And now, well now he was back at that night again. A scared little six-year-old watching his mother being killed before his very eyes. Except now it wasn't his mother, but rather Adam's. Mrs Milligan, the kind woman who took in orphaned kids that had nowhere else to go. 

He watched in horror as her body slumped to the group, the blood soaking into her clean carpet. The man stood over her, grinning as he cleaned his blade. 

No... Dean takes half a step back as his ears filled with the sound of his racing heart. How had the man found them? How hadn't the police caught him?  _Why_ was he following them? 

Another step back. Dean's thoughts are racing as he tries to get them in order. Sammy. He had to get Sammy to safety. 

The killer still hadn't noticed him, and Dean wasted no more time in standing around. This time they might not be as lucky in getting away. 

Scrambling up the stairs, Dean tries to keep his footsteps light. His mind is a fearful jumble of thoughts and panic. Adam, poor small Adam, was still standing in the doorway, his face red and tear-streaked. Sam was standing next to him, his lip was bloody from his chewing on it.  

Dean says nothing, all too aware of the danger that was in the house with them. Instead, he just raises a finger to his lips, indicating to the two younger boys to stay quiet. 

What should they do? Run? They couldn't risk going downstairs, the man was still there. He looks out the window, feeling trapped. Oh god, were they going to die like trapped animals? 

It was Sam who pointed out the answer. He pointed to his room, frowning at Dean until he was sure his brother would follow. The three boys flee, running silently into Sam's room. Footsteps thumped downstairs, they were running out of time. 

Sam runs to the window, pointing to the tree branch that rested just outside. Dean smiled, his brother was a genius. Sliding open the window, he shoved Adam out onto the branch first, and then helped Sammy. He hesitates, suddenly realising there was something in this house he couldn't leave behind. Whirling around, Dean sprints back to his room despite his brother's silent head shakes. Under his bed, he dives down and quickly finds what he was looking for, brushing aside an old shoe. Pulling the small box out, he shoves it into his bag, along with the drawing and card from Sammy. 

Footsteps start up the stairs, he was running out of time. Half frozen with panic, Dean shoves the box into his school bag, emptying his schoolwork onto the ground.

A door flings open, the loud bang of it bouncing off the wall sent Dean flying into gear. He runs, not daring to looking behind him as he sprints into Sammy's room, bouncing off the door frame and heading straight for the open window that Sam still waited by. He hurries out, ushering his brother along the branch. His heart was going a million miles per second, he could hear the man yelling now, he had been spotted. 

Throwing all caution to the wind, Dean shoves Sammy off the branch, sending a silent to his brother who landed in the bushes. They had no time to climb down now.

Glancing backwards, he could see the man's murderous expression. Conflicting feelings of anger and fear fill him in the split seconds before he breaks eye contact with the killer and lets go. The air rushes around him as he falls heavily to the ground. Time seems to slow for a moment. 

Then he hits the ground and everything speeds up again.

 


	19. On the run

**Glenpool, Oklahoma  
September 5th**

Dean leads Sammy off the bus, being sure to keep an eye on the small crowd of people as they step out into the warm sunlight. Dean was tired, like weary to the bone kinda tired. After nearly 3 months of hopping from bus to bus, town to town, Dean wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep and not wake for days. 

He couldn't, of course, he had to be constantly vigilant. Ready in case the man found them. His thoughts skitter around the memory of Mrs Milligan being killed. Of poor, orphaned Adam being left behind with the police. 

It was as if they were caught up in a horrible race now, waiting to see if the killer would catch up to them, or if the police would get him first. 

Sam had been asking whether this town would be the one they stayed in for school. Oh god Dean didn't want to think about school now, but with the start dates now looming over him he found himself having to make decisions that normally only adults would have to make. He hated having to be an adult. 

Sam was quiet, as he always was in public, looking around with a mixture of interest and fear. Dean hated that his brother saw threats everywhere, but he had had to drum into the boy that you couldn't trust anyone. Not anymore. 

Grabbing their bags - which Dean had stolen from a store back in Iowa City - the two brothers hurry towards the crappy motel they were planning on staying in. Dean had made his first forged ID back when they had been sleeping in alleyways and abandoned buildings, because apparently 13-year-old's couldn't stay in hotels with 'a proper guardian'. If only these people knew that he  _was_ their own guardian now. 

~~~~~~

"Son are you sure you're 16?" The man looks from Dean to his ID and back again.

"Yes sir, and you'll see on the reservation that my father actually authorised this, so..."

The man still looks suspiciously at Dean. "Really, perhaps we should call him, just to double-check."

Sam tenses nervously, but Dean works to keep his posture relaxed as he shoots the man a charming smile. "Well, that would be great but... dad is over in Australia on a business trip."

The man stares at Dean. Dean just keeps a 'Do you really want to argue with me on this' expression on his face as he stares back.

"Fine, room 24," The man slides a key across the counter. 

His gaze follows them out the door and it takes all of Dean's willpower to keep walking slowly and calmly. His heart was pounding in his chest. Sam looks terrified as they walk towards their room. 

As soon as they're inside, Dean lets out a sigh and slumps against the door. In here the intense heat was significantly less and he relishes the cooling relief.

"He's gonna be a problem, we'll have to move on again soon."

Sam's face falls, and he dumps his bag on the floor. "Great."

"Hey, don't be like that, you know we can't stay anywhere too long anyway."

"But what about sch-"

"Well, school might not be an option, Sammy." Dean feels bad for snapping, but right now they couldn't afford to think about having any kind of normal life. 

Sam just nods, looking crestfallen as he sits down on the questionable bedding. 

"Look..." Dean was too tired for this, he didn't even know what the heck they were gonna do next. "One day we'll be able to stop but..." When would that be? Surely they wouldn't be able to keep running forever, as it was they were starting to grow tired, each bus trip seemed to beat them down another notch. How long was it before they couldn't keep this up any longer? Were they just dead men walking? Fighting the inevitable with all their constant running?

"Why don't we go back to the Novaks?" Sam asks quietly, playing with the hem of his shirt. "They would look after us."

Dean glances at his bag, thinking of the unanswered letters he had sent to Castiel. "We don't even know if they still live there, b'sides, we can't trust anyone."

"I know but-"

"Look, Sammy, we're both hungry and tired, how about you try to get some sleep while I go and get food?"

Sam stares at him for a moment, a stubborn glint in his eyes. This wouldn't be the last time he would push for this. After a moment he givens in, looking reluctant as he lies back on the bed. 

Dean shakes his head, closing the door behind him as he heads back out into the heat of the day. Maybe the cafe would have stale food they'd give away.

~~~~~~

**Rawlins, Wyoming  
January 5th, 2011**

For the first time in a very long time, Dean was excited. Thanks to a friend he had made in a roadhouse a few towns back, he was now set up with a solid set of fake ID's for both him and Sam, as well as fake school records for the last half a year of missed school. He'd also hacked the local school's records and put them on there. Fingers crossed, Dean just hoped none of the staff questioned two more students suddenly added into the mix.

Sam had long since given up on trying to ask when they were going to school. Dean was certain that his brother had given up any hope of ever even trying to have a normal life.

Now, thanks to Ash who was an awesome junior at high school and could hack any computer system (and also make amazingly realistic looking ID's, Dean wanted to be like him), Dean could try and give Sammy somewhat of a normal life. Not for long, they would have to move on soon, but still.

Another thing it meant, was Dean could use the fake driver's license that claimed he was 17 to try and get his father's old Chevy Impala back now he had finally tracked her down to a sales-yard in Kansas. His father had loved that car and Dean knew that he would have wanted his sons to have it, not some stranger. 

He was jumpy as they walked towards school that day. It was the first day back after Christmas break, and he was already bracing himself for starting high school. Sammy looked excited, his eyes glowing as Dean walked him to his school. It was Sam's first year of middle school and the boy looked way more excited than one normally did at the prospect of starting school. Then again, he was probably just more excited about what it represented. A chance of normalcy, even if just for a while.

"Okay Sammy, remember, keep your head down, stay outta trouble and-"

"Don't trust anyone," Sam whispers, checking they were alone. "I know."

"And if anyone gives you hell, punch 'em like how I showed you."

Sam nods, his eyes somber once more as his shaggy hair flopped around his face. Dean kept meaning to cut it.

"I'll see you after school, 'kay?"

Again Sam nods, other students had started to poor into the school gates around them. If Dean didn't leave now, he'd be late, but he felt nervous leaving Sammy alone. 

Sam gave him a look, it was one that said 'I'll be fine, stop being such a helicopter parent' and Dean chuckles, ruffling his little brother's hair. 

"I'll see ya later, bitch."

Sam shoots him his best bitch face before turning and disappearing into the growing crowd of laughing students. 

It took Dean half a day to get in his first fight, and by the end of the day, he had detentions from two teachers for sassing about how there was no point in studying if he wasn't gonna be hanging around long. It had taken him only five minutes as a freshman to decide that he hated high school and saw no point to it. 

~~~~~~

He was 14 today. The painful reminder that it had been nine years since the death of his parents. They had missed so much. Sammy's first day of school, his first best friend, Sammy's first art project that got an A+, him winning a softball game, Sammy's first day at middle school, his first (terrible) day of high school... so many things they had never gotten to see. They'd missed both of the boy's childhood, they would never see Sam or Dean's teen years, graduation (assuming they ever got there), girlfriends... Dean hated his birthday. But this year it wasn't so bad. This was because he woke up to Sam trying to cook him eggs, although much to his little brother's dismay they'd ended up having lucky charms when the eggs got burnt. Then he found out what the little shit had done overnight. 

"I told you, don't leave the motel!" Dean crossed his arms, staring down at his little brother.

"But-"

"What if  _he_ had been the one driving the impala down?"

" _Dean_." Sam crossed his arms, glaring up at Dean, "the salesman was coming down to see his sister anyway, I got his number off your phone so I was sure it was him! I just..." Sam trails off tearfully. "I wanted to get you something special, because of how good of a brother you are to me."

Dean sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Sammy, this really means a lot to me I just... don't do it again, okay?"

Sam nods, looking up hesitantly. "I got you something else as well." He reached into his pocket, withdrawing a small amulet. "For your birthday."

Dean takes it gently, smiling at his little brother. "Thanks, Sammy, I love it." He hurries to put it on, touched by his brother's gifts. "I'm sorry for yelling..."

"It's okay, I get it, I'll be more careful from now on."

Dean pulls his brother into a hug. "No more midnight excursions into town picking up cars?"

Sam laughs, hugging him back. "No, no more."

"And thank you again, this is the best birthday in... in a long time, I love you bitch."

Sam was smiling brighter than he had in a while. "No problem, Jerk."

"Now, how 'bout we take Baby for a birthday spin?"

"You're not seriously gonna call a car baby."

"Yep, now shut up and get in Baby." He was excited to drive his father's car again. Finally, a good break.

 


	20. The Dr is in

**May 20th, 2011  
** Nebraska  


Sammy was asleep in the passenger sleep as Dean drove along the dark road. Night had fallen, and they were less an hour out from the roadhouse - Dean saw no point in sleeping now. Besides, it wasn't exactly like he got much sleep these days. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was death. First, it was his mother, then his father's dark and lifeless form on the ground, and finally, Mrs Milligan. 

Never before had he been so scared as he was that night in Adam's home. Staring right into the eyes that belonged to the man who had ruined his family's lives... that was something he felt would always haunt him. 

It had been even harder trying to get two terrified kids to follow him at a sprint down the road, trying to put as much distance as they could between them and the man. He hadn't even realized that his arms were bleeding from his fall into the rose bushes until the three of them had stumbled fearfully into the police station. 

By the time the police had made it to the house, the killer was gone and they were no closer to finding him. Dean had overheard them calling him a pro. 

Shaking his head in hopes of clearing the nightmarish images from his mind, Dean turns his mind back to driving. So far they had only passed one cop three hours ago, and thankfully hadn't been pulled up. Ash was good at fake ID's but Dean wasn't so sure a cop would buy that he was 17, and he definitely couldn't risk being recognized on the system. The last thing he and Sammy needed was to be put in yet another home.

Classic rock played from the turned down radio, another bittersweet reminder of their old life. He had so many memories, now nothing more than blurred images in his mind, of going for drives with his dad in this car. Despite the years that had past, he could still remember small things, like how they used to crank the radio up, always classic rock. And how he and Sammy would spend hours in the back playing with their toy soldiers when the family went on a road trip during the summer.

"De?" Sam sits up, rubbing at his eyes sleepily. "Where are we?"

"Nearly there," Dean glances over, almost laughing at how his brother's hair was sticking out at all angles. "How are you feeling kiddo?"

"Why do we have to skip school?" Sammy, ever the academic was instantly back to the long argument they had had over the subject earlier that day. "Could've just waited til the weekend."

Dean sighs, resisting the urge to bang his head against the steering wheel. "I told you, Ash is moving, this is our last chance."

Sam pouts, crossing his arms and glaring out the window. "I have math homework due tomorrow."

Yep, their parents were even missing out on Sammy's stubborn tween years. "Look, Sammy, I know it sucks but you can just hand it in the next day."

Sam doesn't say anything, his eyes staring out into the darkness. 

"I'm tryin', Sammy, I really am, but we need to learn how to get more money for ourselves and Ash is the only one who can help us."

Sam sighs, his body slumping back. "I know." His soft voice is barely audible over the road noises. "It's just... I'm tired, tired of all of this."

Dean nods, heart stinging at the sound of sadness in Sam's voice. "I know."

"I'm sorry, you're doing so much for me..."

"We'll get through this Sammy, you'll see, it will all be better one day." Dean hopes that this isn't just a lie he was telling to cheer his little brother up, but he can't fool himself. Every day was worse than the last. How much longer could they keep up this constant life of vigilance and fear?

Shaking his head, Dean reaches over and turns up the music. That was a dangerous path of thoughts to go down, he couldn't avoid to lose focus now.

Bon Jovi fills the car, and Dean grins at Sam. "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride," he starts singing, startling his little brother from his deep, thoughtful trance. "I'm wanted dead or alive."

Sam rolls his eyes, and Dean proceeds to turn the steering wheel into a drum set. 

_Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days  
The people I meet always go their separate ways_

Dean continues to sing loudly, nudging his brother. "C'mon Sammy, join me!"

Sam shakes his head, his long hair that was in desperate need of a chop flying everywhere. A grin was on his face now - a win in Dean's eyes.

"Oh, and I ride." Dean drums his hands against the steering wheel. The dark landscape blurring past as they hurtle down the highway. 

Sam grins and finally joins in. 

"Oh, and I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride. I'm wanted dead or alive!" They're screaming along to the lyrics together, grinning.

They're nearing the roadhouse as the song draws to a close, and they finish off the last few lyrics laughing.

Ash is waiting out front as they pull closer, beer in hand and looking as cool as ever with his mullet and band t-shirt.

Dean was stilling grinning as they parked up and got out. "Ash!"

"Dean, my main man, how ya doing dude?" Ash high fives Dean. "Heard you got into 'nother fight at school."

"He started it," Dean rolls his eyes. "How'd you even know about that?"

But Ash had already moved on to Sam. "Sammy, hey lil' man!" He bumps knuckles with a happy Sam. "You still looking out for your big bro kiddo?"

Sam nods.

"Ellen and Jo are packing up still, but they shouldn't bother us."

"Where are you going?" Dean grabs Sammy by the hand (in case there were any rowdy drunks in the bar that saw the little boy as an easy target) and followed Ash inside. He ignores Sam's annoyed glare.

"Sioux Falls, Ellen knows a fellow there.... if you get my drift."

Ah. Dean grinned knowingly, while Sam just frowns in confusion. 

"So, what can the Dr do for you guys tonight?" 

"Dr?"

"Dr Badass," Ash points to a sign hanging on his bedroom door. "And..." He flips the out sign to 'in' as they enter. "The doctor is in!"

Dean grins, man, this guy was so awesome. 

"So Deano, what can I do for you?" Ash sits in front of his laptop. "Do ya need me to wire through some more funds to your cards?"

"No, no I actually was wondering if you could perhaps show me how to do a credit card scam myself? I mean... You said it wasn't too hard and-"

"No problemo, Deany boy." 

Dean scrunches his nose up at the nickname. 

"I was waiting for this moment actually, you've grown up so fast," Ash pretends to wipe a tear away. "My little boy is all grown up now!"

"Shush." Dean rolls his eyes. 

"Sammy can go hang with Jo if he wants unless he's in the business of scams too?"

Dean was suddenly hit by realization that despite Ash only meaning it as a joke, he had a point. He couldn't turn his brother into a criminal too, it was bad enough that he himself had to be out hustling money from pool games in places he definitely shouldn't be hanging around at his age, but credit card scams were a lot more illegal than being a minor in a bar.

"No, uh, Sammy do you wanna wait in the car?"

Sam looked positively angry at this.

"Please?"

Sam sighs dramatically, crossing his arms and shooting Dean a bitchface before stomping out of the room. 

"Gotta love that tween attitude," Ash boots the computer up. "Now how 'bout we get started?"

**~~~~~~~**

Sam hated this. He hated the fact that Dean got to be in there learning something super awesome and he was left sitting in the car like a baby. 

Stupid Dean. Sammy knew computers better than him and he was younger! And sitting in the car was boring, he knew he should have brought his sketchbook, or maybe that English homework that was due in a couple of days. He wondered if he was going to be in trouble for not handing his math homework in on time.

What could he say though?  _"Sorry miss, my brother took us up to this place in the middle of nowhere, Nebraska to learn how to run credit card scams."_ Yeah, even if he could talk to her, that would never go down well. 

Not that it mattered, he knew Dean wanted to move on to another town. He had been saying more and more often lately that he was getting nervous, uneasy about having stayed here so long. 

Another town, another motel, another school. Oh, how Sam couldn't wait... What a sucky life. He can't help but dream of a life where his parents were still here. A life where he grew up in the same town, went to the same school and actually had a group of friends. 

He wondered what his parents would think of the life he and Dean now lived. 

His stomach growls, piercing the silence of the car. 

_Maybe Ellen will have some food she can spare._

He'd be back out here before Dean was done, so he'd never need to know that Sam had broken his 'no leaving the car' rule.

The night air was still as he climbed out of the impala, slamming the door shut behind him. It was dark, the only light coming from the windows of the roadhouse and the waning moon above. 

His footsteps crunching over the gravel, Sam shivers and glances around, an uneasy feeling settling over his shoulders.  _I hate the dark._ He tries to brush off the feeling as a silly fear and starts to walk towards the door.

Okay. He had definitely heard a 'crunch' then. Whirling around, he tries to spot movement in the darkness but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

 _It's just your imagination, idiot._ Sam huffs, pushing up the too-long sleeves of Dean's old shirt. There was nothing watching him, he was just being ridiculous.

He had only taken one step towards the safety of the roadhouse when there was the horrifyingly clear sound of footsteps crunching over the gravel.  _Crap._  Flight or fight response kicking in, Sam takes off like a moose in fear, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as he races for the doors. They weren't even that far away, no more than ten meters. 

This is why it was so painfully frustrating when he feels hands grab his shirt from behind. 

 

 


	21. Gotta get Sammy back

It was the early hours of the morning before Dean finally dragged himself away from the bright computer screen. His head hurt, his eyes burned but their pockets would be a bit less lighter for it. 

"Thanks Ash man, this has been great," Dean grabs his jacket, fighting back a yawn. 

"Yeah well you two just look after yourselves, 'kay?" Ash runs a hand through his hair. "And be kind on Sammy, you're both in a shitty situation, don't go turning on each other alright?"

"Will do, you know us, the Winchesters can get through anything," Dean grins. 

"Just make sure you keep it that way." Ash is suddenly serious, a very out of character tone for the laid back teen. "You guys need to stick together out there, and pray they catch that bastard soon, of course if you wanted to, Ellen would take you-"

"No, no," Dean shakes his head. "You didn't see what he did to... I can't bring that thing to anyone else's house..." he hated just thinking about it. Because of them, Adam was now an orphan, what if that happened to little Jo?

"Well... if you're ever around MIT in the future, be sure to come in and say hi."

"You got in? Already?"

"Early graduation dude, I'll be heading there next year."

They hug again after Dean congratulates him, and then Dean's shuffling out into the cooling night. Sammy was probably super angry at him for taking so long, but hopefully he would be asleep by now.

The parking lot was quiet and still, save for the distant sound of insects, and Dean takes a moment to just stand there and look up at the stars. Out here, away from all the light pollution, they were incredible. Sammy would have at least liked being able to look up at them - being the nerd that he was, he probably knew all the constellations too.

He knew it was only a matter of time before Sammy was put ahead a grade or two in school. After all, the only thing holding him back now was his inability to talk there.

Resuming the walk to Baby, Dean doesn't immediately notice the fact that she was empty. 

When he does, his heart freezes in fear. Where was Sam?

**~~~~~**

Sam's head felt like it was going to explode from the pain. Raising his head slowly, he blinks groggily. For a moment the world around him was blurry. As his eyes slowly cleared and adjusted, he saw that he was in some sort of dark room. It was cold, and a strong musty smell invaded his nose.

Groaning, he pulls on the rough cords that were digging into his wrists. His shoulders ached from the horrible angle they were pulled at. 

The only plus side was that he appeared to be alone, whoever had taken him wasn't hanging around at least. Taking a deep breath, Sam tries to control his frantic thoughts.  _'I'm okay, I can get out of this...'_ Oh who was he kidding, he was too young to be able to deal with this crap. Where was Dean? Did he even know he was missing? How long  _had_ he even been gone for.

Huffing in frustration, Sam tries to grab at the knot but whoever had done this was obviously somewhat of a professional because he could barely move his hands. Somewhat meaning that while yes, he couldn't move his hands, he  _could_ still move them side to side - painfully, his shoulders were screaming in protest - and with the loose screw he could feel, he might be able to fray the rope over the... screwy part. Yeah, he was smart as in book-smart, wood-shop wasn't a subject of his choice. 

Hissing under his breath as his shoulder's get agonizingly painful from the swaying movement, Sam grits his teeth and keeps sawing. Who knew how long he had left before his captor came back.

Speaking of, what the hell was going to happen to him? A horrible, creeping suspicion had worked it's way into Sam's head and the thought terrified him. What if this was his parent's killer?

Fresh tears start to trickle down his face, and there was no stopping them. He was... helpless. Helpless and weak. Slumping in the seat, Sam watches the tears fall onto the dusty floor.

He thought of Dean, his big brother would be so much more braver than him right now. He wouldn't be crying, he would be getting out of here. Dean would be strong, brave and smart. 

Sniffling, he straightens up. He had to get out of here, because that's what Dean would do. Although he doubted Dean would be sitting here with tears streaming down his face. Slowly breathing out, Sam squeezes his eyes shut to deter any more tears and gets back to work sawing the rope across the screw. He would get out of here.

This becomes a mantra that he repeats in his head as he forces his shoulders to keep moving. 

He would get out of here.

**~~~~~~~**

Dean was ready to murder someone.

Pacing back and forth in the roadhouse, he tries to collect his frantic thoughts. What could he do? What should he do? His brother was missing for crying out loud, he couldn't just sit here and do nothing. 

"Dude, we'll call the cops-"

"They'll think he's just run away, we are runaways after all," Dean was feeling his panic rising. What if the cops took him away and put him in a home? Would they ever find Sammy? And if they did would the brother's be separated forever? No, he was going to find his little brother, no matter what. 

Ash was leaning against the bar, looking a great deal calmer than Dean. "Well..."

Dean's head snaps up, "what?"

"I mean, it's really not a good idea-"

"What's not a good idea?" Ellen appears so suddenly at the doorway that both boys jump. "Ash, honey, I told you that I don't want you blowing anything else up."

In any other situation, Dean would have been very interested in finding out the backstory behind that, but right now he felt one moment away from completely losing it. 

"I would never," Ash scoffs, rolling his eyes. "But.... Dean and I need to talk to your Sioux Falls fellow."

"Bobby? Why?" She fixed Dean under her suspicious glare. "What on earth are you two up to?"

"Please El, its important." Ash loses the laid back attitude for a moment, and Dean was touched by the genuinely worried look that was on the teen's face. "Please."

Ellen stares him out for a moment, her brows furrowed. For a moment it looked as though she was going to say no and Dean felt his heart sink. If this 'Bobby' character could help him get Sammy back, he needed to meet him. 

Finally, Ellen relents, sighing as she shakes her head. "You know what? Fine, I'll call him and ask him to head up early, you're just lucky he was coming up to help with the move Ash."

Ash silently fist  pumps the air, turning to shoot Dean a grin. "See, we'll get your brother back."

Dean felt relief fill him. He had had one job, to look out for his little brother and he didn't intend to fail that now.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Bobby was quite possibly the most amazing adult Dean had ever met. In the first five minutes of arriving, he had called the both of them idjits, yelled 'Balls' after dropping something on his foot and hugged Dean while promising to get his brother back.

"So Bobby, you think you can help us?" Ash was perched on the bar, cleaning out a gun.

Dean couldn't believe it. A real life gun. He kept staring at it, wondering what it was like to shoot with it. He bet it was badass. Like in the movies and cop shows.

"Well, judging by the tire tracks I saw headin' west, they headed somewhere out that way."

"How did you know it was them?" Dean manages to look away from the gun, curious as to how the older man already knew that.

"Well..." Bobby held something out, "Does this look familiar?"

It was a shoe. Sam's scruffy, old shoe. "Where did you-"

"Y'know those tire tracks? This was lying beside where they started so...." Bobby raises his brows. "Seems pretty obvious to me."

Dean stares at the shoe. A fresh wave of anger and worry rising within him. He was gonna get this douche that took Sammy, and was going to murder him.

"Now, s'far as I can tell, all that lies that way is miles and miles of nothing, but there is an old farmhouse about a mile down, so unless this guy is planning on trekking across state lines with your brother, that's where they're gonna be."

Wow, this guy was amazing. A small niggle of hope started to burn away his fears. Maybe, just maybe, they could get Sammy back.

Now Bobby fixed him with a long stare, "boy, are you sure you don't want the cops involved?"

Dean nods. There was no way he was letting anyone stop him from being there to protect his brother. He refused to get separated from Sammy.

"Right, Ash c'mon we have to go."

Oh hell no. "I'm coming too."

Bobby glances down at him, eyebrows raised. "You sure as hell ain't. I don't need to be watching after you too, no, you stay here kid."

Dean narrows his eyes, crossing his arms and standing as tall as he could. "I'm coming."

"Cute, but no." Bobby ushers Ash out of the room, shaking his head at Dean. "We'll bring your brother back."

Then they were gone, leaving Dean fuming in the empty bar. This was stupid. He wanted to help and yet they were just going to leave him here like some... some... kid. Oh hell no.

Mind made up, Dean retreats back to the hall, where the late Bill Harvelle's gun sat proudly in a display cabinet. It wasn't his fault that he knew where the ammo was kept. The bullets... fell into his pocket and the gun. Oops.

Running out to the impala, Dean throws the gun onto the passenger seat as the engine roars to life. Not bothering with the seat belt, he presses his foot flat on the accelerator and the engine revs loudly. Then his Baby is speeding out of the parking lot, throwing up gravel behind him as he went.

Tires squealing as they met the asphalt, Dean skillfully changes gear as Baby speeds up. The landscape around him blurs by, there was no sign of Bobby ahead and he knew that it would be impossible to catch up with them if they too were speeding.

By now, he was going faster than he had ever drove before, but all fears of cops or crashing were outweighed by his worry for Sammy. This worry has him increasing the speed.

This all came crashing down seconds later when he noticed flashing blue and red lights in the rear view mirror.

"Dammit." Dean growls, torn between stopping and driving on. This was the last freaking thing he needed at the moment. "Dammit!" Dean swears louder, smacking his hands on the steering wheel. He knew it would be worse if he kept driving.

'But what if he knows you have a fake ID, you need to be there for Sammy and if he takes you away...' Dean curses the universe under his breath. This was the worst luck ever.

"God freaking dammit." Dean steels himself, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he keeps his foot on the accelerator. He was well aware that now all it took was one mistake and he could quite possibly end up dead on the road.

The cop followed, the flashing lights sending dread through Dean's heart as they raced down the long, empty open road. He was in so much trouble if he was caught. What the heck was he even doing? How had his life gotten so damn crazy?

Gritting his teeth, Dean focuses his thoughts on Sammy. The poor kid was probably so terrified, and he wanted to murder whoever had taken him. No one touched Sammy, he vowed he would get back at them for this.

Out of the blue, another car comes flying past. The tinted windows prevented Dean from seeing the driver, but whoever it was, they were on his side because next his knew, the window rolls down a crack, enough to let the driver aim a gun outside and start shooting at the police officer.

Dean slows down considerably, mostly from the shock of this... odd turn of events, what the heck?

The police officer, obviously deciding a manic, speeding gunman was of more of a threat than some teen in an old car breaking the speed limit, peels away and overtakes Dean. The gunman and the police car speed off, leaving a stunned Dean staring after them.

"What the frick?" Dean blinks. Seriously, what the heck was that?

Shaking it off, he speeds up again, keeping a careful eye out for any building that could be the old farmhouse Bobby had mentioned. Sure enough, it wasn't long until he saw one in the distance, down an old dusty side road.

It looked like the kind of place serial killers lived.

Dust swirls up around the Impala as he speeds down the dirt road, he hated to think how dusty and gross she was gonna be after this. Although as long as Sammy was okay, that was all that matters.

Dean was so intent on reaching the rundown house, he doesn't pay any thought to the speed he was going at as he took the tight gravel covered corner into the driveway. For a moment everything was okay, then the wheels lost traction as they skidded out over the loose ground. The wheel jerks in his hands as the Impala leaves the road.

His heart freezes, his stomach dropping as it caught a rock and flipped. "Shi-" His words are cut off as his head slams against the drivers door window. He was briefly aware of the feeling of being upside down as the ground appears in front of him, but time speeds up and he's being thrown across the front of the car like a rag doll. So this was why people wore seat belts...

Finally, everything was still once more. Everything hurt and Dean could barely think straight as he lay still, still processing what had happened. The car was making a strange ticking noise, accompanied by a soft hiss. Whatever that was couldn't be good.

It takes every ounce of strength he had left to sit up. Thankfully Baby had ended up back on her wheels. Everything felt fuzzy, his thoughts coming through slow and incoherent. The first thing he could really focus on was the car. He had been in a crash... was Baby alright? Broken glass surrounded him, and the engine was hissing - the front of the car looked disturbingly crumpled - and god only knew what else was wrong with her.

Then he realized that the seat under his right hand was wet.   
"Oh." Dean looks down to see that it was, in fact, his own blood. He hadn't noticed the shards of windshield glass under his hand.

Touching his head with his other hand, he finds that he was also bleed profusely there. A distant part of him knew that this should concern him but all he can do is stare at the bright red blood on his hand. Huh.

Looking around again, Dean sees the gun lying on the ground, and numbly grabs it. Right... Sammy... he was in trouble. Wincing in pain, Dean reaches out and tries opening the door. It takes a moment of weak jiggling before it finally opens and he stares at the ground for a moment.

He was going to throw up.

Once that unfortunate business was done with, he leans against the door shakily. He really needed to get out of the car. Sammy needed him.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, Dean shakily steps out of the crumpled Impala - careful to avoid the patch of ground he had unfortunately thrown up on - and takes two whole steps towards the house before the pain in his head has him almost throwing up again.

"Oh god," Dean hugs the gun close, squeezing his eyes shut as the waves of pain washes through him. Thankfully, it fades to a dull ache once more and he starts his slow, painful shuffle towards the house once more.

Bobby's car was already there, but there was no sign of anyone as Dean limped towards the front porch. The house was rundown, and in an obvious state of abandonment and despair. The faded yellow paint was peeling, in some places all the was left was rotting wood, the porch had broken floor panels, and a step was missing from the front steps.

Gripping the gun tighter, he carefully climbs up the front steps. His right leg was agonizing, each step worse than the last.

The front door was broken down, and he raises the gun as he steps through the rotting wood and into the empty living room. It looked like no one had been in here for years, save for the faint boot prints in the dust covering the ground.

Legs trembling, Dean limps painfully in the direction of the footsteps. The floor creaked, betraying his arrival but Dean doubted this would give him away to whoever was in the house, the entire place creaked and swayed.

The old, musty hallway was empty too. Where was everyone? He keeps moving, eyes peeled for any movement. The drying blood on the side of his face itched, and he kept having to brush away the trickle that kept falling into his eye.

A loud thump comes from above him. And he freezes for a moment. It could be an animal but... Dean glances at the old, half broken looking stair's at the end of the hall. Sure enough, it looked like someone had been up those recently too. Something rested on a lower step and as he got closer he realized it was a toy soldier. Sam must have had one in his pocket.

Gritting his teeth angrily, Dean started up the stairs, his leg crying out in protest as he steps over broken steps, leaning against the wall for support because the railing was missing in most places and honestly just looked like a death trap if one dared to put weight on it.

Once he finally reach the top, he instantly raises the gun as the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. The sharp metallic smell of fresh blood filled his nose, and it wasn't just his.   
Ash was sitting against the wall, half unconscious and holding a hand against a wound on his side. Blood soaked his band shirt.

"Ash?" Dean whispers, hurrying to crouch next to the fallen teen. "Ash?"

Ash groans. "Dude's got Bobby."

Dean sighs, at least he wasn't dead. Pulling Ash's hand away, he noted with relief that the wound wasn't gushing with blood, the bleeding seemed to be slowing. Pushing Ash's hand back against it, Dean sits back on his heels and holds back a whimper of pain.

"Where are they?"

Ash just points towards a room at the end of the hall. His eye's closed, a red lump on the side of his head.

"Stay awake," Dean whispers. He knew that you should never let a possibly concussed person sleep... he thinks.

Standing back up was painful, and by now he was almost certain that he had done something worse than bruising to his leg.

"Gotta get Sammy." Dean whispers, the pain in his head almost unbearable.

Every step he took hurt, but he presses on down the hall, keeping the gun aimed at the door Ash had pointed at.

Sure enough, muffled voices could be heard on the other side, along with the soft sniffling of a kid. Sammy.

 

~~~~~~

 

Slowly, Dean edges the door open with the gun. Bobby was facing him, standing on the other side of the room with his hands raised.

Dean's heart jolts to a stop as he realizes the man with his back to the door was holding a gun. Then he sees Sammy sitting tied in a chair and relief floods his chest. Sammy was okay, besides a large bruise on the side of his face and the tears running down his face.

Holding his breath, Dean edges into the room. He was grateful that the man was so busy talking that he hadn't heard his limping steps. Bobby had noticed him, glancing briefly at him before refocusing on the man, his expression unreadable.

Taking a shaky breath, Dean aims the gun at the man before speaking loudly. "Hey, assbutt." Dean had learned a thing or two from Castiel after all.

"Assbut?" The man frowns, turning to face Dean.

It wasn't their parent's killer. Dean was almost shocked to see this, as that was really the only suspect he had had in mind. Who else would want to hurt them?

The man laughed, looking Dean over. "Jesus Christ kid, you look like hell."

Dean curls his finger around the trigger. "Let my brother go."

"Kid, please, how about you stop playing games now and put the gun down before you shoot yourself in the foot."

"So you can kill me?"

"Kill you, oh kid, I don't want to kill you..."

A sick feeling rises in Dean. "But someone does." He swallows thickly. "The man who killed my parents."

"Ding ding ding! Correct for 200 points," the man grins wildly. "Now how about you put that gun down and leave the fighting to use grown ups."

Dean growls. "I hate grown ups, haven't exactly had a good track record with them."

"Oh yes, how did you enjoy having to return to Lilith?" The man laughs at Dean' expression. "Oh kid, don't look so surprised, you think it was simply bad luck that you were sent back to that horrid place?" The man laughs coldly. "My boss, you see, is rather smart. He was tempted to kill you but some asshole kept following him, protecting you two little brats for some reason."

"Who?"

"Dunno, all I know is it was making my boss angry so... I suggested that if he couldn't kill you, he could at least make your life hell."

"So you sent us back there?" Dean was silently weighing up his options. He didn't want to kill the man but at the same time he had the feeling that they wouldn't be left to go free.

"Bingo! Kid, you are on a roll."

"Why is your boss so intent on killing us? Why does some random psycho keep hunting us down? Our parents are dead, and that was years ago-"

"Random psycho? Kid, this ain't no random psycho, you just wait until you found out exactly who you're dealing with."

Dean hated that evil glint in his eye. His head aches something wicked, his Baby was all smashed up and now this assbutt was serving Sammy and him up on a silver platter to a maniac.

"Let my brother go," Dean steadies the gun, trying to keep it aimed at the man's heart. "Or I will shoot you, that's a promise."

"I don't think so kid, so why don't you put that gun down nice and slow?"

The gun was almost too big for Dean, and he was fairly certain that firing it would only add to his pain. Not that he cared.

"Let him go."

The man raised his own gun. "Boss said I couldn't kill you, but he said nothin' about hurting you."

There was a split second where Dean made up his mind, watching as the man aimed his gun - not at him - but at Sammy, finger moving onto the trigger as he aimed it at Sam's shoulder. Before another second could pass, a loud gunshot filled the room. Ears ringing, Dean stumbles back and almost drops the gun. The man was still, looking down at the red patch spreading across the front of his shirt. Dean had shot him right in the stomach, apparently his aim was still a bit off.

"You bast-" He was cut off when Dean fires again, this time hitting him in the chest. He just looks down at it, eyes blank, and starts gasping in pain. Blood instantly starts spreading from the wound and he falls to his knees.

The thump of his dying body hitting the ground would haunt Dean forever. His arms felt numb, and he drops the gun on the ground. He had just killed someone. Sure, the man was an evil prick but still... he stares numbly at the man, watching as the life slowly drained out of him. He would be dead in minutes, if not less.

"Dean." Bobby's gruff voice pulls him back into the world of the living. "We have to get out of here kid."

Dean can barely breath. Then he looks at Sammy who was staring wide-eyed at the man as Bobby untied him. Sammy had just seen him kill a man.

"Sammy." Dean takes half a step towards his brother, before collapsing as the pain and fear finally overwhelm him. He was carried away from it all on a tide of blissful unconsciousness.

~~~~~~

"He'll be fine El, he just needs rest."

"But shouldn't we take the-"

"No hospitals, these kids have been through enough without being hauled back into that cruel foster system."

"Foster? Dean said..."

"Dean lied, obviously trying to protect himself and Sam from whoever that man was working for."

There was a sigh, and Dean keeps his eyes closed as they leave the room.

Everything hurt. Dean was assaulted by a body wide pain as he came to. Even the simple act of opening his eyes felt like it took forever. Blinking groggily, he first notices that sunlight was streaming in through the window.

Though his body protested, he manages to shuffle up into a sitting position. He was in a small room, and it takes a minute for him to realize that he was in one of the roadhouse's guest rooms.

"Welcome back sleeping beauty." Bobby came into the room, a small pill bottle in his hand. "Figured you'd be needing these."

Dean licks his dry lips, eyeing the glass of water that sat on his bedside. "Please."

Bobby hands them over, patiently waiting until Dean had finished gulping them down with water before he began his rant.

"What the hell were you thinking boy? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

Dean stares down at his bandaged hand. Someone must have patched him up while he had been out to it.

"Not to mention you obviously drove like a complete idiot-" Bobby shook his head, fuming. "What were you thinking."

"I-"

"You weren't thinking, that's the problem, you rushed head first into that without thinking and almost got yourself killed in the process," Bobby sighs, and then his expression softens. "But you did save my ass, and your bother's."

Dean shuddered, the sound of the man's body hitting the ground replaying in his head.

"I... I know what you did was hard, but you... you did good kid, even if you were an idiot."

"I can't stop thinking about it." Dean finally whispers, tearing up. "I.. I killed someone Bobby, he may have been bad but he was still..."

"Human." Bobby sits down on the edge of the bed, smoothing down the blue cover. "Look Dean, I ain't gonna lie to you, there may never be a time where you won't remember this, and it doesn't feel better-" his tone seemed to suggest he was saying this from personal experience. "But you gotta man up and move on, otherwise the guilt will consume you."

Dean just nods.

"You'll be okay kid."

"Is Sammy okay?" Dean hoped his little brother wasn't too scarred by everything he had seen.

"'Course he is, that kid is resilient, I'll give him that." Bobby chuckles, "He and Ash are both in the bar."

"He's been through a lot." Dean whispers.

"You've both been through hell."

The room was silent for a moment. Dean stares down at the bandage as Bobby stares at the wall.

"Y'know," Bobby says, breaking the silence. "If you boys need a, uh, home, you can always come back down to Sioux Falls with Ellen and me." Bobby coughs awkwardly, scratching at his cap. "If you want."

Dean looks up in surprise, eyes wide. He certainly hadn't expected the older man to come out with that. For a moment, he felt elated. Maybe they could have a chance at a normal life. Then reality hit.

"Bobby, we would love to but..." Dean scrunches his nose up as traitorous tears burn his eyes. "We can't, not while he's still after us." The painful realization that the fight was not yet over for them drained what little energy he had left. When would this all be over?

Surprisingly, Bobby doesn't argue, but instead simply nods. "Well, if you boys ever need a place to stay, or if when, after all this is over, you want to take me up on my offer, you can find me here," he hands Dean a small folded piece of paper. "Don't be strangers, ya hear? If you ever need help, all you gotta do is call."

An emotional lump forms in Dean throat as he nods. "Thanks, Bobby."

Bobby ruffles his Dean's hair. "Anytime, now you take care alright? And look after that brother of yours."

He leaves, and Dean slumps back against the pillow. There was no time to rest though, not when the killer could be close. So, with much pain, Dean slides out of the bed and pulls his shoes on.

A bag sat on the dresser, full of clothing his size. He smiles slightly, Ellen. Shrugging the bag onto his shoulder, Dean limps down the hall. Sure enough Sam was sitting at the bar, his eyes somber as Ash chatted away to him.

As Dean entered the room, Sam's face lit up and he hurriedly slid off the bar stool and ran towards his big brother.

"Woah there, tiger," Dean grinned, wincing as his brother slammed into him and hugged him tightly. "I'm okay."

He looks up and meets Ash's eyes, Ash smiles and nods in respect.

"Dean!" Ellen hurries over to him, "before you go I wanted to give you this." In her hands was a gun, this one smaller than Bill's.

"Oh I cou-"

"Shush Dean, if you two insist on continuing to be stubborn and criss-cross the damn country on the run from this asshole then you better at least have protection."

Dean smiles, taking the gun and ammo. "Thank you, Ellen... for everything."

"You just make sure you stop by Sioux Falls one day, alright?"

Dean nods. "Yes ma'am."

She rolls her eyes, smiling. "Good, now take care okay?"

Managing to detach Sam, Dean hugs her goodbye before ushering his brother outside. Ash followed.

"Dude, you were awesome," Ash grins. "Are you guys gonna be alright out there? Things seem like they're getting pretty crazy for you."

"We'll be fine, we are the Winchester's after all and we won't go down without a fight."

Ash laughs, pulling Dean in for a hug. "Well, good luck then."

Watching the roadhouse disappear in the rear view mirror as the miraculously still alive Impala drives off was bittersweet, but Dean just looked forward to getting somewhere that felt safe enough to stop and take one long ass shower, and get Baby fixed up. Bobby had, thankfully, gotten her somewhat patched up with a new windscreen.

Body aching, bloody bandages and a gun in the dashboard, Dean drives towards the sunset. Despite the craziness, he was happy because he and his brother had lived to see another day, and no matter what, he knew that one day... just maybe, they would finally be free.

 

 

 


	22. Life is Harsh

**October 24th, 2011**   
**Somewhere in Ohio**

The brothers had been skipping from town to town ever since the incident in Nebraska. Dean had resolved that as long as Sammy was still in danger, they would keep moving. It wasn't an easy life, he would give almost anything to be able to just... stop. To settle down, go to school and make friends. To have a life.

That was just a dream though. Instead they kept travelling, always looking over their shoulders, never trusting anyone. Dean had managed to learn a thing of two about mechanics and cars from the man that had fixed the Impala up, and picked up work whenever they decided to stop somewhere for a couple of weeks. They were both taking their school classes online now, no point enrolling in a school when you where planning on only being in town two weeks?

Sam hadn't brought up what had happened in May, and Dean certainly wasn't going to breach that topic. Hell, he still had nightmares where one minute he was watching his mum fall to the ground, and the next it was him with the gun in his hand, and the man dead in front of him. 

He just wanted to keep running, but he had the feeling that no matter where they went, he would never escape that. He also spent long nights tossing and turning in bed, his mind haunted by the man's words.  _'Random psycho? Kid, this ain't no random psycho, you just wait until you found out exactly who you're dealing with._ '

Who was chasing them? Dean had the horrible feeling that the day would soon come where he would face the killer once more. He also had the feeling that maybe they wouldn't be so lucky to escape a third time.

**May 2nd, 2012**   
**Lawrence, Kansas**

Sam was 13 today, and Dean was just honestly relieved that he had managed to keep the two of them alive long enough to see this day. He felt bad that Sammy wasn't getting to start his last year in middle school in September like all the other awkward new teens. Hopefully he would at least get to start high school next year. 

He knew it was risky to take Sam back to Kansas, but he thought that the kid deserved to at least see their parent's graves. They both did. 

They spent hours in the graveyard that day. Dean just sat between the two weather worn headstones that held his parent's names and cried for a good hour. The pain never really left, but he had gotten good at hiding it. Now that he was actually here, sitting six feet above them... it was too much.

"I love you guys," Dean whispers, running a hand over the grass. Sam just sat there silently, tears running down his cheeks as he stared at their mother's headstone.

"I hope that you're... you're safe and... happy and..." Dean swallows, wiping away the tears that burned into his cheeks. "And I hope that we are able to make you guys p-proud because... I have no idea what... what I'm do... doing and I really... really wish you..." Dean hadn't realized just how painful it would be to actually see their graves but now that they were here, all the pain that had been building up over the last 10 years finally came free. 

Happy 13th birthday Sam, Dean just hoped that they would live to see his next.

**July 4th, 2012**   
**The Grand Canyon**

Sam was grinning up at the night sky, which was so amazingly clear from where they had parked the Impala up near the top of the Gran Canyon. The milky way stretched across the sky, a million stars twinkling like brilliant gems... Dean had to admit, it was one hell of a sight. Especially after the hellish year they had had. 

The cops in Kansas had been alerted to the fact that the two missing kids from the system had come home (Dean knew taking Sam to the graveyard had been a risk), and thus had given chase to them until Dean had finally lost them crossing the state line into Missouri. Not leaving anything to chance, they had kept moving throughout the states until finally coming here. 

Sam had been begging Dean to take them to the Grand Canyon ever since he had had to do a project on it for his classes, and Dean had finally caved. 

He was glad he had, it was so beautiful and peaceful here. Sometimes he forgot that, despite all the fear and exhaustion, being on the run did mean that they had gotten to see so much of the country. It was times like this where he finally felt able to just sit back and take a breath. Tonight, they would relax, and tomorrow Dean would take his little brother down into the Canyon on a hike - like a normal family - and they would take a day off from all the running and hiding. 

Then it was on to Nevada.

**January 1st, 2013**   
**Seattle**

It was midnight, and the start of a new year. Dean had parked up along the shoreline to watch the fireworks, and Sammy was staring wide-eyed up at the brilliant display but Dean couldn't stop thinking about the new year.

11 years. That was how long it had been since that fateful night and yet, to Dean, it felt like it could have been yesterday. He could still remember what it had felt like to be so small and vulnerable. Something he had now vowed to never be again. 

He wondered what his parents would think of how their life had turned out, although he knew that they would probably be dismayed to see that even now their children were still afraid, still in danger. God... they were missing so much. Sammy was going to be 14 this year - and he should be starting high school but Dean doubted they'd get to actually go to school - Dean was turning 16, at least now he could legally drive, and was going to start his Junior year classes... sometimes he had forgotten just how much time had passed.

He certainly wasn't the innocent six-year-old who just wanted to get into baseball and read comics. 

 _Sorry guys,_  Dean thinks, staring out across the ocean.  _I wish I could do you proud._

Its amazing just how much you can still miss someone after over a decade, although Dean doubted that he or Sammy would ever stop missing them. He just wished that he could stop being haunted by that night.

**January 24th, 2013**   
**Near Seattle**

Dean killed someone today. 

He had known that they had stayed here too long, they should have left two weeks ago but he had met a girl at the store and, longing for a few weeks of normalcy, had stayed. Unfortunately the Winchesters lives were anything but normal. They weren't allowed to be normal. 

So when he had returned to the motel after his date to find someone snooping around, gun in hand and outside their unit, Dean had immediately grabbed the gun Ellen had given him. Because of him, Sammy was almost taken again and they both had another brush with death. But apparently death was still much like an old friend to them because it was Dean who had come out on top that night. The brother's had fled before the cops could arrive. 

Now they were hurtling down the highway, their only goal was to get somewhere, anywhere, where they could become invisible once more. Dean was kicking himself. How could he have let this happen? Sam was his responsibility and yet he had gotten distracted, what if he hadn't come back in time? Would Sam be dean because of him?

This was all his fault. He hoped that the day might come where they could finally stop running. A day of peace, but how much longer could they keep this up? It seemed that with every passing day his hold on that hope chipped away a little more. 

Maybe it was time to stop running. 

**March 15th**   
**Arkansas**

Dean was ready. For months now, they had been on the run crisscrossing the country while some manic chased after them. Enough was enough, Dean wasn't going to let him ruin their lives any longer. 

Sam had turned 14 this year. He should be a Freshman in high school, making friends and being an awkward teen. He shouldn't be learning how to shoot, how to run scams and hussle pool. Dean felt weird to think that it hadn't been all that long ago that he himself had been an awkward 14-year-old pretending to be 18 in places that a 14-year-old really shouldn't be. Then, he had sworn that little Sammy would never have to do that... but now he couldn't shelter Sammy from the harshness of their world. 

The kid had to know how to take care of himself in case anything happened. Dean swallowed thickly at the thought. He takes a moment to sit back on the hood of the Impala, staring out across the motel parking lot. In front of him, an old worn shoe box bearing the letters from an old friend. 

Had they really been on the road so long? Dean hadn't taken a moment to think about, with all the running and close calls these past few months, but... Jesus he realized it had been near on 7 years since they had left the Novaks. Wow. He looks down at the letters, lost in thought. God, even then when he had thought all his childish innocence lost, he had still been so... innocent. Reading comics in tree houses and running around school with Castiel. 

He missed that. He missed being a kid, even if his life had been sucky. Because now, his life was even worse. 

He wondered if Sammy ever thought of the Novaks. Probably not, although that Gabriel kid had been his first and only real friend. 

Dean wondered what had become of them, the Novaks. He wondered if Castiel remembered him, and why his letters had stopped coming. It still hurt, thinking of how they had just stopped so suddenly. 

A single tear escapes, rolling down his cheek. Oh how he wished life wasn't so harsh. But sitting here and crying about it wouldn't fix anything, it was time to act. He was gonna get Sam a normal life no matter what. 

With a heavy heart, Dean places the lid back on the small box. Time to go. Sliding off the car he shoves the box back in the trunk and glances inside the small motel room. 

Sammy sat on the couch, eyes glued to the TV. He looked like a normal kid, in that moment, and if you didn't know about the knife hidden by his shirt, then one might simply think he was some poor kid left behind by a couple of parents wanting to enjoy a Friday night out. 

Dean wanted his brother to have a chance at a normal life, and as much as he tried lying to himself, he couldn't deny the fact that he was just so... tired. He wanted out, he wanted this hellish life of running to be over. 

By the time Sam realized that he had been gone longer than a simple trip to the shop would take, it would be too late. 

Did he feel bad for leaving his brother? Hell yeah, but Sammy would be fine, he could go to Bobby. If Dean did this, Sammy could have a normal life. He would certainly be having a better life than he has been with Dean.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, Dean slides into the drivers seat of the impala, hands resting on the steering wheel. "Well Baby, ready for one last rodeo?"

Smiling as the engine roared to life, Dean pulls away from the crappy motel, focusing on the purr of the impala's engine as the fearful thoughts try to crowd his mind.

Music fills the silence as he races down the darkening road. For a moment he let's the comfortingly familiar Kansas lyrics  wash over him.

_Carry on my wayward son_   
_For there'll be peace when you are done._

Dean hated the childish fear that caused his stomach to churn as the old warehouse came into view.

_Lay your weary head to rest_   
_Don't you cry no more._

He felt sick, his palms slick with sweat against the steering wheel. This was for Sammy.

**Sam**

Sam may be younger, but he was no idiot. He knew that his stupid brother was going to do something... well something stupid. 

He wanted to call Bobby, hell he had tried to but his voice had failed him the moment the old man picked up. Thank god for texting.

_Sam Winchester: Bobby? I need your help._

_Bobby S.: Who is this?_

Sam groans. Stupid adults and their stupid bad phone skills. 

_Sam Winchester: Sam Winchester, we met at Ellen's._

_Bobby S.: I'm yanking ya chain kid, just surprised to hear from ya_

_Sam Winchester: Dean's in trouble_

_Bobby S.: Of course he is, text me your location_

Sam does, and then sits down on the couch, his stomach churning nervously. He felt so damn useless, his brother was probably in trouble and all he could do was sit here and wait for the rescue party. 

Unless... he looks out the window at the old car sitting in the parking lot. The owners of said car had walked off down the street only half an hour ago. Chewing his lip, Sam weighed up his options, he could either a) steal the car and go after Dean or... b) sit here like an idiot while Dean could be out there getting himself killed.

Yeah, he was gonna take option a. Thank god for Dean's crash course in hot wiring and breaking into cars - just in case some random situation arose where they would need these skills. Now was that random situation. 

Scrawling a note for Bobby, Sam grabs his jacket and his knife and flies out the front door. Outside it was a warm night, and the motel was silent. A quick survey of the area told him that he was alone, and he heads straight for the car. 

The owners were idiots. The door was unlocked and he jumped into the drivers seat easily. Huh. Hot wiring it was another thing altogether. It takes several tries to get it going, he sweated through his shirt with nervous, scared that at any moment he would be found.

Finally, much to his relief, the car comes to life. He backs up and winces when the back of the car bangs into the stairs leading to the second story. Okay so maybe he wasn't the best driver. Cautiously, he pulls away and out onto the road. Thankfully, there isn't any traffic and he lets out a sigh of relief as he drives towards where ever Dean had sped off to. 

 

**Dean**

The warehouse was huge, old and abandon. A heavy silence settles over the area as he shuts the Impala off, nervously fumbling with the safety on his gun. This was it. Time to make like a lamb to the slaughter... yep that was not a smart line of thought to go down. 

On wobbly legs, Dean climbs out of the car and pats her sleek black hood in farewell. "Thanks for giving me one hell of a ride, old girl."

The walk to the warehouse entrance seemed to stretch on forever. The front door had a broken chain slung across it, the padlock lying useless on the ground. He wondered whether it had been recently unlocked. 

Shoving the large metal door open, he winces as the scraping sound reverberates throughout the cavernous space. 

Holy heck was this place creepy, Dean shivers as goosebumps appear on his bare arms. 

"Deano! How kind of you to join me!" 

Dean freezes, because standing in front of him was - at last - his parent's murderer. Only... Dean frowns, blinking furiously. This was impossible.

"Ah, I see you've noticed our surprise guest here," the mad man grin wildly, his teeth flashing in the darkness. "We were just talking about you!"

Dean feels as though the world had dropped from under him. His grip on his gun slackens, in that moment his entire life felt as though it had been flipped on its head. Because sitting in front of him, tied to a pillar, was a man that looked an awful lot like his father, only older.

"Dad?" Dean can't believe it. He had seen his father's body on that night all those long years ago. 

Only, he hadn't. Not really. He had only seen his father lying on the ground, they had never seen his body clearly, no they had been too busy fleeing. 

"Din din din! Plot twist, am I right?" The man jumps gleefully, "isn't this fun?"

Dean, still too shocked to form a proper reply, can only blink at the bloodied face of his father.

"Oi boy, didn't your mother teach you any manners? Oh wait..."

John growls, tugging at his restraints. His expression livid under the blood and bruises.

"Oh I just love family reunions," the man grinned.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Dean grips his gun tighter. He didn't know what on earth was going on but he wasn't interested in playing any games.

"Azazel, at your service," the man, Azazel, does a dramatically mocking bow.

Dean let's out a shuddering breath. 11 years later and he finally knew the name of the man that had ruined his life.

"Now, if I remember correctly it was you who killed one of my friends 2 years back, do you remember that?"

Dean tries not to, but standing here now with the weight of the gun in his hand, he can't help but remember the feeling of horror as he watched the bullets hit the man. The sound of his body hitting the ground.

Azazel laughs, "oh I know that look in your eye, you're bloodied boy, haunted."

Dean can't bring himself to look at the man that was his father - a fact he still couldn't believe - blood  pounded in his ears. The gun seemed to weigh a tonne in his shaky hands, he couldn't seem to keep his finger on the trigger.

"You're a killer now boy."

"I'm not." Dean gritted his teeth.

"Really? Because I also happen to recall finding another one of my 'friends' dead near Seattle."

Dean shakes his head. He didn't want to remember that. 

"How about you put that gun away, before you take a third life huh? Y'know, I could use someone like you..."

Dean grips the gun, trying  not to let his shaking show. 

Azazel lets out a whistle, still grinning. "And would you look at that! This is one hell of a family reunion. Heya Sammy, how are you?" 

Dean felt as though his blood had turned cold. No. Sammy was supposed to back at the motel room, safe and sound.

Glancing back, Dean feels as though his heart had stopped. Sammy, pale with fear, held his knife out with a determined glint in his eyes. 

"Now this... this is fun." Azazel claps his hands together, "Gordon, how about you get Sammy settled?"

Before Dean could do anything, another man stepped out from behind some dusty crates and grabbed Sam. Dean watches in horror as his brother is manhandled over to a nearby pillar, Sam was wriggling desperately, his eyes wide in fear.

"Let him go." Dean wasn't letting anything happen to Sammy. "Or I shoot you."

Azazel grins. "Shoot me?"

Dean aims the gun at Azazel, his hands shaking.

"You know what? You have guys kid, I'll give you that."

"Just let my brother go."

"Hmmm, that's gonna have to be a hard no."

Dean realizes that the time for hesitation was over, now his brother's life was at risk and he needed to act. He hadn't kept Sammy safe all these years for it to end here and now. No, this wasn't how Sammy's story was supposed to end.

Gordon had tied Sam up, and was now holding a knife against his vulnerable throat. Whether that was to stop Sammy from struggling or to keep Dean in line, he didn't know, but what he did know was that he couldn't let Gordon hurt his brother.

Three people. That's how many people lay dead by Dean's hand. The gunshot was still ringing in his ears as Gordon slumped to the ground, the knife clattering harmlessly on the concrete. A small line of blood stood out against Sam's pale skin.

"Oh my," Azazel whistles lowly. "Look at you go! Boy you are killing it." He steps over to his dead friend, that horrible grin still on his face. "I honestly did not see that coming."

Dean felt as though he was going to throw up. He hadn't exactly meant to  _kill_ the guy, just... hurt him, shoot him in the shoulder or something.

Azazel turns back to Dean. "How do you feel, Dean? Do you feel that rush? The power? It's so beautiful, being able to command such power with such a small weapon."

Dean closes his eyes, sweat beading along his brow. Upon opening his eyes, he realizes that Sam was using his foot to drag the knife closer. He had to keep Azazel busy.

"W...what's to stop me from killing you then? You seem awfully cocky all things considered."

Azazel clicks his tongue. "Ah, I was wondering when you would ask that..." he makes a motion with his hand and another person steps out from the shadows. This time, they have a gun trained on his father.

"You see, kill me and I won't be able to stop my friend here from killing your father, or your brother."

The young woman was grinning, her familiar, pale hair pulled back into a bun.

"Lilith?" Dean finds himself face to face with his old personal torturer.

"You really think they'd let someone as... terrible as my friend here be a foster parent? No, I had to pull a few strings there, but it was worth it because she was able to give you two special treatment."

"But..." Dean's head is a swirling mess, his thoughts drifting and incoherent. Nothing was making sense.

"And now I think poor Dean might need a lie down, what you you think Lil?"

Lilith was smiling cruelly. "Look how big you've grown Dean, but tell me, do you still love small spaces?"

No. Dean felt the panic rising within him. No. His chest tightens even as he turns the gun on her but this time he doesn't get the chance to fire before her. Her bullet doesn't hit him, anywhere vital, but he feels it ripping through his shoulder - causing him to drop his own gun in pain.

"Lil... what did I say about shooting him?"

"It was self defense, he'll live."

Dean grunts in pain, shaking his head to clear his scattered thoughts. He needed a clear head. His gun, it was on the ground. He just needed to...

The pain around the back of his head was nothing compared to his shoulder. 

The next thing he was aware of, was the horrifying realization that he was trapped in a space that left him no room to move.

Sam

Finally, he was able to touch the grip of the knife with his fingers. But he doesn't dare look down. Instead he blindly fumbles for it, terrified that at any moment he would send the bladder out of reach.

Dean, looking pale and terrified, was staring at Lilith. He looked like the devil himself had stepped from the dark corner. And, in a sense, he had. Sam was terrified that at any moment he would have to watch his brother die. He wasn't sure that was something he could survive.

Gordon's body lies at his feet, his blood staining the dusty concrete floor and Sam's sneakers. Sam felt sick every time he looked at the body. Another person Dean had been forced to kill for Sam's sake.

When Lilith's bullet hits Dean, Sam's heart jumps to his throat.  
 _Please_ _let him be alright. Please let my_ _brother_  be okay.  
He repeats these frantic words over and over as he watches Dean stumble and drop his gun.

Oh God they were going to die.

Dean, now knocked out by Lilith smashing the butt of her gun over his head, was dragged off and all Sam could do was watch as tears filled his eyes. He was scared. It felt like such a childish thing to admit, but he was so very scared.

His fingers close around the knife as Azazel turns to face him.

"Now you see what happens when we don't play by the rules?"

Sam nods, pulling his legs closer in an attempt to hide their trembling.

"Good, now I'm going to see to your brother... then we can have a nice little chat."

Hot treats trickle down Sam's cheeks. Azazel just chuckled and walks away, leaving Sam to his fears.

Calm. He had to calm down. His ragged breathing really was helping though, and with each shaky breath, a sob threatened to escape.

He nearly drops the knife twice as his turns it in his fingers. His hands were cramping and sweat made it had to get a good grip but it isnt long before he was able to feel the blade press against the rope.

Just saw. That was all he could do. He had a horrible feeling of deja vu as he reflected on how similar this was to the last time he had been tied up. Prisoner to a cruel man.

Gritting his teeth, and ignoring the familiar looking man tied up  nearby, Sam keeps at his work. Thankfully it doesn't take long before the rope begins to give and Sam works at it harder with renewed hope.

With one final saw, the knife flicks up and the ropes fall away. Hissing in pain as metal bites into his skin, Sam pulls his wrists to his chest. A deep, long cut ran up the inside of his wrist, blood already welling up. It was worth it.

Fearful that his rubbery legs might give way under his, Sam uses the pillar to push himself up.

Dean's gun was lying forgotten on the ground. Azazel had apparently deemed it well out of reach from the two tied up victims and therefore irrelevant. Sam takes wobbly steps right for it.

With no plan in mind, he stumbles back over to his fellow hostage and fumbles with the ropes. After a minute of frustrated pulling and pained moans from the man, Sam just grabs the knife and slices the ropes away.

Now... he needed to find his brother.

He heads straight for the direction Azazel had disappeared in. Sure enough voices could be heard ahead. Azazel and Lilith.

The gun felt heavy and awkward in his hand. Sam more like a boy playing dress up soldier than anything else. He certainly didn't feel like he could save his brother as he stepped around the corner.

"Okay Lil, you've had your fun torturing him and all in there but I do have plans for him." Azazel growls arms crossed.

"Look, leave him in there a while and he'll do anything you want, trust me."

Sam took another step forward, and his foot sends a scrap of metal skittering forward. Crap.

Before Lilith and Azazel had the chance to spot him, Sam was pushed back into the shadows with a surprised yelp.

The man was there, stepping forward with the knife in hand. His eyes were murderous.

"John... now you're supposed to be tied up," Azazel sighs. "Why can't people just do what I fu-"

"Years." The man's, John's, voice was gruff. "For years I have tracked you down."

Sam watches with wide eyes. Was John... but... he shakes his head. If this was their father, why hadn't he come for them? This couldn't be his dad John, because then that would mean... their dad had abandoned them to the harsh foster system. Had let them grieve for years... no one could be that cruel.

"For years I wasted my life searching for you, trying to get you effort you got my boys."

"Yes yes, the whole, 'poor me my revenge plan failed' thing," Azazel pulls a gun out, eyes glinting in the low light. "You know, if you keep spouting the same old story people are going to think you're boring."

"I won't let you hurt my children  again." John steps forward, knife held out in front of him.

"Yes... well you see John," Azazel pulls the trigger. "We don't always get what we want."

Sam, who was still reeling from the first revelation of this John, felt as though nothing made sense anymore as he watched the man that was his father fall dead to the ground. Just like that. He was there, and then with a mere pull of a trigger, he was dead. It was horrible, abrupt and devastating.

Sam couldn't look away. He had seen this man kill both of his parents in front of him. He didn't think he could survive watching Dean die as well.

It was strange, considering that he had been grieving the death of his father for 11 years, and yet now as he crouched there in the darkness, the fresh wave of grief that hit him was like a punch to the heart.

"Get Dean out of there, we need to finish up with this mess now, this family has a tendency to escape me, and I refuse to let them have the chance."

Lilith huffs, but opens the small hatch anyway. Sam stands. He wasn't thinking, all he could feel was the cold horror creeping down his spine and grief. They were going to kill Dean.

Stumbling from his hiding spot, Sam held the gun tight in his grip.

Azazel, busy manhandling Dean out of the small space, didn't notice him at first. Lilith did. She swore loudly, whipping out her own gun and aiming it at Sam.

Azazel turns around. "Fucking Winchesters, slippery than eels."

"Maybe I should shoot his brother in front of him, that'd teach him." She turns the gun so that it was pressed against Dean's temple.

Sam panicked. Before he could think of through, he pulls his own trigger. The gun kicks in his hand, the pain from the gash on his wrist is

The world seemed to freeze. The thing Sam was aware of was the pounding of his heart, the rush of blood in his ears that drowned out all other sounds. Lilith fell to the ground, the front of her white shirt had turned a dark shade of red. Then there was the sounds of sirens, and Sam found himself being dragged back by many hands. He watched numbly as Azazel was forced to his knees by armed men. Dean was calling out for him.

All Sam could see were dead bodies. Lilith, Gordon, John. He was distantly aware of the hands hauling him out of the warehouse.

The sound of people shouting, sirens wailing and dogs growling. He could see all this happening, but the memory of shooting Lilith, of being tied up, drowned it all out.

Outside, he was instantly surrounded by people. Medics asking if he were alright, placing a blanket around his shoulders, officers offering calming words, more medics dragging him over to the ambulance.

"Where's my brother?"

Sam looks up from where he had been staring off into space in a daze. Dean was shaking all the hands offering support off him, his glare even making the police officers back up with wary looks.

"Sammy!" Dean had caught sight of him, and immediately ran for him. He wraps Sam in a hug, Sam could feel his legs growing weaker, shakier.

"What were you thinking? Coming after me like that?" Dean was... crying? Sam was shocked to realize that his older brother was actually crying.

"You were both being idjits if you ask me, going after a murderer like that, you could've ended up dead!" Bobby was there.

Sam wasn't sure when exactly the older man had arrived, or maybe he had been the one to get him our of there. Sam shakes his head, everything was blurry and slow.

"It'll be okay now, he's not gonna chase us anymore," Dean promises. "We're finally free."

Sam couldn't believe it. After all this time, they were finally safe. No more running, they could stop always looking over their shoulder in fear. It felt too good to be true.

Holding on to each other, covered in blood, bruises and scars that went deep into their souls, Sam and Dean finally watched as Azazel was dragged out and thrown into the police car. Before long, the car disappeared from view and with it, the man who had ruined their lives.

Safe. Sam couldn't remember a time were he truly felt safe. There had always been something wrong, someone hurting them. Only, it wasn't over yet. What would the police do with them now? Two runaways who had been cheating the law for years?

"Dads dead." Dean's voice was hallow. It was apparent that neither boy knew how to react, after all they had been mourning for their father for 11 years. Sam was in too much shock to even think about that. It was... it was just too much.

Still, it just added to the question of, what now? What was going to happen to them?

Dean had apparently been thinking the same thing, and voiced his concerns to Bobby.

"Well, I think its about time we went home, isn't it?"

Sam can't afford to let himself believe what he was hearing. The shock must be distorting it because... it almost sounded like they wouldn't be separated after all, and that was too good to be true.

"I think you boys have been through enough, I mean, you guys have been through hell," Bobby glanced over the the forensics team that were arriving. "So my offer still stands, you boys can come live with me, if ya wish."

Home. Sam wondered what that would feel like. All he knew was that it sounded a heck of a lot better than motel hopping. They could be safe, alive and finally have a chance to get their lives back on track.

They were free.

 

 


	23. The start of a normal life

**One year later  
September 5th, 2014  
Sioux Falls**

It was dark. The moon wasn't out that night and the only source of lights came from the stars above. Dean sat on an old, rusty car in the middle of Singer's Salvage Yard. Sweat was drying on his shirt, the only sign of the fact that he had had yet another nightmare as he stared up at the billions of stars. 

It was only 2 am, Dean loved it at this time of night. The stars were out, the world was quiet and for a moment, everything that had happened last March felt like a bad nightmare. 

_"You're a killer now boy."_

Dean shook his head, burying his face in his hands as Azazel's cold voice echoed through his head.  _Killer._ Dean hated it. He hated that word with a passion. But he could remember all too well the feeling of the gun in his hand. That comforting weight. The protection. 

 _I'm not a killer._  Dean rubs at the tears prickling in his eyes.  _I did what I had to, to protect Sammy._

_"You're bloodied boy."_

Dean pushes himself off the hood of the car, kicking angrily at a pair of old tires. He just wanted to move on, to get his life back, but the voice in his head wouldn't let him. The memories still haunted him.

The last time he had seen Azazel had been two months back, for yet another court investigation. He had spent the whole time trying to ignore those cold, cruel eyes. 

It felt weird, when he thought about everything that had happened last year. It felt like his entire life had changed, like he had aged 100 years. It certainly didn't feel like they should be starting school tomorrow. Bobby had taken them both down to the local high school a few weeks back to enroll them for the new school year. Dean hadn't even thought about what that would mean until now. 

He couldn't picture them actually going to school, going to classes, doing homework - normal teenage things - after everything that they had been through. He remembered that when he had been just a bit younger than Sammy, he had been so excited about starting high school, but then everything had gone to hell and they had ended up on the road. Now they had a chance to be normal, and yet it didn't feel right.

Sammy hadn't gotten to experience being a freshman either. Bobby had had them both do online classes last year while he helped them get their life on track. He hadn't thought it right to send them off to deal with high school when they had to go see therapists, law officials, child protection services and deal with their father's funeral. Dean had been grateful, even now he wasn't ready to go back to school.

Dean couldn't imagine himself back in school. He thought that it just sounded like a prison after so long on the road. As he walks out of the salvage yard, Dean tries not to think about the stares and questions he would get as the new student. 

The road into town was quiet, not surprising given the time, and Dean just wanders down it with no real destination in mind. He just needed to walk. 

It isn't long before more houses come into view, dark silhouettes visible only due to the street lights. It was a warm night, a soft breeze stirring his shirt as he walked along with his head down. Even now, when he knew he was safe, the peace of the night seemed false. As if, at any moment, someone would jump out at him. He never trusted anything anymore. Hell his own foster parent (who, admittedly, had been a royal bitch) had tried to kill him on Azazel's orders.

A dark shape steps out from behind a fence, and Dean automatically reaches for the pen knife he kept in his pocket - just in case, he wasn't exactly going to walk around defenseless - and... he frowned when he saw the figure was a boy. In fact, as the boy stepped under the street light, he looked familiar. Almost like... Dean shook his head, staring at the raven haired boy. The boy, having spotted Dean, simply stared back. 

Was that... Castiel? Surely not. This wouldn't be the first time that Dean had seen a boy he had mistaken for Castiel after all. Still... he found himself falling into those electric blue eyes. The blue eyes that he remember oh so well. He had to say something.

"Cas?" Dean's voice comes out softer than he meant for. "I thought you died!" Okay wow. Mental face palm time. He  _did not_  just say that. Good God he was an idiot. 

"I'm sorry." That was all the boy with Castiel's voice had to say before he turned and ran away. 

What... Dean stares after him, blinking. What the hell? Was it something he said? Maybe it wasn't Castiel. He shakes his head, turning and walking back towards Bobby's. He could have sworn it had been Cas, but whether it was or wasn't, maybe he just had to accept that Castiel no longer cared, he hadn't for years. Dean was just acting like a child by clinging to old letters and refusing to let go of what had clearly only been a brief childhood friend. 

~~~~

Back at Bobby's, and still perplexed over the strange encounter with the raven-haired boy, Dean quietly slips up the stairs and cracks open the door into Sammy's room. 

Sam was asleep for once, his long limbs taking up the entire bed as he lies face down with his arms and legs spread starfish - much to Dean's horror, Sam's sudden and unexpected growth spurt over the last year took him from a shorty to just a bit taller than Dean. It wasn't human. His shaggy hair was sticking out at all angles. Dean felt bad for his little brother, who had been forced to spend the majority of the last year being poked and prodded by psychologists who were trying to get him to speak. 

Sam had grown quieter and surlier over the last year. The rare smiles and laughs growing rarer, replaced by glares and long stretches of time where he was locked up in his room. Dean knew that Sam blamed himself for their fathers death, and was haunted by the memory of killing Lilith, Dean knew what that felt like. Now, Sam looked peaceful for once, his face relaxed with sleep. He looked younger in sleep, less like a 15 year old boy angry at the world and more like an innocent 12-year-old boy. 

As much as Dean hated school, he was determined to make it work for Sammy, Sam deserved a shot at normalcy, he still had a few years left at school, whereas this was Dean's last year. Thank God. 

Shutting Sam's door, Dean returns to his own bare room. He hadn't bothered decorating it despite Bobby's insisting. He just didn't see the point. 

Flopping onto the bed, Dean willed sleep to come. After all, his alarm would go off in just a few hours and then he would have to face the challenge of returning to the real world. School.

**Sam**

Sam glared at his alarm clock as it woke him up that morning. Early dawn light filtered in through the crack in his curtains and for a moment Sam wondered if he could just go back to sleep and ignore the coming school day. 

Shutting the alarm up, he had barely closed his eyes when his door was thrown open with a loud thud. Bolting upright, Sam throws a book from his side table at the intruder. 

"What the hell Sammy!?" Dean rubbed the spot on his head where the heavy book had bounced off.

Sam glares at him, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Go away."

"Look, you can't avoid it Sammy, time to get up for school." Dean leaves the room, humming a Metallica song under his breath. 

Groaning, Sam rolls out of bed. Shuffling to the bathroom, he reflects on how there had once been a time where he would have been ecstatic to actually go to a proper school. To stay in the same place as long as they had been at Bobby's. Once they had been cleared by CPS and sent to live with Bobby last April, Sam had been relieved but suddenly all of his childish dreams of going to school and making actual friends seemed so... childish. What did these teens know of life? Sam had stared death in the eye, had felt the power of a gun in his hand as he robbed another human being of their life (although he wouldn't exactly call Lilith a human, she had just been pure evil). 

Dean was sitting at the table with a plate of waffles sitting in front of him. Bobby stood in front of the stove wearing his 'Kiss the cook' apron that Ellen had brought him.

"Morning guys," Jo skips past Sam, her blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail. 

Sam smiles briefly. Jo had become like a little sister to him over the past year, she was the only person other than Dean that didn't make him feel bad for not talking to anyone outside of Dean. He had vague memories of hanging out with when Dean took him to the roadhouse, but that felt like a lifetime ago now. 

"Waffles," Bobby shoves a plate into Sam and Jo's hands. 

Sam just stares at the plate. He wasn't hungry but the look Dean gave him had him hurrying to sit at the table. Dean narrows his eyes at Sam as a warning. So, reluctantly, Sam dug in. Dean, satisfied, went back to arguing with Bobby about music. It was such a normal scene. Sam felt out of place as he picked at his waffles. 

All too soon it was time for school. 

Dean marches Sam out to the Impala the moment he had his bag on his shoulder. Sam shoots his brother the best bitch face that he could manage as he reluctantly climbs into the passenger seat. He winced as his knees banged against the dashboard. Stupid height. He actually missed being small some days. 

"Sammy, its gonna be good, 'kay?" Dean looks over at him as the car roared to life. "This is a chance for you to finally have a normal life, please just... promise you'll try."

"What happened to 'don't trust anyone?'"

Dean's face looked pained. "Sammy-"

"Sammy is a chubby 12-year-old, its Sam."

"Sammy." Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam, daring him to argue. "Things were different then, I was trying to protect you, but now-"

"What, now we just pretend that stuff never happened? That we're normal kids from a normal family?"

Dean sighs, "just, promise me you'll try."

Sam just looks out the window, and Dean lets the matter drop with another sigh as he pulls away from the curb. Jo was getting a ride with a friend, and Sam watched as she ran out to meet a red-haired girl sitting behind the wheel of a yellow car.

Dean hummed along to the classic rock he had playing loudly the entire drive. If Sam had to listen to one more song, he was sure that he rip the tape out and stuff it down Dean's throat. See if he liked his music so much then. 

The sight of all the teens hanging around the front of the school as Dean pulled up had Sam ready to throw up. He couldn't do this. His stomach twists, and the sides of the Impala felt as though they were closing in on him.

"Well, here we are." Dean was trying to smile confidently, but Sam knew his brother. He hated this just as much as Sam did. 

"Sammy, we have to get out of the car." 

Sam chews his lip, looking out the window at the other students, many of which were greeting each other with screeches and laughter. 

"It'll be okay, I promise."

Giving his brother another bitch face, this one saying 'I hate you, this is stupid', Sam got out and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Hey! Watch it, Baby did nothing to deserve that."

Sam rolls his eyes, waiting for Dean to lock the stupid car. Time to enter hell. Dean takes the lead, heading straight for the front office as Sam hurries along behind him. He felt like a meek little mouse, sticking close to his big brother as he tried to avoid making eye contact with the curious students.

He cursed his height, which made him stand out more than he liked. 

A flash of gold caught his eye. Sam's heart does a weird jolt as he does a double take. A loud shorty was running along, a bag gripped tightly to his chest. He was being chased by a taller boy, this one had pale blonde hair and an angry expression on his face. They both looked so familiar... Sam shook his head. No, he was just imagining things now. 

~~~~~

Sam was positively fuming by the time Dean forced him to go off to his own class. Math. Who would give math as a first period subject? What cruel, horrible per-

Cut off from his internal rant, Sam found himself slamming straight into the back of another teen. Oh great mother loving fudge ice cream. 

"Hey!" The teen turned around, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Oh..."

Sam blinked. 

"Sorry, I thought you were someone for a moment then," the boy offered him a small smile. "But you shoulder really watch where you're going, some people around aren't that nice."

Sam just blinked.

"Right so..." The boy awkwardly turns and hurries off. Into the same class that Sam was heading to. 

Sam just stares after him and blinks. Maybe he wasn't imagining things, because that was most certainly Castiel Novak.

 


	24. Satan is nice

Dean throws himself carelessly into his seat as the bell rings. He wasn't particularly happy about being here but if it was the only way to get Sammy to come and have an attempt at having a normal life then he could live with it. At least until Sammy was happy enough that he would stay even if Dean left. 

"Luci! I swear I didn't do it!"

Everyone's heads swivel up to face the door, where a blonde teen was holding another, smaller boy against the door frame.  _'Lucifer?'_ But surely not, it had to be a coincident that the boy had the same nickname because... well he couldn't reason with this. Luci wasn't the most common boy's nickname. Unless he doesn't identify as a dude, that was alright too... he shakes his head, getting his thoughts back into order.

"Mr Novak, could you kindly release your brother and grace us with your presence inside? I'm sure Gabriel's class is sorely missing him too."

The taller boy, 'Luci' Novak, glared at the teacher for a moment with ice cold eyes, but releases the shorter boy and steps back. "You're dead, dipstick."

Gabriel just pokes his tongue out at him before running off. 

Dean just stares, feeling as if he might burst out laughing. Of all the schools in Sioux Falls and all the odds... Although should he really be all that surprised? They had lived in this city last Dean had seen them, this just meant that they had never moved, a realization that surprisingly stung. 

Because if they had never moved, why had Cas stopped writing? It also meant that the boy he had seen last night was definitely Cas, and he had wanted nothing to do with Dean.

 _'Maybe he hadn't recognized me.'_ Hopeful thinking.

Lucifer hadn't seen Dean, who was sitting in the back corner, and was taking a seat further up beside a darker haired boy. For a moment, Dean thought it might have been Michael - Luci's old best friend - he could remember that the two had been inseparable once upon a time. But the other boy turned to talk to Lucifer and Dean saw it was... Crowley?

Should he say hi to Lucifer? They had been friends, once, and he almost couldn't believe they had ended up in the same English class after all these years. Then again, would it be weird? If he went up and said hi? 

Thankfully the teacher came in before he could do anything about it, and with that class started. Dean was just grateful he would get to sit back here and not deal with the awkwardness of seeing Lucifer.

"We're starting it off with a group project."

Fuck. Dean decided that there was most definitely something out there that was against him. He just hoped that they got to choose.

"When I say your name, join your assigned group..."

Dean ignores the rest of what the teacher had to say. God dammit. Stupid group projects. The teacher had started rattling off groups of names, and Dean wait's to hear his, every passing moment leaving him more and more sure that God hated him. Because Lucifer also wasn't being called.

"Dean Winchester," The teacher glanced over at him, "I'm sorry, I forgot we had a new student joining us today."

Dean waves him off, studiously ignoring the curious looks - especially Lucifer's.  _Please, anyone but Lucifer._ How awkward would that be? When Cas wasn't wanting anything to do with him?

"Your partners are Belphegor Desmon and Lucifer Novak."

Dean groans. Also, what was it with the weird names around here? First Lucifer, now Bel... Belphegor? What kind of name was Belphegor anyway?

"Its Bel, just... Bel, I swear my mum tried to give me the weirdest name ever man," The strange boy with light brown hair and white framed sunglasses threw himself into the seat next to Dean. Taking his glasses off with a flourish and offers his hand to Dean. "Pleasure to meet you, Dean." He looks Dean up and down, a smirk on his lips. 

"Uh..." Dean shook his hand, unsure of this 'Bel'. "Yeah, you too."

Lucifer had shuffled over, and was frowning as he looked at Dean. "Why... if it isn't Dean Winchester."

Dean swallows. If Castiel hated him, there was a good chance Lucifer did too. 

Lucifer smiles unexpectedly. "Man, how long's it been?"  He bumps knuckles with the very shocked Dean. "It's so cool that we're in the same school again."

"What are the odds..." Dean says slowly, waiting for Lucifer to mention Cas.

He doesn't however, instead Lucifer sits in the seat in front of Dean. "We should catch up, wanna sit with me at lunch?"

Dean wondered if Cas would be there, but doesn't voice his question. Instead he simply nods dumbly and listens to the teacher explain the group project over the chatter of the students.

~~~

"So, Winchester, where the hell have you been these last few years?" Lucifer asks as Dean shoves his homework in his locker. 

"Everywhere." Dean sighs, rubbing his eyes. "Its been... a busy few years." That was putting it lightly. He glanced at Lucifer. "Have you guys, uh, been here the entire time?"

Lucifer nods, "yep, pretty boring if I'm being honest, you guys got to see so much I bet."

"The grand canyon was probably my favorite," Dean smiles at the memory, following Lucifer down the corridor. "You should see it at night, the sky is just... incredible."

"Okay man, no need to say anything else, I'm officially jealous." 

"Jealous of what?" Belphegor jumps up between them, looping an around around both of their shoulders. "Jealous of Dean's good looks?"

Dean's eyes widen, wow okay then. "Uh... thanks?"

Lucifer just scoffs. "As if, I'm amazingly good looking, bitch."

"You keep saying that, and yet I just can't see it." 

Lucifer elbows Belphegor. 

"Dean sitting with us?" Belphegor was rubbing his side and glaring at Lucifer. 

"What's up bitches?" A familiar redhead ran up to them, grinning broadly. "Wait there's three of you today..." She stared at Dean. "Do I know you?"

"This is Dean Winchester, he's new here."

The girl laughed. "Holy shit, you have got to be kidding me. Dean? Its Charlie! Charlie Bradbury?" She hugged him tightly.

Dean shakes his head, hugging Charlie back. "Charlie? What's it been? 11... 12 years?" He couldn't believe this, it was such an unlikely thing to happen.

"Dude, I think so, where have you been?"

They start walking again. "Everywhere." Dean repeats what he had told Lucifer, it was the closest truth he could tell without telling them about the past few years of his life. "I thought you were in Kansas?"

"Wait, so you two know each other?" Lucifer interrupts. 

Charlie nods, punching Dean's arm slightly. "We were in the same foster home for a while back in '03, Chuck we were so tiny then."

"Chuck?"

"My dad's name, its a... long story." Lucifer waves it off. 

Charlie sighs, shaking her head. "Damn, 'ole Miss Lilith... I was so glad to get out of there, I wonder if she's still running that place, I hope not, poor bastards that have to live with her."

Dean stays silent. In his mind, he's replying the moment Sammy killed Lilith. He knew it was a moment that still haunted Sammy, no matter what the moose said. 

"Oh! Is Sammy here?" She asked, "he must be so much bigger now!"

Dean thought of his moose like brother and sighs. "He's taller than me now."

"Gabriel will be happy to see him, he's missed his friend." Lucifer frowned. "Which reminds me, why didn't you ever start in touch?"

Dean shrugs, how could they have? "Man, life is crazy in the foster system, we moved a lot and we didn't always have access to a phone or email."

Belphegor clears his throat. "If you guys are done with this weirdass, unlikely reunion, I would like to eat before lunch is over."

Lucifer rolls his eyes, exchanging a joking look with Dean and they push through the doors leading into the cafeteria. Dean scans the place for Sam but his little brother was nowhere in sight. He saw someone else however, a lonely boy with raven black hair sitting alone at the table Lucifer was heading towards.

What would he say? Dean searched for an appropriate greeting as they got closer to the table.

Then Cas glanced up. His bright blue eyes unreadable as he stared at Dean.

"Cassie! Look at what the cat dragged in!" Lucifer slid into the seat next to Cas. "Dean's going to our school, what are the odds, huh?"

"Low." Cas was staring at Dean. "Hello, Dean."

This was not how Dean had pictured their reunion. Cas was acting  as though they were strangers. As if their friendship had never existed.

"Okay well I love awkwardness as much as the next guy but... I'm gonna get food." Belphegor walked off.

"Hey my gays," a golden haired boy joined their awkward table. "Oh my chuck," he was staring at Dean, "is that Dean Winchester?"

Ah yes. Gabriel, the loud one. "Hey man." Dean was grateful for the chance to look away from Castiel. "Its been a while."

"And you only got uglier," Gabriel pulled a lunchbox covered in candy and rainbow stickers. "Are you guys in a new home?"

Lucifer smacks him on the head.  
"Ow! What was that for!?"  
"You can't ask stuff like that, dipshit."

Dean chuckled, nice to see they hadn't changed. Although Gabriel was so... short.  
"Is Sammy here?" Gabriel turned back to Dean, hope in his eyes.  
Dean nods, absently glancing around. "Dunno where, but he's here."  
Gabriel's eyes light up, and he too starts scanning the cafeteria.

Castiel stood up, packing his things into his bag. "I need to go to the library." Then he was gone before anyone could say anything.

Lucifer watched his brother go, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Okay wow, I expected a bit more happiness than that over your return Deano, I don't know why he's got that stick up his ass."

Dean just sighs, watching Castiel leave the room. He just wanted to know what he had done wrong. 

"Don't sweat it Dean, he's probably just being Cas and taking a moment to process everything, he gets overwhelmed easily." Lucifer offered Dean an apologetic smile. It must be bad if Satan was being so nice. 

 


	25. Lucifer and his ships

Of all the things Lucifer could have ever anticipated happening, Dean Winchester ending up at the same high school as them was certainly not one of them. It had been eight years since the Winchesters had fled Sioux Falls and he had honestly never expected to see either of them again.

Especially not in first period. Now he can't help but stare at the oldest Winchester brother as their group sit together at lunch. 

His brother had just left and he was concerned about Cassie's strange behavior, hadn't he and Dean once been inseparable? Lucifer mulls this over, furrowing his brows as he watches Dean carefully keep his expression neutral, anyone could tell that the boy was hurting though. Plus, Lucifer shipped Destiel and the fact that his ship was sinking already was rather concerning. 

"Luci? Luce, bro." A hand was shaking him, drawing him out of his shipping thoughts. 

Bel was staring at him, eyebrow raised. "Welcome back."

Charlie rolls her eyes. "Anyway, as I was saying, we should throw a party to celebrate the Winchester's return."

A party? Lucifer felt a smile creep out across his face. "Sounds fun." It sounded perfect for his plan to get Dean and Cas talking. Alcohol was magical like that. 

"Will Sammy come?" Gabe asks, still scanning the room.  Lucifer sighs, his poor, love sick little brother. 

Gabe and Sam... Hmm. Lucifer smirks, a thought crossing his mind. Another ship? Plans spring to mind even as he sits there in that dreadful lunchroom. He would get his ships together. But what could he call Sam and... "Sabriel!" Lucifer, overexcited as always, jumps out of his seat. 

"What?" The entire table had turned to look at him. 

"Nothing," Lucifer hides his smile. These peasants wouldn't understand. He just needed to come up with a good plan now. 

The rest of lunch went by fairly smoothly, Dean was noticeably quieter as they leave for their next class. Lucifer was honestly shocked at Castiel. Cassie was normally so quiet and made sure everyone was happy. He would need to have a talk with his brother later on. 

As they all settled into their seats for Science, Lucifer looks out the window as his mind wanders. He was faintly aware of the conversation Dean and Bel were having about soccer but in his brain he was already hundreds of miles away - 1648 miles away to be exact. He wondered what Mikey was doing, was he in school now? Or had it not even started yet, Lucifer was sure that there was some sort time difference there. 

God how he missed Michael. It had been three years since his old best friend moved away with his parents to Sacramento, and Lucifer regretted leaving things with him how he had. Now days he would give anything for the chance to even just call Michael.

Chewing on the end of his pencil, Lucifer pushes these thoughts back into the dusty corner of his brain that they had crawled out from and tries to focus on what the teacher was saying. This was made particularly hard by the fact that said teacher was talking in such a boring tone about such a boring subject.  

~~~~

The hardest thing about parties was making sure that all of your ships were there. 

**Luciships: What do you won't be there?**

**Cassie: I believe that I have some homework, and I hate parties - oh look at that, two good reasons.**

**Luciships: Don't sass me brother, I need you there**

**Cassie: Shame.**

Lucifer throws his phone onto his bed, groaning. Why did his brother have to be such a pain? When Castiel made his stubborn mind up, it was very hard to get him to change it, maybe Lucifer should call in the big guns. 

_You forced me to do this, Cassie boy._

**Luciships: Cas won't go to party**

**GoddessofGeeks: ...**

**GoddessofGeeks: Too bad, he ain't getting a choice in this. Be there in 10**

Ah Charlie. His shipper in crime. If anyone could get Cas to go to this party, it was her. Satisfied, he pulls on a clean(ish) shirt and skips downstairs to where Gabriel was currently inhaling candy.

"What's got you so cheerful?" Gabriel eyed him suspiciously. 

"Why are you a candy addict?" Lucifer flicks his brother's forehead as he walks past. "You coming to the party?"

"Is there gonna be alcohol?" Gabriel rubbed his forehead. "Cause if so, then hells yeah."

Lucifer hides his smile. As long as Dean managed to get Sam to come along, all would be well. He just needed to know how hard it was going to be to get his ships together. Because he couldn't see anything wrong with messing with his brother's and friend's lives. What would Mikey think of this? He'd probably just be happy to see Sam and Dean again. It was times like this were Lucifer wished he at least had Michael's address, he knew Michael would love to hear that the Winchester's were okay. 

"Alcohol?" Balthazar appeared out of nowhere. "Wait, you guys shouldn't be drinking."

"Yeah, that whole protective older brother thing doesn't really work here," Lucifer glances down at his phone. "But if you must know, we're going to a party."

Balthazar hums, staring at Castiel who was walking down the stairs in an old Sherlock sweater and baggy yoga pants. "Really." He raised an eyebrow. "And Castiel is going to this...  _party_?" 

Lucifer rolls his eyes at his brother's unconvinced tone. "Yes, Castiel is going, aren't you Cassie?"

"No,  _Castiel_  is not." Cas doesn't look up from his phone as he maneuvers onto the couch with ease. "Now please shut up about it."

"He's going." Lucifer whispers.

"Do our parents know about this?"

"Do you want to come?" Lucifer knew that Balthazar spent his weekends out at various college parties, so the 22 year old really shouldn't be all that bothered by their drinking. Heck, Lucifer knew for a fact that when Balth had been Cassie's age, he would sneak out to all sorts of parties. 

"It's to celebrate the Winchester's return," Gabriel adds.

Balthazar's eyes widen. "The Winchester's are back? Luce... why didn't you lead with that?" 

"Oh, yeah, they're back, and this party is kinda celebrating that so it would be rude of you not to come." Lucifer looks pointedly at Cas as he says this. "That goes for all of you."

Cas looks back, his eyes cool and neterual. Lucifer knew his brother, however, and no matter how hard Cas tried to hide it, there was a storm brewing behind those deep blue eyes. The only question was, why the hell was he so against Dean suddenly?

"What's up bitches?" Charlie bursts in then, acting as though she owned the place. "Is everyone ready to party?"

"Cas is refusing to go." Lucifer feels as though he is essentially throwing his brother to the sharks in that moment. Ah well, maybe Cas needed a crazy fangirl to snap him out of it. 

Charlies turns her powerfully persuasive glare onto Castiel. "Oh, he's going."

"I'm really not." Castiel mutters, but everyone in the room could see that Charlie's glare was getting to him.

"You really are."

"Not."

"Are."

"No- You're just going to keep doing this, aren't you?"

Charlie smirks. "You know it."

Lucifer could see his brother caving in, "well then, now that sorted, I believe we have a party to get to?"

 


	26. This is a story about Castiel

Castiel Novak never asked for much in life. He was once the youngest of many, then Alfie was born and he got to experience the joys of being an older brother. Castiel never lacked in love, his brothers loved him, his parents loved him. He was lonely in school, sure, but he grew used to it. He had once hated school. That was before the Winchesters entered his life. Then he knew what it was like to have real friends outside of his family, until that fateful day that the Winchester's left. 

Being friends with Dean, Castiel found himself experience the one thing he had been lacking in his almost perfect life. Friendship. Those days, he remembered, seemed so much more brighter. It was as if everything was perfect at last. Castiel Novak felt... complete. They had been kids, they didn't know things such as love. That didn't matter, however, because Castiel had been certain that Dean was what his parents meant when they said he would one day meet someone he would want to spend the rest of his days with. 

When Dean left. Well, Castiel had never felt such sadness as the day following Dean's departure. He missed his friend greatly, but at least they still had their letters. Dean always wrote to him, and he wrote back. 

Then, he didn't. 

Castiel remembered the day Dean's last letter arrived. He hadn't been replying for weeks, not since Dean had wrote to tell him of his latest move. Castiel, only 10 at the time, had no good reason for not replying. Not that he could tell anyone anyway. You see, Castiel harbored a giant secret that he had recently began to uncover. He had recently come to realize that he like Dean more than one might like their best friend. This quickly lead to him realizing that he was... gay. Knowing how the kids at school would treat him, he kept this secret locked up securely deep inside him, and vowed to never tell a soul. 

He also was so tired of always missing Dean, with each letter the space between them seemed to grow larger, he felt like he would never see Dean again and that hurt. So, scared of his own feelings and tired of missing Dean, Castiel made the hard choice to stop responding to Dean. To move on from his childhood friend. Then Dean's final letter had come. It had been short, written on the back of some motel notepad paper:

_I know you haven't written in a while. Hell, you probably don't care about me and Sammy anymore, and that's... whatever. But I just, my life has turned to hell Cas, and I have no one else to turn to. So, because I know you will read this and never respond, I just wanted to thank you for being my friend. For showing me a bit of normalcy before we were plunged into chaos. I don't have a new address to give you, we're on the road now. Maybe we'll meet again one day._

_\- Your bestest friend  
Dean._

It had been so... Dean. Castiel had barricaded himself in the attic room he had claimed for himself. Reading it over and over again. He wanted to ask Dean so many things, why would they have no address? What had happened? Were they okay? He felt a strong sense of regret in that moment, the feeling so overwhelming that he had to sit back and focus on each breath. Why had he let his fears stop him from keeping the best friendship he had ever had?

That was the past, however. There was nothing you could do to change the past, and Castiel quickly grew to realize that his days of a carefree child were over. His classmates grew crueler as the years passed by, and the classwork was harder. By 14, he arrived at high school as a freshman with dread in his heart. He couldn't help but wonder what Sam and Dean were doing, Sam would also be a freshman that year.

By the end of the year, he barely thought of the Winchester's anymore. He thought that they were just a part of his past, some people he knew once, years ago. 

At the start of his Sophomore year, he saw a familiar face staring back at him that dark night when he left the house to walk and clear his head,  Cas couldn't move. Surely not. 

"Cas?" That rough, world hardened voice held the faintest echos of the kid it had once belonged to. Castiel would recognize it anywhere, no matter how many years passed. 

Never had he thought that this would happen. He had never truly believed that he would see Dean Winchester again. His mind turned blank. What could he say? He struggled to form a coherent sentence in his now turbulent mind. He felt bad, in that moment, for not writing back. Even in the darkness, he could see in Dean's hooded eyes and tense posture that he had been through things that Castiel could never understand. 

So, what else could he say but; "I'm sorry." Then, like the wimp that he was, Castiel turned and ran back into his house. 

Now he felt like a colossal idiot. Sitting on his bed, with his knees drawn up to his chest, Castiel tried to calm his racing mind but it was useless. What was Dean doing back in Sioux Falls? He had been gone for how many years now? Castiel wondered, once more, what exactly Dean had seen during those years that had robbed his beautiful green eyes of their brilliant spark. He wanted nothing more than to see that light in the other teen's eyes once more. Was it his fault? Had he hurt Dean with the abrupt end to their correspondence? 

A door slammed shut downstairs, indicating that Lucifer had returned home from soccer training, and Gabriel from dance practice. Castiel, not feeling up to socializing even with his family, turns to the laptop resting on his nightstand. In two clicks, he has his current work in progress loaded. This was when he felt most like himself, and less like the outcast in his family. When he was writing. So, after the shock of seeing Dean at school today, Castiel let himself breath as he wrote up a storm. His fingers brushing across the keyboard like strokes of an artists brush, each letter bringing a new world to life on his screen. 

This was what he loved about writing, the way he got to bring so many amazingly different and unique worlds alive with his words, each one full of its own amazing characters and conflicts. His current book was something he had been working on since the beginning of summer. It was about an orphan boy, all alone in the world with a destiny that he could not yet comprehend, and then he meets the only one who could understand him. Another boy (Castiel decided there weren't enough gay books out there), an asexual boy who was supposed to help save the world, but already felt so broken and like such an outcast that he rejected this destiny. 

He was just up to the part where the first boy discovered how his parents had died, because of him. Castiel loved writing the angst following this scene, where the boy felt so broken and more alone than ever, and the other boy, Kane, was the only one there for him. It was so, beautifully gay and sad. 

Of course, then his... dearest brother texted him and informed him that he would be going to a party. As if. Then Lucifer threatened to take away everything he loved if he didn't come downstairs. Then Charlie ambushes him. 

This is how, half an hour later and after much persuasion from Charlie, Castiel finds himself at some party. He knew the Winchesters were here somewhere, Lucifer kept trying to get Castiel and Dean to talk but Castiel always managed to slip away. He knew he was acting childish but he just... didn't feel ready to talk to Dean. 

So, he sipped his safely non-alcoholic lemonade and sat by himself in the backyard of Belphegor's house and stared up at the stars, deep in thought. This, he mused, was not how he wanted his story to go. The story of Castiel Novak. Once he had hoped for a happily ever after, now it looked like he was just a side character, invisible and unworthy, never to have his own story. The ever-present dark cloud continued to hang over him, turning every thought of his dark and poisoned. It constantly whispered cruel things to him, even now it told him how worthless he was. How silly he was. 

"Cassie?" Gabriel sat down beside him, his golden eyes glowing. "Why are you out here?"

Castiel shrugs, looking down at his drink. "I don't really feel like a party." He glanced at his older brother out the corner of his eye. "Why aren't you inside?" 

"You looked lonely."

 _Lonely. That's all you deserve to be._ Castiel shakes off these thoughts, of course. His brother was just being a good brother. "I don't need to be babysat."

"I know, I was just worried about you."

"Well you don't need to be, I can look after myself."

"I know that." Gabriel sounded frustrated. He was probably sick of always having to deal with him, Castiel thought. 

"Shouldn't you be reuniting with Sam?" Castiel hadn't seen the boy inside, but he assumed his old friend was somewhere.

"No, he didn't come." Gabriel sighs. 

Castiel doesn't know what to say, so instead he just takes another sip of his drink.  _He's only out here because there's no one better._  The dark cloud whispers. As always, he tries to ignore this depressing thought but it had already taken root. 

"You should come inside." Gabriel says. 

Castiel shrugs, looking back up at the stars. He wondered what Gabriel's story would be. 

"Please? Lucifer is driving us all crazy."

Sighing heavily, Castiel could feel himself caving. "Fine." He couldn't let his older brother terrorize everyone, it was a miracle he even still had friends. 

He followed Gabriel back into the house, forcing a smile onto his face as several people waved at him. Lucifer, already drunk as heck, was walking around yelling about ships. Castiel knew what his story was, it was a tragedy that both started and ended with Michael leaving, Castiel wondered if there would ever be a conclusion to that. He hoped for his bother's sake that he made up with Michael. The two had once been close. 

Then Gabriel was handing him a drink, and Castiel decided it was time to forget about people and their stories.  

 


End file.
